Trans Widows escape committee

[TinselAngel]

This is a second attempt to start a thread for women who have been, or are still in unhappy relationships with Trans partners.

Having got out of a marriage to a man who transitioned shortly after we split, it would be good to be able to support others in a similar situation.

I know there's a few of you out there?

Will do.

Bit of a derailment but,

This intersectional feminism, where the product seems to be a bit of a circle jerk of minimising your own oppression because other women in different circumstances/cultures are worse off.

And of being NICE (not kind, being kind is being truthful but in a considered way) but nice, where you don't mention any of the grim.

How, does this ideology square putting my STBXH's voice and therefore his desires, (again he's a white, privileged, wealthy middle aged man), over those of, for example, a woman whose cultural upbringing makes her preference for SEX segregated spaces?

Why is she to suck up her beliefs and preferences, to prioritise his?

How is that intersectional?

It's not intersectional or feminism, it is a totalitarian approach which prioritises his rights over hers.

Brilliantly marketed, but a right number on those women who do comply.

Birdbandit
I have just paid £177 (!) to upgrade the website and install a functioning Contact form. It now works!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry about this, from Amnesty's guidance on the GRA.

Any evidence that this has ever happened, I wonder?

And we don't get to veto the process, we can have the marriage dissolved if we don't want to go along with it. Personally I preferred to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour.

https://www.amnesty.org.uk/have-your-say-gender-recognition-act?utmsource=TWITTER&utmmmedium=social&utmcontent=20181001123500&utmmcampaign=Amnesty&post_ID=1810746615

How ironic that now it feels like Amnesty International of all organisations is complicit in our abuse.

Tinsel

I'd love to see evidence that's happened. But then evidence is thin on the ground for many of their assertions. It's all true in topsy-turvy world, where women are aggressive and transwoman are the bravest, most stunning, most vcitimised

I've just tweeted them to ask if there's any evidence that happened. I'm not really expecting a response.

My STBXH doesn't believe that his "transition" (wearing women's clothes in public for kicks) is grounds for divorce.

Luckily I have all his documented porn obsession, and domestic control/abuse to divorce him with.

I imagine he feels he's very much the abused party. Wait till he finds out he can't identify out of paying his share in the divorce settlement!

I don't think I've ever met a man who was,

A) responsible for his marriage going bleak
Or
B) not abused by his "mad" ex wife who stole all the money in the divorce.

Imagined rather than fact based "history" isn't only a cross dressing husband's game.

I was thinking earlier though, I do genuinely feel desperately sorry for the idiot.

Imagine telling people that you believe so fervently in gender stereotypes, and "allowed" sex (shagging) roles, that you believe you are a malformed woman, rather than a boring old man.

Or rather knowing that you aren't a malformed woman, and actually just a bit of a perv, but having to say this/ pretend to save face.

That's his life and choice! Idiot.

Is he refusing to agree to a divorce? My ex was very indignant when he saw my description of his unreasonable behaviour in the divorce petition, but at least he signed it.

Tinsel oh no, he's agreeing to divorce.

I said I needed to divorce him for the porn as I can't (Scotland!) divorce him on the grounds of his "transition". He thinks it is correct that I can't legally (here) divorce him on those grounds. He thinks that's correct, that his transition isn't "grounds" for divorce.

He doesn't want to be married to me, goodness no. I'll probably get a whole lot of bunkum back about my nasty terfy ways. Ha!

We are still at the info gathering phase. It'll take an age.

I don't know Scottish law but the unreasonable behaviour in my petition wasn't the transition per se (IIRC) but all the behaviour that went with it.

Re Amnesty International: they have come out in favour of "gender self-ID" (www.amnesty.org.uk/have-your-say-gender-recognition-act), and make reference to guidance from Stonewall and Mermaids. I'm sorry but Amnesty's original aim was human rights, for example not persecuting journalists and not locking up lawyers and "political dissenters". They have strayed far from their original aims. Please see this document published by "a dissenter" from AI's policy of "decriminalizing" exploiters of sex workers: digitalcommons.uri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1134&context=dignity. The common thread is apparently "marginalised groups". AI has been corrupted by MRAs, well funded by George Soros.

Hello, I am not a trans widow, but have read some of your posts before and am horrified at what you have all been through (or are still going through).

Sorry, not helpful but just want to ‘like’ birdbandit’s post, and add another thought on intersectionality... It’s been said a few times by various people here and elsewhere that going along with the TWAW delusion may be difficult or even impossible for some people with ASC, because their condition can mean they think more ‘rigidly’ than the average person, making it more difficult to tell a lie.

If the trans dogma is disrupted by people with ASC, they will likely be called transphobic, and may possibly be subject to abuse or hostility. This makes the trans movement ablist too. Not intersectional. Not inclusive. A Men’s Rights Movement.

Yes I agree Scientist, hence me saying their stance is ironic.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/05/my-life-in-sex-woman-whose-husband-is-transitioning

This in today's Guardian. Let's hope the poor woman finds the strength to leave him eventually.

Perhpas The Guardian is tip-toeing towards a closer look at the reality of transwidows' lives? Maybe they have noticed this thread and the related "TW and AGP". If so, we may see other variants on this account later.

Sorry. "Perhaps...." and "..variants of this account with more probing of the husband's real mental state, not the "born in the wrong body" trope".

https://alittlehouseintheozarks.blogspot.com/2018/09/not-woke-my-experience-as-child-of.html?m=1

This is a blog by a woman whose dad transitioned when she was a young teen. It's a heartbreaking read but chimes with a lot of your stories.

to all you brave women as ever

I thought what they were calling the spousal veto was just transitioning being grounds for divorce, which to a narcissist could seem like "she's allowed to stop me from transitioning".

I thought that it used to be that the marriage had to be dissolved if one person got a GRC because two people of the same legal sex couldn't be married. I assumed this was no longer the case now same sex marriage is legal.

It's easy enough to create grounds for divorce on an "unreasonable behaviour basis" in these circumstances anyway.

There was a very worrying question in the Scottish consultation about gender that suggested they were considering making divorcing your spouse because they transition illegal, or at least very hard to do.

I don't know Scottish law, but under English law, all the behaviour that always goes with the transition - the lying / bullying/ gas lighting / financial abuse etc can be used in an "unreasonable behaviour" petition even if you didn't cite the transition itself as being unreasonable.

And I find it hard to believe a judge wouldn't consider changing the very basis of the marriage to be anything other than unreasonable behaviour anyway.

Plus you can divorce after two years separation, with the other parties consent, or five years without their consent.

If anyone sees The Guardian today there is a great letter in the Weekend mag,Your View. Succinctly reminds the world about those who suffer when someone transitions, page 8. Sorry link not online.