Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

408 replies

AriadneRose · 04/05/2018 10:08

I have been following what has been going on here and on twitter, and thought maybe it would be helpful to open a dialogue that is not reactionary or fueled by anger. So I am offering my own personal perspective as a transwoman, and am willing to answer any questions people might have, and I will try to answer them thoughtfully, respectfully and honestly.

Note: I did not create this thread to stir up trouble, I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary for us to move forward.

OP posts:
soupforbrains · 04/05/2018 14:24

Perhaps Ariadne is at work? and is just fitting in a quick update as and when she can. I appreciate people wanting her to come back and answer more questions, I do too.

But I also appreciate that not everyone can dedicate an entire day to an internet forum (even if MN is best one)

Italiangreyhound · 04/05/2018 14:24

@starfishsunrise ...

"I wish I had been able to go ‘ oh, it all makes sense now’
I love him, I don’t mind if he’s gay or straight ( he said he still likes girls) I want him to be happy. But how could he hide all these feelings? Wouldn’t we all have had some sort of clue?

Cards on table : I don’t want him to change gender. Be gay, be straight, wear flamboyant clothes but don’t mess with your hormones or chop your body up."

I have not managed to read the whole thread so I don't know what answers you got for your comments. I have a very dear friend whose dd has gone through a bit of a 'transgender' phase, or is identifying as a boy, if you prefer that way of saying it.

There is a lot of info out there, you can google around and get advice.

There are some good bits of info at...

www.transgendertrend.com/

and

4thwavenow.com/

Don't know if those have been mentioned. Feel free to pm me if you wish.

I'd also say, you say "I love him" that is fabulouos, important, necessary to say (because he may not feel very loving towards himself if he is struggling). Maybe he will tell you more, maybe something has happened and made him start to question who he is.

Let him talk to you because whatever happens, he will need you and you love him.

Thanks
Lancelottie · 04/05/2018 14:26

Thanks, Persian! (apols to others for derail) I've had a look online and I suspect aural migraines combined with asthma might rule it out but we'll talk to the GP.

PersianCatLady · 04/05/2018 14:27

soup
Fair point but it does seem odd to start a thread that you know will have a lot of posts when you haven't really got the time for it.

That is just my opinion.

SpareRibFem · 04/05/2018 14:29

@bekksy your post articulates my feelings on gender stereotypes so well thank-you!

AMA posters, don't start an AMA if you have to head off to work...

RedToothBrush · 04/05/2018 14:33

Not I don't think its odd.

There is a thread with a whole pile of questions aimed at just one person. Some are more hostile than others (whether fairly or unfairly).

I think that would be hard for most people to deal with. I think perhaps the OP wasn't expecting quite that many.

Just, chill. Have a little patience before thinking the worst.

I know that people feel like they have had their fingers burnt on similar threads in the past, but I do think you have to cut a little slack and at least try and give some benefit of the doubt. Otherwise yes, you are not supporting a debate you are just supporting a confirmation bias.

Remember its not about being seen to 'win' every argument.

BeyondParody · 04/05/2018 14:36

If OP is in work, then OP can't be a TRA doing a stealthy AMA, so that's one fewer thing to worry about Grin

PersianCatLady · 04/05/2018 14:37

I am not wanting to win anything or think the worst of anything.

I just don't get starting a conversation (MN and IRL) and then not participating in it very much.

That said i am a big mouth chatterbox so I don't get missing any chance to chat and talk.

kesstrel · 04/05/2018 14:39

Agree with Red

spontaneousgiventime · 04/05/2018 14:40

They come here to show us how reasonable and cuddly they are when all they want is for us to accept their point of view, see things from their hard done to perspective and shut up. When we don't, when we stand up and fight for our sex they don't like it and run. They come into the kitchen but can't stand the heat and hate it that we can.

Baroquehavoc · 04/05/2018 14:41

I think people can be surprised how fast moving MN can be. I suspect that they thought they could start the thread and come back in a few hours to answer the five or six questions waiting for them.

I don't think I'd be prepared for or be able to deal with the number of questions, if I hadnt been on MN before.

BeyondParody · 04/05/2018 14:41

We're used to it, from being barefoot and pregnant in there!

spontaneousgiventime · 04/05/2018 14:44

BeyondParody - We're used to it, from being barefoot and pregnant in there!

Quite!

They hate it we won't go back and be good little girls.

therealposieparker · 04/05/2018 14:46

Users don't owe new posters anything.

Baroquehavoc · 04/05/2018 14:51

Users don't owe new posters anything.

I'm not sure it's usual to offer new posters tea and cake, is it? If it is, in still waiting for mine. Although, admittedly, I didn't start with a 'I'm here!!!' post. Sad

RidingWindhorses · 04/05/2018 14:53

I think the whole thread is odd. Coming on here offering a 'personal perspective' as if we don't know transwomen ourselves and know nothing about the issues is patronising from the start. Ironic when she then betrayed total ignorance of women's issues.

counterpoint · 04/05/2018 14:57

I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary

Both sides? Ariadne, do you mean women and transwomen?

I understand the term 'women' to refer to adult, human females and am OK with that term and definition.

Whilst I don't like the term 'transwomen' (sounds like some transport vehicle company ore parcel delivery for women), I can see that you might want to apply it to men who want to look like women.

Are those the 'both' sides you would like to see in dialogue?

BeyondParody · 04/05/2018 14:58

Starting with an "I'm heeeeere" post is rather unusual for mn. I'm gonna pretend I'm new so everyone gives me cake.

velourvoyageur · 04/05/2018 15:00

The fact that transgenderism is a minor phenomenon isn't by itself enough to exclude trans people from "social, legal and medical significance".

My point was that the logic I was criticising makes M/F categories completely useless in a world where 'social, legal and medical' resources are classified and allocated according to a universally-applied binary. Why should there be a group known as 'men' and another as 'women' if only 2% of the population would have a clue which of the two they belonged in?
(I don't think you read my post, that's fine :) but then please don't make out I said anything like 'let's ignore trans people because there are relatively few numbers of people identifying as such')

RedToothBrush · 04/05/2018 15:02

Everyone is deserving of respect.
We just don't have to agree with them...

I think that if you stop showing respect, that's where any argument is ultimately won and lost.

Jayceedove · 04/05/2018 15:03

For those calling out AriadneRose, please give her a chance.

I hope she will be back and say more as she has tried to be understanding. But it is not easy for a transwoman on here. It can feel very alienating and there is always much suspicion and doubt.

If you ask many questions that can only be answered by personal views or experiences they are attacked for being over long or mansplaining and so on. I guess some of that is necessarily true, given a transwoman's starting point, but they are still answers.

So it is a hard balancing act given how overpowering being trans is when you have had dysphoria and are just coming through.

I do not post on here now, not because I am afraid or ran away or think you are all transphobic, but because some of you rush to misjudge motives even when they are sincere.

I came here to learn and understand things. And have done both and have benefited. That is why I am still here reading but not posting any more. Because I am genuinely concerned about these problems and planned changes such as self ID and everything that I posted when I was on here was sincere.

But I know that I cannot make you believe that. So I am not going to try and will just listen. Please give Ariadne the chance. That's all I want to say.

spontaneousgiventime · 04/05/2018 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GeorgeFayne · 04/05/2018 15:14

Should we be surprised at the "I'm here" attitude? Quite frankly, (and this might be a bit rude, but...), I'm often struck at just how self-focused so many trans individuals are. (These are people willing to throw 52%'of the population under the bus for validation of their own identity.)

As an aside, I've come to realize (both personally and professionally) how important getting out of our own little mental bubbles is for our psycho-emotional health. When we start to see the world from a "large" perspective, and specifically other humans in need, we start to accept that our own issues are simply PART of it all.

Further, when we decide to actually DO something to help other people, we gain tremendous benefit. (I recall a patient with anorexia who battled for years with relapses, multiple admissions, etc. At the advice of one of her therapists, she started volunteering at a homeless shelter. Her recovery after that was remarkable. She told me she had to "get over herself" to finally find peace and acceptance of her body.)

RidingWindhorses · 04/05/2018 15:18

I haven't seen disrespect, just forthright opinions which is par for the course here.

Elendon · 04/05/2018 15:20

@soupforbrains Fri 04-May-18 12:04:13

Sorry for rambling

Your post was brilliant!