Feminist Pub XXI - The Pub with No Name

[erinaceus]

Welcome, everybody.

Happy Friday.

erin - a quick google shows that giving false information to a registrar re births or deaths consititues perjury. It doesn't invalidate the birth or death though.

Errol Hmm.

I am curious now.

What does happen to people who get married who have two parents who are both the same sex? If you have two parents who are both men, and you decide to get married yourself, do your parents fight it out for a place on your marriage certificate? Toss a coin? Go alphabetical?

Where's that registrar?

I'm curious too. I had a friend who was brought up by 2 mums, although she did have a dad till she was 2. It would be a shame if neither of her parents were allowed to be on her wedding certificate but the man who left when she was tiny was allowed to be on there.

The advice for registrars isn't very 21st century, no mention of same sex parents, men are allowed for some no-biological-connection reasons (step-father etc) but a woman is only grudgingly allowed if she was the sole adopter.

Hmm.

Ah well.

It's Friday.

Anyone going to a wedding this weekend? I'm going to a housewarming tomorrow, which should be lovely. Tonight I had some Doritos and am contemplating a shandy. I have got a lot of people chasing after me at work at the moment so I am Trying Not To Think About Work Until Monday.

Doritos and shandy sounds wonderful. I've got no alcohol whatever in the house - it doesn't agree with DH's meds and I can take it or leave it but it's been one of those weeks ... oh well, I'll raise a virtual glass.

I haven't been to a wedding since my own. I've only ever been to 4 weddings as an adult, so I'm unlikely to be in a position to ask a registrar. My friend is getting married soon, maybe she can ask, but i think she's already been labeled as awkward since she's crossed out "bride" and "groom" and replaced them with "bride 1" and "bride 2". It's rubbish that the forms and certificates haven't caught up with changes in the law, and in wider society.

Wot? No Ginzing? (completely dates my Uni years). Also, I would like to raise a supporting voice for watermelon Bacardi Breezer - well worth a try.

Also, Crisps should be those scampi things (and I don't even like scampi) - packets splayed open in the middle of a sticky table for all to share.

Registrars are a bit behind the times, when I queried why DS2 could have his surname changed to his father's on his birth certificate, but not mine, I was told it was a courtesy granted to fathers (but clearly not mothers).... so we deed polled him, and I regret forever not asserting my wishes more strongly (in fairness, it wasn't DP stopping me, it was me worrying about DS1 being put out.. but once he was old enough to ask it turned out he didn't care)

No weddings,but I am going to a kids bday party

I did not have a shandy, but found an alternative.

I would veto warermelon Bacardi Breezers (srsly? wtf?) but I am a selfless person, so if you would like some I will try to get some in stock by next weekend. I am not sure that they are even still manufactured?

Watermelon Bacardi Breezers? Is that even a thing?

I'm home alone, no DH no kids, and I'm up at the crack of dawn. WTF?

Hurrah! It's Friday.

I am going to a party tomorrow - let's hope there are no watermelon Bacardi Breezers there - but I will be here tonight.

Those guidelines are depressing. So if DS ever gets married (father unknown) he just has to leave that space blank, but if I were his adoptive mother he would be allowed (albeit grudgingly) to put my name down, and if I ever married, even if it was once he was an adult and my husband had played no part at all in his upbringing, he could put my husband's name down there!

Hey, has anyone else seen this? 2 women colluding with a man to rape a third. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-37446971 I haven't started a thread about it as I don't know what to say other than I'm seriously disturbed that women would collude in rape. We don't need this kind of equality.

May I have a nice hot chocolate please erinaceous. I have just had a conversation with my visiting PILs about Lauren Jeska encompassing my thoughts on trans rights trumping women's rights in sport, media reporting, crime stats and prisons. I normally keep a tight rein on the ol' feminism so as not to appear too out-there, but I may have got a little enthusiastic with my feminist diatribe. They listened politely. I've gone upstairs to BF the baby, who is hopefully going to grow up well educated in feminist thought, but she is only 5mo old and was hungry 🙂

Hi powershower, I hope you found the hot chocolate last night as I had an early night.

I do understand the concept of Ann over-enthusiast diatribe. It reminds me of the bit in Tim Minchin's poem "Storm", whether I have drunk any wine or not:

Everyone's just staring now,
But I'm pretty pissed and I've dug this far down,
So I figure, in for penny, in for a pound...

Yep that pretty much nails it ;-)

That's a horrible story, Bungo. That poor woman.

Can I reserve a corner of the pub for the next week please? My mother in law is coming to stay for a week. She is a kind person, and her heart's in the right place but...last time she stayed she wore me to a shred. She's very high maintenance, and a hypochondriac. She has already pre-warned me that she's not well and will be arriving in a wheelchair due to a chest infection. I find it very, very hard to be understanding because I never know if the illnesses are real or fabricated, and I feel like a despicable person when I don't believe her. I will smile, and be nice and make her visit enjoyable (but please can I come in here periodically and throw gin down my neck to help me cope??)

powershower, solidarity fist bump for inlaws. I don't think my impending MIL would appreciate the finer points of my gender critical grand theory of everything .

She still hasn't got over me not taking her darling boy's name on marriage, despite it being the name of her two-husbands-ago husband that she hasn't had for thirty years either...!

FreshwaterSelkie

Absolutely. The pub will be here.

I tend to be of the opinion that in-law relationships are some of the most difficult relationships I have encountered.

If you do not know the origins of your DMIL's ailments, in a way it is best that she arrive in a wheelchair. At least she is prepared to do that. Some people who are not terribly mobile, refuse to use a wheelchair, then make things difficult for everybody who wants to go anywhere, because their lack of mobility constrains everybody else.

Is your home able to cope with a wheelchair? One of the things about wheelchairs, is that they do not go well with properties, particularly older properties or properties not built with wheelchairs in mind. I spent a short period working with the elderly when I was in my teens. The wheelchair handling skills I developed during that time have turned out to be surprisingly useful in all sorts of contexts. If DMIL is not used to the wheelchair, and nor are you, and nor is the house, it could be extra frustrating for everybody - the wheelchair as a sort of metaphor for obstruction and not wanting to go anywhere, that type of thing. I hope that the weekend goes well, and remember, we are here in the pub with our supply of your choice of beverages*, and our understanding.

• watermelon Bacardi Breezers excluded. You may bring your own, though. We do not charge corkage.

My mil doesn't visit my house which I'm extremely grateful for. I suspect it's some sort of comment on my housekeeping (not her darling son, I'm the one expected to keep the house nice) but it suits me fine. We get to choose when we visit them, she goes out of her way to cook enough food to feed about 100 people and we're sent home with leftovers which feed us for a couple of days. Win win.

So to anyone with annoying in laws.

My current gripe is about dh. He regularly goes to the gym on the way home from work, arriving home any time between 6:30 and 7. I can't do that as I collect dd2 from the cm by 5:30 so don't have time. So on his day off, I have started going for a walk or a swim on my way home and getting home about 6 ish. He asked me very accusingly where I went and why I was so late home. He won't ask again, but I don't understand why he doesn't expect me to use the freedom of not having a specific time to be home in the same way he does.

Hello all. Mine's a nice warming whiskey please.

Selkie- and for your visit from the MIL. I completely understand the mixed feelings about the hypochondriac MIL- mine is also perfectly pleasant in most ways but always has a collection of self diagnosed ailments so never sure whether to give her lots if sympathy (incase she's really ill) or if this will just encourage her.

With mine it seems to be part of a general theme of wanting to appear weak and in need of help. She sees this as a 'feminine' trait (her comments on capable independent women give this away). I don't want to be unkind to her but really don't want DD to get this message.

I never understand people who think it's feminine to be weak and need help. I've spent my entire life surrounded by strong, capable, independent women, none of whom would ever admit to needing help with anything (this can be a problem at times, as everybody needs help occasionally). Maybe being weak is how aristocratic women traditionally behaved, but for the vast majority of women, for the vast majority of history, they couldn't afford to be weak because they had all the heavy work of running a home (and usually working on something economically necessary as well) to do.

Just popping in to say hungover hello. Not posting much, all the gender related threads have overwhelmed me