Random men speaking to you

[enimmead]

I'm sure men don't randomly speak to other men in the street. Strangers. So why the hell do they feel they have to speak to random women. I don't think it's got anything to do with chatting up.

Yesterday, I saw a 20 something bloke with his mates slip in front of me on the ice. As I got out, he said "Hi love, did you see that!!!" I'm could be his mum bit older than him. Why speak to me? I just smiled but I bet he wouldn't' have said anything if I'd been male.

Just walking down the street, other side of the road bloke smiles and says "Hi love". No idea who he was.

Do blokes do this to other random blokes?

[Leithlurker]

Women cannot be straw, female who present false misleading arguments in order to obscure the real debate are called what?

And thank you esme Men only talk to random women they want to shag is what your saying. I would love to see your evidence for that, your worth is judged by so many people in so many ways that you have no control over, so you return the compliment by wanting no man to speak to you becouse you have already judged that he only want your phone number. Would that apply to all men, women, children?

[YouCanBe]

I only get this is I dress nicely.
If I keep my armour of scruff on, I get left safely alone.

(Ugh. Other people.)

[YouCanBe]

If, not is.

[TheFarSide]

If a man randomly says hello to you because he finds you attractive, what's the problem? There is also the possibility that the man is just being friendly.

Really, this is a depressingly misanthropic thread.

[FromEsme]

The PERSON doing the argument isn't a straw man, the ARGUMENT itself is called a straw man. It is a reference to a particular book and therefore not sexist. I fear you might be doing it again, by bringing up such a ridiculous argument.

I don't have evidence beyond the anecdotal. Men talk to me in the street. Women don't. No man has ever spoken to my partner (male) in the street.

Shrug. If that's not your experience, that's great. It is my experience and the OP's.

[AllTheYoungDudes]

I talk to anyone,and reply with a smile if anyone talks to me.

It's nice to be nice.

[FromEsme]

TheFarSide I don't mind men finding me attractive, shit, even though I clearly hate men, I WANT them to find me attractive. God it's hard being a feminist.

What I don't like is the fact that so often when I make it clear I don't want to chat, they carry on regardless. It is threatening and unpleasant, to the point where, if anyone chats to me, I tend to put my guard up straight away.

It is unpleasant indeed that we live in such a society that means that anyone chatting to me instantly gets the cold shoulder, I agree. But that is not my fault, but the fault of all the men who have called me a bitch or a slag or threatened me when I didn't want to talk to them.

[AllTheYoungDudes]

I have to say i have never been called any of those names just because i didn't want to talk to a man.
I'm not saying for one minute that it doesn't happen just that it hasn't happened to me.
I like a chat with just about anyone,even just a friendly nod in passing might cheer someone else up.

[FromEsme]

AllTheYoungDudes you are lucky then. It happens a lot less now that I have more self-confidence.

[VBisme]

I walk along the street and smile at everyone who passes me, I sometimes evening say, good morning or good afternoon.

I'm new to the area and have never had a negative response to this approach. (Nor have I ever been "chatted up").

What's wrong with being friendly?

[shadylane]

Wow esme I am pretty sure I've never been called a botch or a slag in the street. How unfortunate that you have. The only annoying thing I frequently get when road cycling is 'smile it might never happen'. I must look serious when concentrating in traffick

[babesdontlie]

I'm with YoungDudes

I chat to anyone who wants to pass the time of day when I'm out and about doing errands or walking the dogs.

I always make a point of saying "hello" or "morning" or answering old people as I might be the only person they have spoken to that day, and that thought makes me sad.

Can't say I've seen a visible difference in the men/women ratio.

DH has previously commented that he sees women are 'drawn' to chat and be friendly to me.

What I won't acknowledge is people (men or women) who want me to join in complaining about anything (the queue/the traffic/the train being late etc), sorry, if you want to be negative, you're on your own.

[amillionyears]

I love it.
Men and women oftne randomly chat to me.
And I smile and briefly chat back.

I do wonder whether men might do it more than women because, on the whole, men are not so chatty as women. So they like the social interaction they can get with some! women.

[TheOriginalPan]

Well, men do make odd random chats with other blokes, ime. I know I do. Funny observations, comments about the weather (you know when it's really warm etc). I'm not sure how any particular woman can judge as to when/how men do this unless they were to set up a very sophisticated monitoring system?
I'd guess that as a woman the reaction depends a lot on your previous experiences of being 'approached', if it's good or bad.

[OpheliaPayneAgain]

By your words OP you are old enough to be his mother. Perhaps he was properly brought up and always has a smile and a pleasantry for old ladies

[RumbleGreen]

I think you are only seeing what you want to see I can personally tell you men do talk to other random men. Especially in the first scenario he did something embarrassing he made light of the situation.

[SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR]

THere are two different types of chat, though. THere are the people who make a passing comment to strangers, which is OK (though can be annoying if you are deep in thought or whatever) and there are men who think they are entitled to bother you because you are out without visible signs of a male owner.

[TheOriginalPan]

It could also be a regional thing. When Londoners/SE people come up North they always comment on how easy people seem to feel in chatting at bus stops or anywhere folks are meeting in public temporarily.
Try going to Ireland - you're badgered to death for details of where your mammy lives/where you work when just trying to buy a coffee.

[FromEsme]

VBisme I don't think anyone said there was anything wrong with being friendly, but then that's not what we're talking about, is it?

[TheOriginalPan]

Esme - you said " Men speak to young, attractive women. It's fuck all to do with a feeling of community." - that just isn't true at all. Some men may only speak to young attractive women, but blanket assertions like that points to where your experience/thinking is, but isn't reflected in lots of people's experience. And is a bit insulting to portray men as shark-like operators.

[colditz]

I DO live in a culture where strangers randomly talk to each other, I wouldn't have been remotely bothered by this.

[AllTheYoungDudes]

Well what are we talking about FromEsme?

A young man made a remark about his mate slipping on ice to an older woman,not a sexually charged remark,just a jokey aside.

Then another man says 'Hi love'.

I don't tend to say things like 'love' or 'darling' but i wouldn't read anything odd into either of these.

[InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream]

Tbh if someone slipped on ice they'd know if I saw it as I would be laughing. If he said that to me I'd have "no, so you will have to do it again"

Men randomly talking to me doesn't bother me. If it's filth they are speaking then I don't appreciate it and will tell them to fuck off. But been nice and just saying hi? I don't see the issue.

I went into somewhere the other day where a man who was meant to be helping just started talking about my phone That was strange tbh but he was vert chatty so he no doubt is the same no matter the sex of the person.

[WillYuleDoTheFandango]

He was probably just embarrassed that you saw him and was trying to make light of it.

I talk to anyone, some people answer some don't. Lots of people (men, women, children, old people on benches) randomly strike up conversation with me too. I must have that sort of face. I like it

[colditz]

Young men speak randomly to me all the time, and I am thirty two, haggard, and have small people attached to my every appendage.