Need help on deciding whether to continue seeing this CPN

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I may post this on the MH board as well but for the minute I'd like to post in what I know to be a very supportive place.

I have a raft of MH issues inc. depression (PN & regular!), OCD (PN & regular) as well as possibly PTSD from various traumatic experiences inc. rape. Yes I am a mess

I have been referred to a CPN by my GP as my current set of meds just isn't cutting it and I am feeling suicidal. I saw the CPN today at a health clinic.

I was talking about my XP who raped me while I was asleep after I miscarried his baby due to a suicide attempt (first bf, rather naive as a teen, didn't know I was pg, rapes didn't happen directly after but a few weeks post miscarriage) and how when he gave up raping me he would still molest me while I slept (hands inside me etc).

The CPN told me he had done this to partners of his and he didn't see it as rape/abuse as it had been done by my then boyfriend and it 'he' (my XP) was feeling 'horny' that it would be normal for him to begin touching me sexually if I was sleeping next to him. I explain consent has to be given for it to be not assault/abuse as if you are asleep you can't consent let alone give enthusiastic consent. He seemed fairly shocked by this concept and suggested I post on facebook to see what other people thought (I had said I try to block out my thoughts by faffing about playing games/facebooking on my mobile rather than deal with life/the children).

We talked for quite a bit more after that and I brought up my being date raped on a 2nd date after I invited the man in question back to mine as the pub was a bit dead (he was a friend of a friend and it was early evening not kicking out time, neither of us were drunk so I thought I'd be safe). The CPN suggested I must have realised 'coming back to mine for a drink' meant come & have sex with me for most men. I explained I said no to sex, kept saying no to sex but gave up and went into shut down mode & let him get on with it (man was a lot taller & stronger than me and I was used to acquiescing to my XP's demands for sex [was easier than risking rape or more physical pain than usual]). The CPN then said something like 'ah, that was your OCD shutting you down'.

The CPN is now going to be paying me a home visit next week.

I don't know what to do (aside for eat my own body weight in valium as I'm feeling even more anxious than before the appointment)

NanaNina I wish you knew how awful it is to tell the victim of any abuse how they must deal with it. It's really basic. Read basgeti's post.

OP I'm really glad you feel strong enough to report and hope your DH is loving and supportive all the way.

AskBasil how do you know that I'm not the victim of abuse?

I don't NanaNina and I don't think it's relevant.

How you deal with someone abusing you, is entirely up to you - your decision, your call. I would be horrified if anyone told you you had to deal with being abused in a way that might not be right for you, that could re-traumatise you and re-victimise you. I would absolutely support your right to deal with your abuse and your abuser in the way that was right for you. I would never tell you that you simply must deal with it in the way I thought was right, which might be wrong for you.

I think that's pretty basic tbh.

That's not relevant nina. Racist comments are wrong, regardless of the ethnicity of the person making them.

Someone in a position of power ( you repeatedly post that you are a retired social worker ) telling a service user who is a survivor of abuse what they MUST to is inappropriate.

Everyone who has posted is horrified at this mans behaviour and wishes to see him dealt with so he can't treat other clients this way . No one is questioning your motivation, just the words you used and the placing of responsibility onto someone who may not be able to carry that burden

Oops x posted with basil

OP , I just spotted the comments about Facebook in your original post.

You might want to check the privacy settings on your Facebook page to make sure that only people you want to can see it . The suggestion that you post about being assaulted on your FB is bizarre .

I hadn't spotted that either OP. That is really weird. Why on earth would a HCP want you to post something like that on there?

I hope you're doing ok this evening.

I think he wanted me to see how 'normal' sexual contact with a sleeping partner was and to see if anyone else would think it was abuse as he said something like 'you should go on fb and ask if anyone else has heard of that before'. He said that after I explained about consent being unable to be given if asleep let alone enthusiastic consent. I made a quip about how I thought it had already been covered by plenty of feminists.

My fb is locked down pretty tight and I would never discuss this on anything but an anonymous forum like MN (if anyone knows me in my regular MN guise please keep it to yoyrselves ) or in a carefully moderated secret group on fb. I'd def. not put up a publicly accessible status asking if it was fine for my boyfriend to shove his hands in me until I bleed while I slept if he was 'horny'. I can't imagine the vile responses that would garner!

Still can't sleep though. My gp rang today but I missed her call. I've not heard back from the cpn team leader so I guess I'll be chasing that up. Which is exactly what I need. I wish there was a system in place that when you needed extra help/sypport/raise an issue about your care that they came to you. I'm struggling enough as it is without having to do extra leg work.

Still can't sleep though. My gp rang today but I missed her call. I've not heard back from the cpn team leader so I guess I'll be chasing that up. Which is exactly what I need. I wish there was a system in place that when you needed extra help/sypport/raise an issue about your care that they came to you. I'm struggling enough as it is without having to do extra leg work.

Well you did as he said and asked on social media if it was assault, and we've all agreed this man is a rapist. It's especially scary that he doesn't even see those things as wrong.

He may think twice in the future...

Much as I am loathe to hi-jack this thread I must ask Kristina what on earth are you talking about? I have not made any claim about being assaulted on FB in my OP in this thread. Please evidence your allegation, alongside the one that I have made racist comments. Have you lost the plot????

Just realised you are talking to the OP Kristina but I am still waiting for your evidence that I have made racist comments.

Also Kristina I don't know how you perceive that I am in a position of power - regardless of my previous occupation where incidentally I was not in a position of power - authority maybe, but not power. I am a service user of mental health services myself and have the right to make comments without you consistently "jumping on me" at every given opportunity to point out my inappropriateness. I have my own views about your reasons for so doing but will keep those to myself.

You are doing great OP, I hope you manage to get through to someone today x

But back to the original thread - is there any possibility that this could have been a bogus CPN - difficult to perceive I know, but not impossible. A few years ago there was a spare of bogus social workers visiting families about the care of their children. There have also been cases of bogus doctors "working" in hospitals.

Just a thought.

OP, did you manage to talk to the GP or the CPN team leader ? I'm sorry that you are not getting much support in this

I'm no sure if you are being sincere or not nana, but kristina was not saying you had made racist comment. Reread her post.

No not heard from anyone & I've not been well enough to either (I have another health condition/disability that reared its ugly head today). I feel terribly suicidal (not going to act on it just feeling it) as this incident feels like another brick in the wall. I have my lovely husband and friend for RL support but there's only so much snivelling about poor old me that I'd inflict on anyone.

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so down, no wonder when you've had so much to deal with this week. Processing all this stuff, trying to get it sorted out in you head and then having to fight to make a complaint is very exhausting, mentally and physically. Please go easy on yourself and don't take on more than you can.

Can I just check that the CPN visit for next week has been cancelled or allocated to another worker ? You don't want to have that worry

Do you have someone in RL who can come over and be with you today, or even chat on the phone? And do you have a plan in place for what to do if you think you might be going to harm yourself ?

I see you are using the tactic of ignoring my posts Kristina which of course is your right. However I think I have a right of reply to your allegations that I have made racist comments, and that I am in a position of power over a service user who is a survivor of sexual abuse. If you choose to ignore this I will take it as evidence that you have no defence.

Reallyfeelingfedup here is Kristina's comment of 4th June:

That's not relevant nina. Racist comments are wrong, regardless of the ethnicity of the person making them

My mum is over today as my health problems mean I am not able to look after myself/the children but I can't talk to her about what's going on as she doesn't know what went on in my previous relationship (just that he wasn't very nice to me). She knows the cpn was inappropriate during the appt but doesn't know how badly its affected me. I've not got a plan or serious intent to harm myself just feeling like I should. I've a few things I read when I get like this that remind me the feelings will subside I just have to keep holding on.

Cpn appt isn't cancelled as I didn't think of it wheni rang the clinic

I'm glad you've got your Mum with you, would it be possible for her or your DH to call and cancel the appointment on your behalf? It would be one less thing for you to have to deal with.