maninism/mens rights!!

[jiveturkey]

why are good loving fathers not given equal rights, why are we forced to spend thousands and go through lengthy court battles for the right to be a father to our own children all because the mother is so selfish and self centered that she can decide to do this with no regard for her childs happiness and future well-being just because she can out of spite and nastiness towards her ex partner. Many thousands of men have not been allowed to see or speak to their children for weeks or years and many simply cannot afford to continue their legal pursuit and are forced to give up for this exact reason. And yet these women have the audacity to call them themselves mothers, its laughable they are barely human beings.
Fathers are EQUALY important as mothers yet the law and some women's attitudes do not seem to reflect this. I know of a man who did everything he could to be part of his childs life, paid 36,000 in csa payments and was forced to have little contact with that child,then 10 years after she was born, rumours came out that that child wasnt his, a dna test confirmed this! Her motive? GREED, it is an all to common story, so many "mums" do not even consider how keeping their childs father out of their lives affects them in the the short and long term without even mentioning its moraly wrong. Any mum who takes there children away from there dad. doesn't deserve the bloody title! OUR children is the only way you can hurt us, which is why you use them as weapons and pawns in your sick twisted games, so how about you grow up realise life is too short, and that your children's happiness is actually MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN! you may have your children now when they are young but i promise you you'll lose them when they learn the truth they will NEVER forgive you for destroying their special relationship with their dad and ensuring they had a s**t childhood, and let that be on your conscience,not that you have one or a soul or a heart or brain.
So stop punishing your children let their dads have access to them as much as you do, that is called EQUALITY.
this rant is aimed at all the dead beat"mums", i realise and recognise that the majority of mums are amazing and do the right thing by their kids by letting their father play a prominent role in their lives, as it should be. And obviously not all dads are worthy of that title either but i'm not talking about them i have as much respect for them as i do for these women that my comments are directed at.
Il be here waiting for your comments i felt it necessary to voice these facts in the lion's den so to speak, we need to be heard, fathers NEED equal rights.

when have i ever said bitches i suggest you actually read my posts instead of just all the posts around my posts

While I applaud your desire to be part of your son's life, if you conduct yourself in real life the way you have on here, then I can't say I blame his mother for not letting you see him.

I'm all for fathers being in their children's lives, and if the father of my DS1 (who I had at 19) had ever shown any interest in being part of DS1's life, I wouldn't have done anything to stand in his way. Because although he was a bit of a jerk, who dumped me the moment he found out I was pregnant, he wasn't a monster.

However, if he ever turned up on my doorstep speaking in the way you appear to have done on here, he wouldn't get within ten feet of my son.

i apologise colitz i thought i said the month, it was a cold february evening and iwas dark when i went to look

If you think that all humans are equal why you demand that we respect you before you respect us?

What do you want us to say?

We can't read your posts they've been mostly deleted :D

Many of we feminists spend a lot of time try go improve the rights of men. I paid a huge amount out on divorce and would be happy with 50/50 contact time.

I believe men should be forced to have children 50% of the time after divorce (many choose to have no contact) whether they like it or not and the same imposed on mothers. I would like to see more equalisation of maternity and paternity leave and rights so that women do not get entrenched roles at home and men change a lot more nappies.

I would also like to see a rule that if a man is late for a contact visit or misses one, by 20 minutes twice he loses the next 2 visist and if a mother doesn't make children available on time the children go to the father for 2 weeks.

I would also like to see much much quicker court proceedings for contact, days, not weeks and months.

I also know how hurtful divorce is on both sides. The worst thing for most parents is not my situation (paying a man a fortune, beingl eft with debt and the 5 children 365 days a year and working full time to keep us all) it is being denied the chance to see your children on a reasonably fair basis.

people dont speak to me like s**t in real life, and i agree with your feelings toward yourex tess he doesn't deserveto be a father

we can't "read your posts", jt, they have mostly been deleted because you keep breaking talk guidelines

abigail read all posts before making comments like that

thankyou for yoyr views on this xenia its much appreciated

ugh xenia, most of what you wrote above involves using dc as pawns in a power game between ex-partners, which is surely what none of us want ?

"be late for a contact visit and dc automatically get sent to the other parents for 2 weeks" ? The kids would end up not knowing their arse from their elbow, what a bloody awful idea.

even this op would agree with that, I would imagine

What don you want people to say?

xenia is at least trying to think deterents to make then better parents her words are a hell of alot more constructive yours i mean who says ugh like that il tell you who american teenagers.

JT - it would have helped when you first posted if you had decided whether a) you just wanted to let of steam and rant (it happens) or b)you wanted advice and views?

If the former, as seems likeliest from your post, what happened next was pretty inevitable.

If the latter then an explanation of your situation in the original post with your side as you saw it would have been much more effective.

There is another thread on here asking if women automatically took the side of the female. If you read it you will see that most of us look at the individual and those who confess to favouring women as the default response are aware of it and try to guard against it.

I can only echo what others have said. Get good legal advice and put your case forward in a calm, measured way. Address honestly any shortcomings you may possibly have had in the relationship (I'm not even saying have had). In short, act responsibly in the interest of your child.

I don't agree. I think the time has come for more jailing of mothers who do not respect the court's decisions (and fathers for that matter). At the moment you can in effect put two fingers up to a court, bide your time, never make the child available, it bonds totally with you and by the time it's 13 it will not even want to see its father.

Many many children I know divide time between both parents partiuclaryl in the kind of high earning, mothers in professional careers, class level in which Ilive and children do very well. It isn ot ap roblem at all. Obviously low earnings no earnings mother as housewife sets up which are never good for children anyway and lead to sexism at home and usualyl mean someone is leeching off hard working tax payers like I am after divorce because they stupidlfy give up a career just because it suited them or their ex who wanted her home washing his shirts, are a slightly difficult situation.

If men want better contact after divorce they should never accept a housewife, pick high earning women and never set up a status quo whic his mummny ath ome economically inactive and they big provider. The courts tend to perpetuate the status quo. If we could ensure women pursued well paid careers a lot of these contact issues would disappear and divorce would be more affordable and cost the tax payer a lot less.

like ive already said i want people to share their views and experiences like some of you are. or do you need that explanation again

I,m not exactly sure what you want from us JT. It doesn't feel like you actually want a discussion or help, more that you want us to just agree with your opening rant, at which point we get a thank you off you!

If you want a discussion about this topic then maybe rephrasing your initial question/argument would have been more productive.

As far as the access goes, none of us can really help you with that as you have failed to provide any facts such as:

1. where are you currently up to legally, with regards to gaining access
2. what grounds is your Ex using to try and prevent you access.
3. Is there or have you used any mediation service to even try to gain supervised access?
4. Are you taking legal advice at all.

oh, I misunderestimated you, OP

like duhh

what reason(s) has your ex given for witholding contact?

xenia, you never fail to amaze with your rarified views of what should happen

mum gets a job as CEO of blue chip company

all problems solved

yeah

I have read all the posts (at least the ones that weren't deleted). I haven't spoken to you like shit, most of the people on here haven't, yet you have been rude and aggressive from virtually the first sentence.

Many women on this forum have had abusive partners saying exactly the same things about them as you are saying about your ex. Women, in general are not in the habit of leaving happy, loving supportive relationships with 1 month old babies because quite frankly they haven't got the energy and they want the father of their child to support them. So the fact that your ex left at that point rings loud alarm bells for many people. Coupled with your reluctance to tell your side of the story coherently and politely and your decidedly aggressive posts, it is no wonder people are jumping to the conclusions they are.

I only read the first post.

Jivet, what is your problem? Are you trying to get more contact with your children? If so give us some facts. We might be able to help.

This can bring out the worst in people as they get so upset over it. It is one of the most difficult issues. Even in the Bible we had King Solomon having to decide to whom a baby belonged. The mother saying it was hers who agreed to have it sliced ni half could not be the real one. The one who lovecd it who said okay in that case give it to the other is the one. We cannot slice our children into two but we can find equable ways which are in their interests to divide their time. I was reading that one of the Nat West 3 who was extradited to the US and is now back over here. His ex wife took one of the two children to Tunisia and he has never seen his daugher since. His long term relationship after that broke up even though that lovely lady cared for his now 16 year old son all the time he was ni a US jail, because of his obssession over seeing and finding his daughter. he has still not found her.

OP can you articulate in a few sentences what it is you want to say and what you want to gain from posting on MN?

It sounds as if you are struggling with contact arrangements. We have many MNers who do also - both non-resident parents who cannot gain fair access to their children and resident parents who cannot gain fair access to the other parent for their children. If you can post clearly about that, we can probably help.

It sounds as if you think the deck is stacked against fathers and in many ways I think this is true. It is far more acceptable for a woman to go part-time after the birth of a child than it is a man, for example. I believe we will not see a real shift in attitudes to part-time workers until men are seeing their careers disadvantaged by the current attitudes as women are. At the moment men don't have the opportunity to be properly discriminated against in this area :)

Should co-parenting arrangements be made easier, perhaps towards 50:50 care? Well, the jury is out on whether that is appropriate for children, with it being more likely to be so for older children than younger.

Do we think court proceedings are stressful, lengthy and difficult for everyone? Yes.

Ok I was willing to try and get you actually discussing in a grown up rationale manner until you posted this

"like ive already said i want people to share their views and experiences like some of you are. or do you need that explanation again"

Please re read that sentence again and realise how condescending that is.
The implication from that is that we are all idiots, who you need to painfully and slowly repeat everything too until we get your point is exactly the reason why posters are responding in what you perceive as a a negative way.

I,m out, you are just presenting yourself as a troll now.