Feminist Pub VII - Chat, questions, random thoughts too small for a thread ...

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Just setting this up while we finish off the last few posts on the old thread. Come in and pull up a bar stool!

[CaptChaos]

More for LRD from me. Bullying is so hard to walk away from, but you have remained calmer than I did in the face of huge provocation. Much kudos to you, and hopefully, the bully will get bored soon enough.

[CailinDana]

I am pleased that he sees my point of view but...annoyed...? that he seems to see me differently?
I am also very aware that I have opened his eyes to something quite horrible and angry-making, and I feel bad about that - is that a bit silly? He seemed quite upset when I was talking to him.

How you doing LRD?

I find the amount I forget about my children really sad. I can barely remember DS as a baby, and he's only 3, and I am constantly aware that in 3 years I'll have forgotten what he's like now :(

[CaptChaos]

I have a cassette tape. On one side is my voice recorded as a young child with my DF, on the other is DS1 when he was about 3. I haven't played it for years, I don't even know if it does still play, as I have no tape player. I'm glad I have it though

[StormyBrid]

I can see why you feel bad, Cailin, but it's the state of the world that's upset him. I'm pretty sure you're not personally responsible for the state of the world. Still feels a bit crappy to be the bearer of bad news though. There's probably space for some pondering on how we're socialised in there too, but my brain's a bit too frazzled to come up with anything coherent.

I was looking at photos of my daughter when she was five months old last night. Barely recognised her in some of them, and it was only last summer. I can vividly recall her younger face in photos, but I don't seem to have any clear memories of it. It's odd, and it makes mea little sad.

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

Saw him again today and he seemed different towards me. More "protective," which was a little odd.I'm not sure how to feel about all this.

If he had told you the same, how would you feel towards him? I recently found out something similar about a friend and I just want to wrap her up in a big hug. I think it's natural to want to protect the people you care about. I think also t's hard for men to process how much happens to women and how many women they know (and care about) who have suffered abuse.

[CailinDana]

True RFFU. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I think I'm a bit touchy about people seeing me differently once they know I've been raped, as it extends the effect of the rape IYSWIM? I don't want people to brush it off and ignore it but I would prefer if they acknowledged it and then treated me the same. But I know I can't dictate other people's reactions.

One thing I noticed was that he sat on the floor while I sat on a chair and I got the distinct impression he was trying to make himself as non-threatening as possible. He is a very tall, strong person and I had mentioned how I feel vulnerable around men as I am aware of how they could overpower me, so I feel like he was trying to convey, unconsciously, that he wasn't a threat.

I was surprised at how the whole thing hit me - talking about the rape is hard of course (and I didn't really talk about it, just alluded to it) but the whole thing left me quite shaky and upset.

[CailinDana]

I found out recently that my rapist got married. I think that has hit me a bit too. She has no idea that she has married a rapist. And that's partly my fault as I didn't report him.

[Lovecat]

to LRD. I've just finished reading that thread. :(

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

One thing I noticed was that he sat on the floor while I sat on a chair and I got the distinct impression he was trying to make himself as non-threatening as possible. He is a very tall, strong person and I had mentioned how I feel vulnerable around men as I am aware of how they could overpower me, so I feel like he was trying to convey, unconsciously, that he wasn't a threat.

He sounds like a really nice guy :) And I actually think it's a good thing if men are bit more aware of how they make women feel around them.

he has no idea that she has married a rapist. And that's partly my fault as I didn't report him.

but no way is that your fault. Not in any tiny way.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Cailin

[UptoapointLordCopper]

Good morning! Waiting for the internet-fixer to turn up. No plans at all otherwise. Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I certainly intend to after working through bank holiday and half term ...

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

Morning lordcopper,

Enjoy your time off! :)

It's the village festival this weekend here so we're going to take advantage of that. It's what I love about England there's always a fete going on somewhere

[rosabud]

I've relaxed a bit too much this half term and am thinking of going for a run this morning. Thinking seems easier than actually running, though. Perhpas if I sit here in the corner with an orange juice, I might get the energy up to procede further ........

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

running is bad for your knees, have a lie in instead

[CaptChaos]

Swimming is nice, but unless you have a pool in your garden, annoying to get to. A bath might be even better

[StormyBrid]

rosa, if you find some energy, send some my way? Four hour's sleep really wasn't enough...

[rosabud]

Oh dear, you are supposed to be encouragng me!! While I am sipping my orange juice and thinking about running, I am also waiting to see if anyone answers my sobby post in Good Housekeeping about ruining a favourite top in a laundry accident. Such an exciting life I lead.

Why did you only have four hours sleep, Stormy, were you out doing something exciting?

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

NO one ever goes to their death bed wishing they had done more jogging.

I have been lamenting the fact that Saturday mornings used to basically consist of sex. They now consist of nappies, cbbs and cleaning rice krispies out of a toddler.

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

I did not have enough sleep either. And I worked out that I need to lose about 14kg of post-baby weight before all my clothes fit. Realise that is not a very feminist thing to be annoyed about, but it annoys me. They are hanging there, looking at me, and I have about four things to choose from.

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

Are you bf penguins, that will help with the weight loss or so I hear, hasn't worked for me

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

Didn't work for me before either may have been the cake

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

Sorry, didn't answer. Yes, he bf's like a pro

[CaptChaos]

I think it worked for me, but if I'm completely honest, DS2 was such a guzzler, and my boobs were so huge, it might just have been a comparison effect, or possibly the inability to actually see my belly for months .

Is it wrong that I miss BFing far more than I miss anything else about when my boys were tiny?

[UptoapointLordCopper]

We had pancakes with blueberries and strawberries and apples and bananas for breakfast. That's done 4 of our 7-a-day, surely. Now we can relax about it.

I've discovered the square brackets on the virtual keyboard on the phone. Things are looking up.

[UptoapointLordCopper]

I gained 15kg from having 2 dc that I have never managed to shed though I can't say I've put in any effort. Was underweight before and now at least they let me give blood.