Random men speaking to you

[enimmead]

I'm sure men don't randomly speak to other men in the street. Strangers. So why the hell do they feel they have to speak to random women. I don't think it's got anything to do with chatting up.

Yesterday, I saw a 20 something bloke with his mates slip in front of me on the ice. As I got out, he said "Hi love, did you see that!!!" I'm could be his mum bit older than him. Why speak to me? I just smiled but I bet he wouldn't' have said anything if I'd been male.

Just walking down the street, other side of the road bloke smiles and says "Hi love". No idea who he was.

Do blokes do this to other random blokes?

[TiggyD]

"Do blokes do this to other random blokes? "

Yes.

But not everywhere. I was visiting a little village the other day to go for a walk in the surrounding hills and 4 or 5 people in the village said hello to me, including several men. It might not happen in cities or Towns, but if you get into the country or generally away from the South East you get men talking to other men randomly. Tends to be older men, but not entirely.
I've not had a man call me love, but I've had "Dear" a few times. It's a local thing where I live.

[TiggyD]

I even got called "Moi Luvver" in Cornwall the other year. I didn't realise people actually said it!

[OddBoots]

As a 30-something woman I am just as guilty of this, I ended up talking to an unknown (lost) teenage lad last week and mentally kicked myself as I found myself calling him 'sweetheart'.

[Leithlurker]

It was a societal point Esme, you dont want random men tasking you for your number, maybe others do. Maybe some woman would like to ask random men or women for their numbers. Night clubs, bars, even supermarkets are places where both sexes apparently "hook" up. Your partner was random at some point esme.

From stats very many people are having random encounters initiated by both sexes, how is this achieved if not by someone chatting up someone else. My scenario was a shortened version of a pub club scenario. It is you that wishes to say that you do not want chatted up it is you that it saying all women do not want chatted up. I think given what we know about the behaviour of people that is patently untrue for a large number of people despite what you want esme.

I would then make a further point, if we are only talking about random conversation that you only suspect will lead to an attempt to get your number I am presuming you "screen" out most males who attempt to speak to you. In which case as unforgivable as being called really horrible names is, you are giving out a signal that dismisses someone's presence, they may well feel that it is you that is being rude.

[MoreBeta]

I do speak to random people in the street if the occassion warrants it. Man or woman.

Its not like I am a regular chatterbox but if we are say in a situation occurs where you are thrown together with other people then striking up an conversation rather than just standing there in silence seems more sociable.

Its not hollering across the street or propositioning people though - which would be annoying and unwelcome.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

This drives me crazy. I feel like a lot of men feel entitled to talk to/disturb/harass any woman they see. It's a subtle way of reminding us who has the power. If they don't get the hint when I ignore them/give them a monosyllabic reply and turn away, I find a hard stare and "I don't want to talk to you" usually does the trick.

[FromEsme]

lemonmuffin no-one talking to me in the street sounds like HEAVEN.

[exoticfruits]

I just talk to random people- friendliness helps the world go around. You don't have to read anything into it.

[digerd]

I,ve met so many talkative lovely ladies on the bus, and been told very interesting life stories, also some sad ones. Makes the journey fly by.

[enimmead]

Like I said - I have no problem with small talk in queues etc. It makes the world a nicer place.

But just walking down the street and a bloke on the other side looked at me and said "Hi love". It's just something about that that made me feel uncomfortable. I happily say hi when out in the country - it's just what happens but it just seems too "out of place" on the main road.

And the young bloke He was surrounded by his 3 mates. I was in my car when he slipped. I got out a minute later and he then made the "Did you see that love " comment. Maybe he was trying to be funny but I just don't think he'd have made that comment if I'd been a bloke. It was not an attempt at conversation or smalltalk- just a statement. And the fact he was with his 3 mates did make me feel uncomfortable.

[helpyourself]

It sounds as if you're extrapolating from two mildly lairy encounters way too much.
As many posters have said, strangers talk to each other, sometimes with sleezy intent, but by and large it makes the world a friendlier place.

[scottishmummy]

op you're still supposing sinister content and somewhat making loose associations
IMO,nothing sinister in what the man said to you
if you feel spooked by mere proximity of 3males only one if whom made comment, well that's peculiar

[InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream]

There's a man who walks his dog around my area. When he sees me he shouts "hi love" if he's on the other side of the road and waves. I wave back. There's nothing sinister or creepy about it.

The 'did you see that" comment is nothing. He slipped and asked if you saw it. I'd have laughed. It's not like he shouted "get ya tits out".

[FromEsme]

No, there's nothing sinister about someone you see every day talking to you and I doubt that's what anyone on this thread is saying.

[InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream]

I dont know the man. When he first ever said it I didn't find anything dodgy about it either.

[FromEsme]

That's interesting, SP . What's your point?

[Leithlurker]

Holla, I have seen this argument made before, that men "feel" they are "entitled" to talk to women and this is some kind of harassment. Wolf whistles, leering, making public comments, about how you look, what you are wearing, what they think about you are all harassment. Not acceptable, just like racist or homophobic behaviour language would be.

I cannot see though that a bloke saying "Hello Love" from across the other side of the street, not followed by "get your baps out for the lads" is harassment".

Enimmead, I get what you mean by the three blokes, but not that the comment which was made would worry you. Why would he not take the opportunity to embaress even further his friend who fell. It was not an invitation to talk about the Israel Palestine situation it was just a quick reply that was called for. I worry that young people, boys and girls are becoming more demonised so that even when they try and engage people with just a throw away comment it is seen as a threat. Women should be able to walk where and when they want, but fear of others is also keeping both generations and sexes apart.

[InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream]

My point is there's nothing sinister about a man saying hi or making a comment about falling on the ice. Just as if it was a woman saying it.

[FromEsme]

I'm not sure anyone's arguing that it's sinister and or threatening.

They're mostly arguing that a. it happens and b. it's annoying for some.

I'm mostly interested in the pure fact that it happens. Men talk to women in the street, where women don't generally talk to men or other women, and men don't talk to other men.

Fair enough if you either a. don't agree that that's the case or b. find nothing interesting about the fact that it does. That's fine. But there's no point in trying to argue that anyone's saying they find it sinister.

Great, you like people talking to you in the street. Personally I find it annoying. Both views are fine and both are equally valid. I resent being made out to be some sort of anti-social weirdo for not wanting to talk to people I don't know.

[WithTheDude]

I agree with the op and Esme. It is so very obvious when men are doing it be arseholes. Shouting "hello love" from the other side of the street is part of street harassment. The fact that male posters don't understand that it can be intimidating for that to happen to women is the problem.

Men don't experience anywhere near the street harassment women do. Some of you may want to read up about Hollaback

Also, stereotypes based on nationality are offensive.

[amillionyears]

Can I ask why you personally dont like it.
You dont find it sinister or threatening.
Presumably you dont feel nicer for the encounter afterwards?

You do say it takes up your time
And you do say they are "judging your worth".

Am I right in thinking you think they are looking and talking to you like a piece of meat? Or have I got that wrong?

You dont have to answer that if you dont want to.

[amillionyears]

My post was to FromEsme, but anyone can answer.