Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Lapdancing and telling off dh's mate.

365 replies

Manchesterhistorygirl · 02/10/2013 17:41

I blame you lot. Thanks.

Last night dh's friend was telling him all about his recent visit to a lap dancing bar. I told him he and his mates were a bunch of twats and I was disgusted at them all, especially since they all have partners.

I also told dh if I ever found out he'd done the same it'd be the absolute last thing he ever did.

So my nest of vipers, thank you for giving me the confidence to handle a situation I've always found disgusting, but wouldn't have ever spoken out about until I joined here.

OP posts:
LurcioLovesFrankie · 03/10/2013 17:11

We'll have to agree to differ, then. I still reckon going to a lapdancing club is prima facie evidence of being a knob and absolves me of any responsibility to engage with said knob. I'm pushing 50 and frankly, life's too short. There are nice, intelligent men and women I could be talking to.

LurcioLovesFrankie · 03/10/2013 17:12

That was to cominalongnicely, btw, who is interested in reasonable discussion. Clearly not to Yougotbale (to repeat: life's too short).

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/10/2013 17:19

Bale. You told the OP she was controlling - that was unnecessary and goading. Your last post doesn't actually make enough sense for me respond to though - but your posting style is strangely familiar.

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 17:25

I know. I read it back and it was nonsense. I meant that you can't edit what people write or say. It was good that the OP spoke up for herself

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/10/2013 17:27

Bale, Your posts don't indicate that you think it was good she spoke up for herself- you called her controlling.

Still, if that's what you're saying now - then that's a good thing.

Grennie · 03/10/2013 17:28

This thread is a classic example of men trying to put a feminist "back in her place". They obviously don't think any woman has a right to see herself as an equal to her male partner. And they don't think she should be pleased she stood up for her views, instead of being silenced like so many women are.

Manchester, I am so glad you did this and that this forum gave you the confidence to do it.

And ignore the idiots on here who think a woman should STFU. I suspect some of the posters here think Manchester should have been in the kitchen making sandwiches instead of talking about what she thinks.

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 17:29

I've always said that sab. I don't know what you are talking about?

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/10/2013 17:34

Got it in one, Grennie.

Anyone who doesn't think feminism is still needed should read the posts on this thread.

Yougotbale - we're even then, because I haven't known what you're talking about throughout this thread - except for going on about the op being abusive and Dawn French Hmm Still, it whiles away the day for you, I'm sure.

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 17:45

Sab - that and that it was the right for the OP to speak up. Abusive is my interpretation of what was said.
I hope we would be even. Especially on here.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/10/2013 17:50

Still not any making sense yougotbale. She did the right thing, but it was abusive?

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 18:02

Sab - lol. Right to speak up, in the first place.

Wrong/abusive to say what she did to her husband. Using a threat to control someone is bad in my book.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/10/2013 18:08

She has every right to tell her dh she does not want him in a lap dancing club - and that if he does so, she will no longer be in a relationship with him. It is not abusive for a woman to state acceptable boundaries within her own relationship.

It is not controlling for a woman to be in a relationship on her own terms.

ArmyDad · 03/10/2013 18:11

Weird. You think it was ok to tell her husbands friend off, but not to discuss boundaries with her husband?

Seems strange

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 18:12

Sab - of course not. But joking about murder is abusive in my eyes. This is how it reads to me. So from my point of view DV is not funny or healthy for a relationship. Threatening people as a means to control I don't accept. That might just be me.
I understand your reading of it. That is why you see it differently.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/10/2013 18:14

In the words of Marge Simpson:

"Oh please, it's a figure of speech"

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 18:18

It reads abusive to me and controlling. Please allow me to have an opinion. I have accepted from the start that you have a differing opinion to me. It's ok, you know

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/10/2013 18:21

It's a very goady opinion to call a woman, who is pleased to have spoken out, and laid some boundaries for her husband's behaviour in front of his misogynistic friend, "abusive."

That's my opinion, and I'm calling you on yours.

ReviewsOffers · 03/10/2013 18:22

it's fucking stupid to pretend you thought she meant she was actually going to kill her partner.

No body thinks that in RL

Spottybra · 03/10/2013 18:26

Pre mn and dd I wouldn't have thought twice about anyone visiting or working in a lap dancing club.

Post mn and dd I say good on you.

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 18:27

Sab - not goady if I perceive a threat is used. Setting boundaries are healthy.

BuffytheFeministFeminist · 03/10/2013 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/10/2013 18:29

To make out the op 'made threats' and was abusive is, in the great words of reviewsoffers, fucking stupid.

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 18:30

Buffy - it may have been jokingly.however, it sounds bad to me. I would feel abusive if I said that to someone

AnyFucker · 03/10/2013 18:37

Ygb, for God's sake go and make yourself a sandwich, you are digging a hole deeper than the one currently between your ears. I am embarassed for you.

Yougotbale · 03/10/2013 18:43

Fucker - I've only just eaten. It's my view point. If it will make everyone happy I'll change my mind. I agree with everyone that isn't wrong on here.