Congratulating women on getting married

[Margerykemp]

Everyone I know seems to be getting married at the moment.

I tend not to be invited to the actual event (another thread) but the inevitable Facebook status changes and everyone else 'likes' that.

For others I'm more in touch with via text I feel I should acknowledge it but...

All of this sits uncomfortably with me. I am becoming increasingly anti-marriage. My heart sinks every time I see a woman change her name lose her identity.

And why does it seem compulsory to make the big white dress photo as your profile pic? Strangely the grooms don't...

I'm such an old cynic- I just think to myself that half of them will divorce eventually.

I don't tell anyone this but I feel like I'm lying about my beliefs when I approve this oppressive patriarchal institution.

I think they would just think I'm bitter ( I've been in a ltr longer than most brides)

How do other feminists handle their friends weddings?

There was a Mumsnet feminist who lived in a sensible low-heeled shoe,
She had so many husbands and civil partners she didn't know what to do,
So she hugged them and kissed them and saw they were fed,
Then spanked all their bottoms and took them to bed.

to who is that an ode, Tei ?

whom

of course i congratulate friends male/female getting married
im unmarried and hold the institution in no esteem personally
but if a significant happy event for friends of course i congratulate.i attend all the weddings and am a good guest and can cry on cue

No, scottishmummy - don't tell me you cry at weddings? You've totally shattered my image of you :(

TeiTetua

Why wouldn't you congratulate your friends on making themselves happy? I had loads of congratulations on my children- from people who I know wouldn't go near a kid with a barge poll. They were happy for me because they knew I was desperate to be a mother.

It is really weird if you only want to have friends who think like you. If they are happy you should be happy for them- full stop.

cry at wedding?aye
bar mitzvah,christening,births
im v emotional and can be relied upon to get the greetin going

Why do you assume that getting married automatically means I gave up my identity? I certainly didn't. By your statement you have assumed that I am a powerless woman, who has become helpless now she is married! What a load of cobblers.
I'm every bit as much me now as I was when I got married 11 years ago! In fact I'm a bit more me now as I have 11 more years of experience wisdom, as well as a lot of love and support from my partner. I haven't lost my identity I have improved it!
For the record, I said the traditional vows, with the exception of promising to obey, because I wasn't prepared to make a promise I knew I wouldn't keep. I do love, honour and respect my husband, but I dont obey him. Respect his opinions, and make choices which take them into consideration certainly, but I make my own choices, always have and always will! Surely that's what mutual respect and marriage should be about?

Marriage is what you make it. It annoys me when people say they dislike it because of the history of it. I'm only interested in the reality. It's a bit like saying you can't visit the Tower of London because you disagree with capital punishment.

but marriage confers a social status/assumption
it's seen as more stable relationship
and societal good wife expectations still abound

Disagree with all of you - I love being married. Maybe that is because I am in a relationship with someone who allows me to grow as a person and I feel I have become a much better person for it.

Is it really still a patriarchal institution? I thought the reason why a woman wore a pretty dress is because generally women do like to wear pretty dresses - not many people wear white nowadays either do they? If a women does not wear white, it is definitely not symbolic of virginity or any of that rubbish.

As for the group marriage idea - it is not marriage. If you have "group marriage" what does it mean. Marriage is meant to be about a commitment between two people who love each other and they are making that declaration to the world and saying (at least for the foreseeable future) that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

I have not noticed any good wife expectations scottish mummy, but maybe that is because no-one had any expectations of me.

Well what if three/four/twenty people love each other and want to stay together for the foreseeable?