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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

408 replies

AriadneRose · 04/05/2018 10:08

I have been following what has been going on here and on twitter, and thought maybe it would be helpful to open a dialogue that is not reactionary or fueled by anger. So I am offering my own personal perspective as a transwoman, and am willing to answer any questions people might have, and I will try to answer them thoughtfully, respectfully and honestly.

Note: I did not create this thread to stir up trouble, I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary for us to move forward.

OP posts:
Amalfimamma · 04/05/2018 15:23

I do not post on here now, not because I am afraid or ran away or think you are all transphobic, but because some of you rush to misjudge motives even when they are sincere.

Mishudge? When we as women as attacked on the streets, at meetings, on the internet. Physical attacks, emotional attacks, harassment and doxxing then we don't "misjudge" we self defend.

Can you please give me an example of physical or mental violence against trans people, real violence, not precieved, in the last 12 months?

I can give you numerous examples of physical violence against women in the past 2 months. Actual physical violence, threats and intimidation against women from MTF and tras.

While I am not blaming either you ornthe OP for this violence, nor am I suggesting you partook, I am simply using this to debunk the femists violence against MTF myth and to explain why we, as women, might be very wary of motives.

SpareRibFem · 04/05/2018 15:27

I haven't seen any disrespect, just disappointment at OP apparently bailing when we've taken the time to engage. I hope they come back.

velourvoyageur · 04/05/2018 15:33

Flowers Jaycee I've noticed your posts before and appreciate them and I know other posters do too. I'm sorry if you've felt trans people posting here haven't always been given the benefit of the doubt.
I think, while aggression is not on, obviously, it's just women can understandably be on edge when we anticipate that at some point we will be told what being a woman is and be asked to accept a transwoman's life experience as evidence for this definition, which seems to often happen in these AMAs, even if indirectly (just generalising, not saying the OP did this).

However I've seen teenagers totally innocently post on MN saying 'I'm a teen, AMA' and been absolutely crucified, it's really not necessarily a trans thing.

LangCleg · 04/05/2018 15:37

I know other posters do too.

Only the ones who didn't interact with that person only to find that those interactions - and they themselves, personally - were quoted and mocked elsewhere by that person. Because those posters aren't particularly appreciative.

spontaneousgiventime · 04/05/2018 15:38

velourvoyageur Please don't even go there. I stuck up for JayceeDove against other posters on this board. I got stick but I felt what she said could be true. I was shown to be as green as grass. JayceeDove was all sympathetic on these boards to a poster going through a tough time due to her activism then went off to the Angels forum to laugh at her. Yeah, I was taken in just like many others were. JayceeDove is toxic under a "I really want to make things right, little old lady" veneer. You'll soon find out.

RedToothBrush · 04/05/2018 15:44

Respect is giving a poster time to reply rather than having a moan because they haven't replied to you immediately, therefore confirming your belief prejudice that they are just here to shit stir.

Seriously, the OP DID give a whole pile of responses. Yet this is deemed as not good enough because...

The OP does not 'owe you a reply' if you want to talk about owing anything.

Either you want a debate, or you don't.

If they don't come back then fine, but honestly the demanding of a reply NOW smacks of the patience of a toddler. How is it helpful or fair? How does it encourage the much needed debate?

soupforbrains · 04/05/2018 15:45

@Elendon Thank you! Sexual and gender freedom are issues very close to my heart, as are women's rights and equality. I often find it very hard to express clearly how I feel about the Trans issues because I want to just love everyone and 'live and let live' but of course if you let EVERYONE do whatever they want then some of the things one group/person wants will directly harm another group/person.

I'm glad that what I wrote this time actually makes sense for once!

velourvoyageur · 04/05/2018 15:46

To be fair it's a working day and this thread was only started six hours ago...

ferntwist · 04/05/2018 15:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

RidingWindhorses · 04/05/2018 17:43

I'm not personally demanding a reply. I don't care if she replies or not.

The replies she did make were fairly poor though.

If you post a thread telling people you will explain stuff but then require explaining to yourself, it's hardly surprising if people don't take you seriously.

Ekphrasis · 04/05/2018 18:34

I agree with Red.

I'd hope the op comes back and joins in other discussions.

I thought the replies were very honest and interesting. She just needs to perhaps lurk a bit longer and then pitch in when it's relevant.

I did this for ages here myself and I'm a biological woman!

Tinkletinklelittlebat · 04/05/2018 18:58

Jaycee just saw your letter in the Guardian. Flowers Thank you, that was very brave and I appreciate it.

PersianCatLady · 04/05/2018 19:03

Is there a link for the letter??

AncientLights · 04/05/2018 19:21

PersianCatLady there's a thread on here about the letter.

PersianCatLady · 04/05/2018 19:29

OK thanks

LassWiADelicateAir · 04/05/2018 20:04

Coming on here offering a 'personal perspective' as if we don't know transwomen ourselves and know nothing about the issues is patronising from the start

Who is this "we" you speak of?

I don't know any trans women. And unless all trans women are passing brilliantly in shops, restaurants, pubs etc I can't even think of an occasion when I have even noticed a trans woman. So either they are passing brilliantly or more likely there are very few trans women

The only trans person I know in real life is a trans man. I do know that he does not remotely fit the image of a young woman who is really a lesbian and is being bullied into being trans.

So again who is this "we" you speak of and for? Because it certainly is not me.

Julie7281 · 04/05/2018 20:08

I agree. What is a woman supposed to feel like? Surely all women feel differently and, as individuals, feel differently everyday.

Plus, no offence, but how can you suppose you feel like a woman if you’re not one?

What’s wrong with being a non conforming, feminised man?

A lot of questions all at once AriadneRose but I’m genuinely interested.

Baubletrouble43 · 04/05/2018 20:21

Ariadne I haven't read the whole thread but I have read a lot of it and I want to thank you for opening up and discussing your situation. My feelings on self id are negative but I would hate for you to interpret that as any type of hostility to you or your situation . I see that you have struggles that I cannot possibly understand and wish you all the best, genuinely.

schrodingerstwat · 04/05/2018 20:29

Ah great. Just shortly after her last post, I pm'd the OP and recommended she come off this thread and go and do something nice, involving self-care, or time spent with rational, well-informed people who don't misgender her rather than spend time on here where she is treated despicably by a load of vitriolic TERFS. Glad to see she didn't post after that. You guys (you know who you are, Spartacus-kind)... are....unbelievable. Thank God the tide is turning, legislation is swimming against you, public opinion is swimming against you, and you seem to be in your last echo-chamber on threads like these. In years to come kids will look back on the kinds of attitudes that prevailed here today like children now must look back at racists in the days of the civil-rights-era struggles and scratch their heads.

velourvoyageur · 04/05/2018 20:39

Schrodinger please could you quote the despicable, unbelievable vitriol directed towards the OP on this thread? I honestly am blind to it and can't improve unless it's pointed out to me.

LassWiADelicateAir · 04/05/2018 20:40

Surely all women feel differently and, as individuals, feel differently everyday

They do, not that one might think that given some of the posts on here or FWR in general.

As for being patronising Coming on here offering a 'personal perspective' as if we don't know transwomen ourselves and know nothing about the issues is patronising from the start is pretty bloody patronising.

I am interested in the OP's personal perspective (and why the need to put quote marks ?) as is the assumption of group think and that everyone posting on FWR endorses it.

Amalfimamma · 04/05/2018 20:41

@schrodingerstwat aren't you just so altruistic Hmm

LassWiADelicateAir · 04/05/2018 20:43

Sorry messed that last sentence up.

I am interested in the OP's personal perspective (and why the need to put quote marks ?) so the assumption of the group think "we" is patronising.

SimonBridges · 04/05/2018 20:46

Welcome op. Thank you for opening this dialogue.

I’m interested that you said To me women are usually more empathetic, less prone to violence.
Do you think that part of your feeling like I woman might be that the male role models you had in your life were violent and uncaring and therefore you found that you likened yourself to women?
Is part of your dysphoria not so much that you feel like a woman but more that you feel unlike a man as you had few examples of men who were not violent arseholes?

thebewilderness · 04/05/2018 20:48

The rights currently being advocated for by transgender advocates are antithetical to women's rights and the safekeeping of children.
There can be no further compromise because women's rights and children's safety has already been compromised to an unacceptable extent.
The erasure of women as a political class being referred to as a compromise is absurd.
Bothsiderism is a blatant lie.

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