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Original poster

Vile vile Ann Summers product

999 replies

Dillytante · 20/03/2012 22:51

Apologies if there has already been a thread on this.

Bj strap

I actually don't know what to say about this.

This thread is years old and inactive. If you've found this page in search of Ann Summers products that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best Ann Summers sex toys useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ 💐

OP posts:
AliceHurled · 21/03/2012 09:19

It's not about you Mary. You can reserve that right, and have a discussion that isn't about you.

I shave my legs sometimes and I can discuss why it is problematic. Both at the same time.

lesley33 · 21/03/2012 09:19

Mary - a genuine question. A number of people I have sp[oken to who are very into BDSM say it is basically an open secret in the BDSM community that enjoying these sexual practices are as a result of childhood abuse. Would you agree?

VictorGollancz · 21/03/2012 09:21

It's like magic, Alice!

Chopstheduck · 21/03/2012 09:26

I find that rather offensive, lesley.

Why would a woman would turn TO BDSM for pleasure as a result of abuse? Confused It almost implies they must have enjoyed the abuse!

I've def never heard of anything like that.

Kayzr · 21/03/2012 09:28

I find it quite offensive too. I really enjoy BDSM and have never been abused in my life and neither has DP.

Is it really so hard to understand that some people just enjoy it and it doesn't involve any form of abuse?

AliceHurled · 21/03/2012 09:28

Chops because they re-enact their abuse. It's not an unusual reaction. I did it for a long time. Not offended by people recognising the phenomenon at all. Pretty helpful for being able to do something about it.

lesley33 · 21/03/2012 09:29

I was surprised by this. But I have been told it twice by 2 separate people very into BDSM. So sorry for offending you, it was a genuine question and not implying anything.

AliceHurled · 21/03/2012 09:30

Kayzr people have said over and over on this thread it's not about what you enjoy or don't enjoy. It's a bigger discussion than that. There's a list from me pretty recently that explains that more.

AwkwardMary · 21/03/2012 09:32

lesley no...I wouldn't agree...and I should point out that I do not "belong" to any "community" and don't really know other people who like bondage...so am not qualified to comment apart from my own experiences of course. i was not abused and never have been.

lesley33 · 21/03/2012 09:34

By community I mean people who speak at workshops about BDSM, attend conferences about it, write about it.

lesley33 · 21/03/2012 09:34

And they used the phrase BDSM community.

AwkwardMary · 21/03/2012 09:34

*Alice" if it's' not about me...or anyone else on thread who enjoys BDSM then WHO is it about? Is it about you? Because you don't like the product?

I assume it's about women in general...in which case, it is valid for women to point out their own preferences.

AwkwardMary · 21/03/2012 09:35

Well I am not part of that community Lesley....I don't take "an interest" in it to that extent. It's just part of my sex life with a loving partner.

Birdsgottafly · 21/03/2012 09:36

It doesn't normalise abuse any more than being a SAHM normalises finacial abuse. Abuse is non consenting. Any behaviour that has consent is mutually agreed upon and both parties are happy with it.

We should be setting women up to be able to not accept abuse from any source, why is a sexual practice being concentrated on, only.

People should not be in abusive relationships, we cannot remove everything that may be used abusively.

AliceHurled · 21/03/2012 09:38

Mary did you miss the bit where I said it wasn't about you or me? And then talked about how it's about the wider societal impacts? Not to worry, it's been said over and over on this thread, far more eloquently than by me. If you genuinely want to know the answer, read a few of the posts on the thread.

SardineQueen · 21/03/2012 09:39

That thing is horrible. (personal opinion obv)

What bothers me is that Anne Summers is high street, it's where teens who are just starting out on their sex lives go for a nose around. I really think that young people should be given the time and space to discover for themselves what their sexualities are and what they enjoy and so on. It should be a long and very fun journey of discovery. I know that my tastes as an adult women are different to when I was 16. It bothers me that with all young people especially boys viewing so much hardcore porn, and items like this being on display in a shop which is seen as catering for mainstream sexual proclivities, that young people will go straight to the more niche activities before they even know whether it's what they like or not IYSWIM.

I would have tried this as a 16yo, if it was available on the high street and my boyfriend produced one. Because when you're young you try stuff. I just think that maybe these things are better if you go and find them once you know what you like, rather than being presented as a bog-standard part of an average sex life.

I don't know if that makes sense.

lesley33 · 21/03/2012 09:39

That just sounds like the USA argument of - It's people that kill people not guns.

This product is imo difficult to use without making a woman gag or worse. IMO very few women would enjoy gagging on a penis. I suspect 99% of the use of this product will be used in situations where the woman is not getting sexual enjoyment from its use.

But you think the 1% matter more.

Birdsgottafly · 21/03/2012 09:39

Lesly-i would say, as i carryout both perpetrator and the abused work, that accepting/carrying out real abuse (not submissive/dom) is after witnessing/being a victim during childhood.

This product isn't for carrying out forced BJ's it's for role play. I have never been forced to do anything in my life, but i have been submissive.

This is why we need education, most people get it wrong.

Birdsgottafly · 21/03/2012 09:41

2 separate people very into BDSM

That isn't valid research.

perceptionreality · 21/03/2012 09:41

How horrible :(

AwkwardMary · 21/03/2012 09:41

lesley Your opinion of men is badly skewed if you really think that 99 in 100 men would force their partner to choke with the product...against their will...that attitude puts me right of this forum.

lesley33 · 21/03/2012 09:41

sardine - I totally agree. Restrict this to specialist BDSM sites imo.

JustHecate · 21/03/2012 09:41

When you are giving oral sex to a man, the LAST thing you need is to be unable to pull away!

You can find yourself in a situation where your head is being pulled by him, you've got no control and you're choking. And he's just not noticing!

I suppose you'd have to hit him or bite down hard to get yourself loose Hmm

I just hope that the only people who use it are women who actually WANT to and not women who are coerced by a man who has a 'deep throat' fantasy going on.

Although I can't imagine who would want to risk choking to death on someone's cock Hmm

AliceHurled · 21/03/2012 09:42

No birds but we can challenge things that normalise that abuse. Had my ex fashioned random things in his garage, I would have though 'now hang on maybe i should question this'. However as he was able to provide high street items and show me pictures and videos of how 'normal' it was, strangely it wasn't on my radar.

Of course abuse is more than this. Of course girls need to know about abuse and consent. But do you really think we're there yet?

lesley33 · 21/03/2012 09:42

Birds - didn't say it was valid research or right. It was a genuine question.