little things you do each day that are a tiny bit feminist

[speakingwoman]

They can be big, or small, or misfire even....

Here's mine.
I'm working from home, on a call to a colleague. The doorbell rings.
I answer it still on the phone. It's a friend of my husband's. I ineptly signal him in and beckon husband in from garden whilst continuing call.

Once off phone, I pop into to kitchen say hi and apologise for my inept/stumbling signals saying "I'm no good at multi-tasking."

He replies "I'm not either.... but I'm a man....." and then looks a bit confused. He knows there's something askance about what I said and he's waiting for me to rescue him.

I don't. I don't qualify my statement that when engaged in work I find it difficult to simulteneously perform a domestic favour for my husband. I smile and leave.

It's small, it's crap, it's nothing really but it's done now and if another woman says it to him he might just begin to wonder whether multi-tasking really is something that women have to do but he doesn't.

ErrolTheDragon
the snail is a hermaphrodite.
Doffs pedant cap

I do the random animals = she about 80% of the time. Possibly as a result my children look underneath strangers dogs to see if they are male

I remind people that 'No' is polite and not rude.

Oh I talk about the menopause all the time Tells. I've recently been questioned (very mildly to be fair) about not wearing a standard work uniform shirt. It's hideous, too thick and cut for a man's fit. I cannot wear it in this heat and I won't.

My 3 yr old DS came home from nursery the other day telling me he had been learning about occupations. I asked what he'd learned about: firemen, policemen, binmen etc... So I made a song and dance of explaining to him that women can do exactly the same jobs as men, women can be in the police, don't say 'policeman' just say 'the police' instead etc. We're British but live in a country with quite outdated views on women and there is a lot of sexism, so I try constantly to counteract that in some way when talking to my son.

I had to think about animals, almost had to go find one to talk to ds about. If it’s not obvious (robins, mallards etc) I say “we don’t know if it’s male or female do we”, which I know makes me sounds like a performance parent of the first order. I also end up the garden path when it comes to neutered male animals.

Oh and I always try and sneak Moana on instead of the Lego Batman film that he actually wants 99% of the time!

I knew I had got animals right when my eldest pointed out a few months back that the two swans building a nest might both be the same sex

Pretamum Firefighters and police officers haven't called themselves 'men' for a number of years now. Nursery is way out of date!

I love using "girls" rather than women. And I'm a feminist. So there

A while back I marked up the minutes of a meeting I had attended to change Chairman to Chair/Chairperson throughout, explained why and asked that the Company Secretariat do this for all governance meetings throughout the company. They very graciously did and every time they forget/have someone new (not very often) I mark it up on the minutes.

it’s not obvious (robins, mallards etc)

I thought male and female robins looked the same?(sorry, I like birdwatching!)

I work with 3 and 4 year olds, I do it constantly, just small things everyday. My colleagues think I'm nuts, which is abit sad. They think I'm just being funny, and ask why does it matter!!!! I'm like 'WE'RE SHAPING YOUNG MINDS!'

I write 'gingerbead' 'gingerbread person' on my daily sheets instead of 'gingerbread man'

I change the sex of characters in story books to him/her to make it fairer. We have one book about a fire engine and the fire fighter is male who saves a woman from a burning building. I swap them around!

I refer to animals as 'she' because the default is 'he' when you think about it.

When the children innocently say 'police man' or 'fire man' I repeat back 'police officer' or 'firefighter' girls can be fire fighters too, just like boys!

I've been at it for years and now my gorgeous pre schoolers who I've had since they were 6/7 months old know!!! The other day I asked a few different children different questions...

Is a doctor a man or a woman?
Emma, 3
A man OR a woman!

Is a firefighter a man or a woman?
Ryan, 4
It is.... a boy can do it but a girl can as well.

Isabelle what about a nurse, is a nurse a man or a woman?
Ethan, 4.5
Both! A man or a woman can be a nurse.

They aren't made up, I felt so proud, I honestly thought they would stick to the stereotype! Makes me wonder how different their generation will be compared to mine and the generations before me!

When my dad gives me money, I thank both my mum and dad. If my mum hadn't been a SAHM to me and my siblings, my dad wouldn't have been able to run his business and earn money, leading to where he is now. This bothers him massively! He's 65 and just doesn't see it that way.

When I'm in my period and my boyfriend (rarely, but he has in the past) blames what I'm saying on my hormones I say 'yeah of course my vagina is bleeding so anything that comes out of my mouth is invalid... cool'👍🏼

This is a magnificent thread. I love the hint about animals. I always say Mr Lion and call the dinosaur he. Will try to change this.

@UpstartCrow Tell me about it! We live in South Africa though, where restaurants have 'ladies menus' full of fish and fucking salad, which makes me revolt and order a massive slab of steak (even if I do actually just want something light!). So it's fair to say it might be a while before they call them firefighters instead of firemen!

Oh and if I hear 'why are you crying like a girl' 'why you screaming like a girl' 'why you throwing like a girl'
I call whoever it is out😩
I think people think I'm a pain in the arse!

I'm a teacher and constantly say "she" for the writer /narrator and habitually ask male and female students "why did you say " he" or "his" etc if it's not explicit. Make them think through their assumptions and stereotypes

The random animals is great - ds has always categorised them as ‘papa duck’ or ‘mama duck’ depending on size smaller animals are ‘baby duck’ etc.

bertie I also do the ‘praise the action’ thing because I want him to know that HE isn’t bad, chucking stuff (etc) is bad. I hadn’t thought about using it in this context but you’re right, and I shall.

Always Ms or my name. I've recently moved into a different department at work which is very male dominated so I deliberately check all emails for apologetic language before I press send and I've started being a lot more direct. I don't give way when men try to talk over me on calls, I open doors and wave them through and I walk in straight lines.

This thread gives me hope for my dd. Thank you xx

Also constantly pointing out to DD (9) that female singers/ actors / dancers/ etc etc are judged on appearance and body and expected to dress in a certain way and how ludicrous and hypocritical this is- I always comment how great their singing, acting, talent etc is and how hard they worked on that skill

I've started reviewing my emails and removing:

I think it might be sensible to...
I wonder whether you might...
Just thought it worth considering...

Some great tips here. Mind you I call my bees girls. To be fair they are 80% female and at this time of year have very short lives.

For a while now I’ve stopped letting my DH know when I stop for a break. He never does the same for me. If I want a break, I just take one.

I change minutes to Chair and always refer to parents rather than mothers/fathers.

I've started reviewing my emails and removing:

I think it might be sensible to...
I wonder whether you might...
Just thought it worth considering
Me too

I recommend
Please do this
We need to do this

When talking to my teenagers at work I refer to 'your adult' rather than mum which is the normal default. It solves the assumption that mum deals with house admin and the complicated home lives some have in one simple phrase.

I also try to not apologise when challenging a male at work not in an aggressive way but in a my opinion is also valid sort of way.

I change 'he' to 'she' in books A LOT to even it out.
I always ask my DC if the teddy or stuffed toy they're playing with is a girl or a boy and then go along with that.
Same with animals -
' is this a girl or boy ladybird'
'it's a girl mummy'
Look she's got spots....etc.

I call out my DH on any sexist remark or assumption I'm going to do something.