Men bashing

[PirateQueenie]

Hi all,

I don't have a real purpose to this thread other than to just voice my confusion and possibly hear some other opinions.

I would identify as feminist - although for want of a better word, I would rather say I'm an egalitarian. I enjoy reading these threads, and comment on some. But what really disheartens me is all the man-bashing Ive seen. I have a male partner who is my world ♥ wonderful male friends and family members, and when I read some of the things on here I can't help but feel very defensive of the men in my life.

Is this the new wave of feminism? Or am I missing something? When I was growing up (with my mum as an avid feminist), I never heard "men this" or "men that" it was always about how women can strengthen and empower themselves WITHOUT putting men down.

The only reason I'm man bashing at the moment is becasue I'm going through horrible divorce number 2 and husband no 2 has really worked me over for example dumping me to go off with someone else right before a major operation with no money, no car and nobody to look after me post op. So you can't blame me right now really.
I have sorted the situation using my own strength and ingenuity so I don't consider myself a victim.
However for those of us feminists with sons man hating really isn't on the agenda as we love them and hope they will grow up to be decent people.

Which comments do you mean?

Can you link to them?

I've been fairly shocked on here about the behaviour of so many men. I also recognise things that the nicest men still do and think are ok, because of socialisation. Some of that I've only really noticed since coming on MN, to be honest.

That said, I fully recognise women can be awful too. I don't meet too many awful people, or find out how awful people are in their private lives, because let's face it we all mask the worst in RL.

I'm not at all anti men, I have two lovely sons, who seem to have managed to avoid the majority of bad attitudes so common these days.

Mermaid - I don't think I've read any of your posts, but sorry to hear you're going through such a bad time at the moment hugs!
Hmmmokay - it's not even something specific, just in various threads and comments, people suggesting that men on the whole are dangerous people (without being specific) and painting women as victims. I don't know, it just for me seems to go against the principles of empowering and building up women, rather than making us all seem weak victims x

95% of violence is committed by men.
Men are responsible for the vast majority of domestic and sexual violence and abuse.
Men are responsible for the sheer number of children living in poverty due to their refusal to pay maintenance. Why do men who kill their partners and children still get called 'good fathers'? Why are we expected to feel sad for men who claim their feelings are more important than the safety of children?

And a whole lot of men are silent about these issues when they are in the position to challenge perpetrators and change the culture of violent hyper-masculinity. As the saying goes, if you stay silent you are part of the problem.

So, the question isn't why feminists talk about men as a group, but rather why don't men as a group stand up to perpetrators; call out men who rape, men who kill.

Women who are raped are not 'meek victims'. They are victims of a serious crime.

It's not 'bashing' men to describe your experience of them, even if the experience is unpleasant.

Whoahhhh... When did I say women who were raped are meek victims?!?!
And yes I agree that all of those stats are shocking and awful. Every man I know would stand up against all of those things, as would every woman I know! I just feel sad when there is this divide between men and women. Cant we all just stand together as humans?

Elephant - I didn't say it was?? I said this is about the women I've read making sweeping generalising statements and not just being specific to their one experience.

A small number of men abuse a disproportionate number of women. They are likely to get a lot of attention on an advice forum. Women seem to be very vulnerable to abuse. It is not weak to be unable to maintain your physical and emotional safety against someone who is determinedly chipping away at it.

Society still seems to reinforce the structures which make women vulnerable to abusive men.

Sorry. You called victims of rape and domestic violence 'weak' not 'meek'. Because calling victims 'weak' isn't all misogynistic and, quite frankly, lacking in empathy. Or any kind of semblance of reality.

I very rarely see men bashing on here.

I do see posts about how men are responsible for all rapes and almost all violent attacks on women, but that's just facts.

Stewie - please point me in the direction of where I said rape victims were weak?!?! That's completely fabricated.
I just worry that we judge the majority on the actions of few. Just as it is harmful to tarnish all Muslims as "terrorists" because some idiots kill in the name of religion. I think it's equally as detrimental to judge all men as dangerous.

This is just one example. The actual original post was totally fair enough, but the poster was part of a women's only group. And I just don't understand why it has to turn into a bashing then of men only groups?! Things like that I just find petty and unhelpful to the cause.

Nice TAAT queenie. Reported.

Quentin - TAAT?? Sorry I don't know what that is! 😕

Yeah. I don't get it. I've been a feminist for a long time and I'm tired of being called out over male-bashing. Overwhelmingly it is true that the vast majority of violence against women is committed by men, as are most sexual assaults and all rapes. Porn exists so that men can get off on their fantasies about women and prostitution allows them to purchase women for sex. Men often say the most vile, sexist, violent things about women ... No not all men, but men as a sex are responsible for these things. However, they are rarely called on their actions outside of feminist circles and yet every time a feminist stands up and says 'that's wrong' she's called out over alleged 'man bashing'.

Ah just googled and realised it means "thread about a thread". As I stated in my original post this isn't about a specific thing I've read, just a general observation I'd made. A pp asked if I could give an example which I did. Sorry if this has caused offence!

And let's look at the question of men closing down a woman's only group. This was an act of extreme self-serving prejudice and discrimination by men- yet the OP does not focus on this - instead she picks up on a comment about this left by a woman!

Spartacus - "men as a sex are responsible". But I'm talking about humans as individuals. Am I as a white British person therefore responsible for racism that goes on, even though I am not racist?? I thought feminism was about equality of both sexes?

Please watch a movie called 'the red pill'

Spartacus - I just SAID the original post was fair enough. I agree and didn't want to make it about that post per se. I was just giving an example of how rather than empowering women, we demean men. That's the thing I don't understand. I'm sorry that you have taken my post so personally, I did not mean to offend.

Justanotherposter - I'll have a look, is it available online??

Exactly Spartacus.

But we are not all individuals are we? We are part of broader social groups including those related to our sex, race, social class, etc. These groups have different amounts of power. Prostitution does not exist for individuals, it exists so that men can buy the bodies of women. And I do actually think that white people are responsible for challenging racism too - even if we don't think we are racist!