little things you do each day that are a tiny bit feminist

[speakingwoman]

They can be big, or small, or misfire even....

Here's mine.
I'm working from home, on a call to a colleague. The doorbell rings.
I answer it still on the phone. It's a friend of my husband's. I ineptly signal him in and beckon husband in from garden whilst continuing call.

Once off phone, I pop into to kitchen say hi and apologise for my inept/stumbling signals saying "I'm no good at multi-tasking."

He replies "I'm not either.... but I'm a man....." and then looks a bit confused. He knows there's something askance about what I said and he's waiting for me to rescue him.

I don't. I don't qualify my statement that when engaged in work I find it difficult to simulteneously perform a domestic favour for my husband. I smile and leave.

It's small, it's crap, it's nothing really but it's done now and if another woman says it to him he might just begin to wonder whether multi-tasking really is something that women have to do but he doesn't.

Robins do look the same. I meant black birds. I knew it was something with a colour. Tired brain not joining the dots. And it took me way too long to work out what was wrong

I try to stop saying just.

Or apologising before I’ve even gotten started .

I’m sorry , have you got a minute 🙈
Have you got a minute

I’m just asking for .... 🙈.
I’m asking for

Also growing armpit hair 🐇🐇🐇

Love the animal idea and will definitely use it. Although dogs are always male and cats female in this house.
I don't think I apologise too much and I take up my space, I'm tiny anyway so if I shrink myself I'd disappear.
I'm lucky that I've always been encouraged to share my opinions and make myself heard. Was always included in the mens conversations around the dinner table.
My little sister got a lecture last week when she came in apologising for a shit situation that wasn't her fault. I told her not to say sorry, to never ever say sorry for something you haven't done. She's already a budding feminist, I hope the message sinks in.
I know she looks up to me so it's easier to influence, my ds I'm less sure how to handle.

Good point about not using ‘just’.

I use Ms all the time and give a little explanation most of the time.

eg I bought some wine recently, the shop assistant asked if I minded being put on the mailing list, I didn't, so he asked, "are yuor Mrs or Miss" my answer, "I'm Ms, you don't really need to know if I'm married to sell me wine do you?" with a smile.

The same when teaching.

Between my friend/carer and me there is a running joke about self ID, it started with the cat and the lettuce if anyone remembers that.

We went shopping and there was a box of cauliflower on the pavement, no one seemed to be moving it into or out of the shop so we speculated as to why it was there.

We came to the conclusion the contents were protesting about the label of 'cauliflower' being forced on them and they were being miss - well this is where we had to stop and think of the alternative of misgender and I think it was 'misveg'.

Sometimes opportunities arise.

Many years ago in my pre disabled state I was having a drink with a boyfriend and he was meeting up with some very posh young ladies who he had taught first aid to.

When they found out he had a motorbike one turned to me and asked if I rode pillion his bike, the answer, "no, but he's been pillion on mine"

A friend came round a while back, she had been watching some thing on TV where there were a number of musical acts on, she said to me, "and the first 6 were all men, you've done that to me, I would never have noticed before".

Love this thread!

Brilliant thread! Will add that I buy men’s tissues, deodorant, wrinkle cream, and in the past crisps & chocolate bars.

Often wear men’s blazers & jeans & jumpers

Correct “hey guys”

I don't make space for men sitting next to me on the tube or train - I don't encroach into their space but I don't shrink back and allow them to man spread or take the whole armrest.

I manage both men and women and I ask both about what I can do to help support their family lives in terms of flexible working etc

I correct people who assume I have taken my husband's name - not rudely but just in the same way as if they get my first name wrong.

I don't wear high heels because they hurt my feet. I don't think it is unfeminist to wear heels if they are comfortable for you but they are not for me

Love this thread!

I do a lot of these:

• refer to animals as 'she' at least some of the time
• use Ms or nothing
• take up reasonable space in public and don't yield to men
• gently challenge people at work who talk about 'manning the front desk'
• address groups as 'folks' or 'people', never 'guys'
• ask myself how men would be allowed to behave in a particular situation and do that if it feels right e.g. saying no, refusing to take on more work, setting boundaries
• apologising only when necessary and not as a default
• trying to be less people pleasing in general
• change 'gender' to 'sex' on report forms at work

Well done everyone, we're changing things slowly!

I'm rarely on the tube these days but Hanuman reminded me.

Yep sit on the tube, man sits next to you, man spreads legs, man's leg touches your knee, man closes legs then spreads again expecting you to have closed your legs and kept them closed.

Man spends the rest of the journey confused and a bit pissed off.

:) happy bump.

I work in a secondary school office. When we have to contact parents on a pastoral or first aid matter I ring the dad first. Often with hilarious results I might add.

underwired that is amazing well done! Brilliant one.

I am not married and will never be married although am in a long term straight relationship.

When asked about marriage I tell them about the Marriage Act of 1753.

and how it meant that if a woman left a man she was married to, the only things that were hers to take were the clothes she stood up in. The kids belonged to the man. On and I believe any linen that was hers in her dowry.

It also meant that if a man wanted to divorce or get rid of his wife, all he had to do was to get another man to stand up in court and say that he had had 'relations' with her, and that was it - she was out of the marriage and potentially imprisoned or put to death depending on the particular opinion of the husband, friend or judge.

And that I am personally against marriage unless it provides a benefit for the woman.

I work with a lot of straight white men of a certain age and I'm trying my hardest to be firm, not apologise (unless warranted), make sure my opinion is actually listened to once in a while. Yesterday one of them threw a strop and I was VERY firm on the phone to him. Was proud of myself.

'Often with hilarious results I might add.'

I can well imagine A lot of the dads I deal with at work act like they have barely been introduced to their own child! If you ring home and dad picks up, they often pass you over to mum, as if arranging an appointment for their child might blow all of their fuses

These are all brilliant, I'm going to adopt some of them. Mine (some already mentioned):
Dress my ds in pink (not head to toe, but I wouldn't dress a girl that way either)
Removed "just" from all work emails
Hold doors open for men
When I take my bike in for a service, drop in that I built this bike myself and no, thank you, I don't need any advice on changing the saddle height
Make a point about lack of diversity whenever I sit in work meetings full of 40-60 yr old white men
When I'm in a pub alone, take a seat at the bar on a bar stool (where there seems to be an unofficial men-only rule)
Offer to help men who are struggling with heavy luggage on the tube (they never accept but I always enjoy offering)
Emailed our leaseholders and asked them to start addressing their emails to both me and dp, not just him.
Nudge dp into making all those tiny inconsequential parenting decisions that he's inclined to leave to me like, what tog sleeping bag for ds tonight and what should ds have for lunch today

Things I will no longer be doing: moving out of the way for groups of teenage boys, getting upset when a man gesticulates that I'm an idiot for the crime of driving at the correct speed or slowing down to let someone out, writing bloody 'just' all the time in my work emails.

Things I will be doing: smiling at random women in the street as I pass, praising women as often as possible, valuing the wisdom and knowledge that comes with women's age and experience.

Anchor

On the driving thing, blow them a kiss, it makes them soooo mad.

My house is accessed via a shared driveway. Yesterday I went out on foot and found a fairly wide van parked at the end of the driveway, blocking my exit unless I wanted to squeeze between the van and a bush- risking betting covered in muck from the van and scratched by the bush. There was a man standing next to the van, so I assumed he would move it when I approached. No.

Previously I would have apologised for wanting to exit my own house. This time I simply pointed out that I needed to walk up the driveway and he was in my way, could he please move. (polite but firm). He told me he was not the driver- the driver was in a nearby house but would only be 5 or 10 minutes. I think previously I would have just waited, even though this would have made me late. This time I told him that I needed to leave my house and could not wait 10 mins so I would need him to move the van on to the road where it would not be blocking anyone in. Unbelievably he told me that was fine, I'd just need to knock on the door where his colleague was and 'just say would you mind moving the van for me please' (yes, he did tell me the words to use!). I repeated that I needed to exit my house using my drive way and he needed to find whoever has the keys and make sure that the van is moved to somewhere that it does not block my way. I managed to do the whole thing without apologising, saying 'just' or giving in and doing it myself/waiting. There was much huffing but it happened. I have do doubt that if DH had needed to get past they would have apologised to him and certainly not asked him to go and find the bloke with the keys (which I'm sure was intended to put me off trying and make me wait like a good girl).

Ooh this thread is inspiring! I've been designing a poster at work and it requires a picture of a doctor. Today I shall replace the stock photo of a smug dude in a white coat with a competent-looking woman.

And I've always been guilty of defaulting to "he" when referring to animals, including DD's toy rabbit. She has started correcting me and saying "she". My 6yr old is more feminist than me!

I call animals she but am ashamed to say that I was rather prompted into this by DD. She hasn't quite sorted out her pronouns and tends to use feminine pronouns for absolutely everyone most of the time. When she calls her little brother or her father 'she' I respond by talking about them with masculine pronouns and she's getting there, but with the animals and birds I just went with it as of course no reason not to and now I'm thoroughly in the habit. I probably would have done the default male thing if she hadn't nudged me, though.

I don't shave or trim my vulva or surrounding area at all, though I do my armpits and legs and not because I like it but because I feel pressured to do so, so I don't quite get a gold star there.

I don't wear makeup and I don't wear a bra because I find both uncomfortable and I choose to prioritise my comfort over conventional femininity here.

I make no effort to sit in a 'ladylike' position and if it feels comfortable I will spread my legs wide, not in a rude way barging into other people's space but I don't automatically fold myself up to take as little space as possible. I have noticed that almost all women cross their legs when sitting all the time, whilst men are usually spread wide and I don't think the only reason is that they need more space for their precious testicles.

Always select Ms on forms where I am forced to choose a title, although I don't see why this is ever necessary really. I don't feel the need for any sort of title, my name is quite enough for me.

Oo also always talk about 'the doctor' or any other professional where the sex is unknown as 'she' to my children, though again I have DD's linguistic development to thank for that one.

Kiss-tastic idea Sashh! Looking forward to putting that one into action!

I got cross at Life on Mars the other day (rewatch, its one of my all time favourites). Final episode. Ray says "I met a bird, medical bird". John Simm, who has spent the whole thing trying to educate against sexism and general bigotry, says "they're called nurses Ray". Why not doctors? He didn't know Ray was talking about a nurse, he just assumed, and made the generalisation that women in the medical profession must be nurses. Pissed me RIGHT off, and I went on a rant about it.