maninism/mens rights!!

[jiveturkey]

why are good loving fathers not given equal rights, why are we forced to spend thousands and go through lengthy court battles for the right to be a father to our own children all because the mother is so selfish and self centered that she can decide to do this with no regard for her childs happiness and future well-being just because she can out of spite and nastiness towards her ex partner. Many thousands of men have not been allowed to see or speak to their children for weeks or years and many simply cannot afford to continue their legal pursuit and are forced to give up for this exact reason. And yet these women have the audacity to call them themselves mothers, its laughable they are barely human beings.
Fathers are EQUALY important as mothers yet the law and some women's attitudes do not seem to reflect this. I know of a man who did everything he could to be part of his childs life, paid 36,000 in csa payments and was forced to have little contact with that child,then 10 years after she was born, rumours came out that that child wasnt his, a dna test confirmed this! Her motive? GREED, it is an all to common story, so many "mums" do not even consider how keeping their childs father out of their lives affects them in the the short and long term without even mentioning its moraly wrong. Any mum who takes there children away from there dad. doesn't deserve the bloody title! OUR children is the only way you can hurt us, which is why you use them as weapons and pawns in your sick twisted games, so how about you grow up realise life is too short, and that your children's happiness is actually MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN! you may have your children now when they are young but i promise you you'll lose them when they learn the truth they will NEVER forgive you for destroying their special relationship with their dad and ensuring they had a s**t childhood, and let that be on your conscience,not that you have one or a soul or a heart or brain.
So stop punishing your children let their dads have access to them as much as you do, that is called EQUALITY.
this rant is aimed at all the dead beat"mums", i realise and recognise that the majority of mums are amazing and do the right thing by their kids by letting their father play a prominent role in their lives, as it should be. And obviously not all dads are worthy of that title either but i'm not talking about them i have as much respect for them as i do for these women that my comments are directed at.
Il be here waiting for your comments i felt it necessary to voice these facts in the lion's den so to speak, we need to be heard, fathers NEED equal rights.

autism means you struggle to emphasis with people and you find it hard to make and maintain relationships. she has always found it hard to make and keep friends due to her behaviour and attitude towards people. may i suggest a quick google search if you are unsure on part of the definition of something

I KNOW what autism is, I wondered what it had to do with anything you were posting about?

may I sggest you check the definition of 'emphasis'?

I think you mean "empathise". I think the poster was aware of what autism is, but unsure as to its relevance. Was your ex's autism a factor in the relationship breakdown?

@considercasey i do not know she hasnt contacted me since the day she left, she changed her number made her facebook top secret its a mystery, she did attack my mum during her pregnancy and ripped a chunk of her hair out which she kept to show police when they arrived, i know they didnt get on, that could be part of it. but iv always been there for her went to every scan was there at the birth and every day after.

Oh I see, that makes sense (your post not the actual process ).

My dad went down this route but in his case it was purely to delay the payment process and when proved evaded it anyway so I guess I may not be the best person to speak about it...

I'm really not sure what else you could do to be honest but just keep paying the CSA and support your ex if you are asked to in order to fulfil your role as a father as best you can and hopefully some point soon you will be able to be there physically for your DS :)

Good luck!

i know i meant empathise im using predictive text for speed purposes. and yes it was she became very possesive over our son and put his health in jeopardy on a few occasions through her own selfishness.
may i suggest you stop whining about spelling and punctuation im trying to reply to as many people as i can. so how about making sensible, constructive comments like adults instead of schoolkids, and im talking about fanjo not you casey

thanks peanut i will never stop fighting to be a big part of my sons life, and i would never tell him what his mother put me through or slag her off that is between me and her and it would be wrong i want him to love us both and not hold any negative feelings for either of us.
men who abandon their children sicken me just as much the the women who bar them from their childrens lives i have no respect for either!
thanks again for kind post peanut

OP, then you do indeed have my deepest sympathies. It sucks.

In the short term, I think the best thing for you to do is to keep paying until you go to court, as this will stand in your favour when you do. I cannot think of any reason the court will refuse you access as you have done nothing wrong in their eyes.

In the long term you might want to consider becoming a feminist and start campaigning for a structural change to gender roles in the workplace and at home. When enough husbands take on the role of caregiver the law will have to change to reflect that.

I hope that change comes before my son is grown as I know he'll make a great dad. I tell him that all the time because I don't want him to follow his father's example.

And don't be hard on Fanjo. Your own post to her did read as rather condescending, telling her to google something that she obviously knew. Your posts have been quite angry, but if you calm down you'll find a lot of sympathy for your plight.

Best of luck.

It's very easy these days for fathers to get access and rights through the courts as they will grant access in nearly every case, even where abuse has clearly occured so those fathers who cannot get access either haven't tried terribly hard or have not complied with court directives etc etc. So for every abandoned child, for every wronged woman short-changed and left to do all the work alone, I feel, I cannot deny, a tiny spark of satisfaction every time I see a post form an enraged father who has had his comeuppance.

Rosabud your post is vile.

It's not that easy, one of my best friends has been fighting to see their 2 children who have been estranged since the age of 1/2 and are now 12/13. The other parent upped and left with the children and has been making things incredibly difficult ever since by moving/blocking contact/poisoning children against the estranged parent.

Oh and fwiw the estranged parent in this case is a female who suffered from PND (not in anyway a danger to the children) after having 2 children very close together aged 17 with a 'reputable' older man who was abusive behind closed doors.

The thought of anyone being smug and satisfied about a child missing out on a parent disgusts me.

iam not calling on anyone to take responsibility, iam bringing this situation to your attention as human beings. as i said in my op this rant is aimed at all the dead beat"mums", i realise and recognise that the majority of mums are amazing and do the right thing by their kids by letting their father play a prominent role in their lives, as it should be. so bare that in mind mind when you accuse me of hypocrasy and generalising. iam not attacking any of you personally, as i know and understand that only a minority of women commit parental alienation, as i also mentioned in my op so please stop being defensive so we can all discuss this issue as human beings not women and man i.e me.
i didnt come here to have a pop at women i came to see what your opinions were on this issue
and currently iam unimpressed, apart from peanut and 1 or two others iv read no constructive comments just aload of defensive crap, im here because im interested in your opinion im trying my best so hows about you share your experiences and knowledge like im attempting to do cos at the moment i feel like im in a school playground!
thank you to those with useful things to say i appreciate it.

I agree my post is vile, but so was the OP's original one and it's late and I've been working late into the night on a Saturday evening in order to suport my 4 children abandoned by idiot ex who is jolly cross and angry every time the whole world doesn't immediately fall into place for him so, you know, patience kind of thin and all that.

Is it possible that the tone of your posts is not helping?

It does come across a bit as an attack and could be interpreted as quite hostile.

Perhaps if you approached it as a more reasoned debate then you would get more constructive replies?

From a personal perspective it is coming across to me as a bit of a wild rant, which is fine if that is what you need but then start with that. Just say your pissed off and need to vent, that I would get!

I'm not sure what to say. If people are being defensive it is because your OP was extremely accusatory. The school playground atmosphere was set by yourself. Maybe you should read it again.

Having said that I understand you are coming from a place of intense pain So yes, the law is being unfair to you. Like I said many times feminists welcome hands-on fathers. Unfortunately people don't tend to focus on that aspect of feminism.

i didn't mean it to be accusatory for that i apologise i have a lot a anger about missing so much of my sons first year, im not a public speaker im a young bloke writing this on his playstation and iv got questions coming at me from all angles iam trying to be polite to those who are polite to me, my thumbs are getting tired now. i didnt mean to come across as rude or obtuse and for that i apologise also i just really want to know what you guys think about this and whether father's should have equal rights, iv never done a post bfore so firgive roughness. and casey i think i will become a feminist we should all have equal rights in every aspect of life there should be NO exceptions

Thankyou for that rather vile observation, personally I feel working very late into a Saturday evening to keep life and soul together for 4 children is a fairly real life experience whereas ranting and raging on the internet about having to support your baby is a bit, well, pathetic really. Goodnight.

rosabud so why is that an excuse to put all fathers in the same useless arsehole category im tired im pissed of iv not seen my son in 8 months but i didnt generalise because its simply not true and hurtfull to us good mothers and fathers.
my post maybe vile but its 100% true. im sorry to hear your ex falls into the arsehole category, and your kids are very lucky to have such a supportive supermum, i hope he pays you maintenance and supports you as much as he can! and i apologise for saying you talk from your arsehole you clearly dont your just like me

jiveturkey. At the end of the day the decent people are on the same side. A child can never have too many loving adults in their life.

Personally yes I'd welcome a change in the law, a principle of 50:50 during the marriage and after. I think that provides the best continuity for the child. I think that if couples went into a relationship knowing that's how it's going to be, they would accept it and strive to maintain an egalitarian relationship. It would help women to continue their careers after a divorce and men to maintain a loving relationship with their kids. After the initial acrimony has settled down parents will have to get on with it.

In cases where one parent has done the lion's share of the childcare this should be recognised as that person will have given up their wage earning potential so some form of recompense is needed for that. A situation of resident parent with definite access rights for the non-resident parent. As the child gets older the situation can change and a more equitable arrangement made.

Of course all that would be vetoed in cases of domestic abuse as I don't think any child should have to witness violence as that's very damaging.

As for the cases of absent parents who neither want to pay or visit, that's a tough one because i think it's unwise to force a child upon a parent who has no interest in them, it could damage their self-esteem and I'm not sure how to make those absent parents pay. That is a dilemma and can lead to a lot of anger putting the resident parent into a frightening situation.

But to me that seems the fairest arrangement.

Now I must go to bed! Let us know how your court case goes.

thankyou casey thats exactly what i was after, we got there in the end lol. i completely agree with every single word you said!
true words of wisdom right there, now if only politicians would act on it!

solidgoldbrass i see i silenced your pathetic comments, no come back to that one eh? maybe you'll grow up now remember lifes to short.
il leave you all with this quote from a legal website
"According to the law, child abuse is ANY injury to a child's life or health. There is no doubt that parental alienation is child abuse, as it emotionally scars the child for life, and there is no doubt that those who participate in it or condone it are guilty of criminal child abuse. There are no advantages for a child to have its parents separated, or if separated, not to have free access to both, but children get older, and with time question the mothers behaviour."
once again thanks to casey and peanut for your intelligent, constructive comments, wish i could say the same about the others.

i would spend most of my wages every week on my son if i was allowed to be his dad but i haven't seen or heard if he's well or sick for 8 months not even a pic, yet iam forced to fund "terroism" of my son by funding their life

He is still your son.
He still costs money.
You are a father, babies cost money - do you expect the taxpayer to pay for your child?

You could have reregistered your child to include you. Or you could have gone with your ex to register the birth - why didn't you?

What is this 'terrorism'?

this IS NOT about men vs women THIS IS ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN

Then why post in feminism?

How can we possibly know what is right for your child? All you have said is that your ex left taking your son. You have not said why she left, if you had any idea she would leave, where she has gone, basically any facts.

You come accross as a spoilt 5 year old. You are equally responsible for your child. If you wanted parental responsibility there is a lot you could have done, such as not have a child to a woman you are not married to.

You may be the most fantastic father and partner, you way have beaten your partner and 1 month old - there is no way for us to tell.