Vile vile Ann Summers product

[Dillytante]

Apologies if there has already been a thread on this.

Bj strap

I actually don't know what to say about this.

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Absolutely I don't think it should solely be "down to the woman to place boundaries rather the men to respect boundaries". Women need to set the boundaries they feel comfortable with and want to see respected, men likewise, and both with an understanding that mutual respect for those respective boundaries is the first ground rule of a healthy consensual (not to mention legal) sex life.

I think the observation about AS flogging (ha!) the trappings of BDSM with none of the understanding is very interesting. I hadn't thought of that before.

OP - how did you happen upon this item?

I never spend my spare time surfing the AS website!

Probably exposing more of myself than would otherwise be intended here but...

BDSM is fun when it's practised safely and between consensual adults.

For me, the selling of such a product in a shop such as Ann Summers normalises 'specialist' interests, and it's not right. There's a big difference between consensual, informed BDSM-type activities as a fully grown adult and the forced intimation that such behaviour is normal in your teens. It's not. In your teens you should be getting to grips with fanny farts, hairy bits and odd smells, not wondering if your partner will like you hog tied with a ball-gag in place!

I'm all for BDSM in the context of consensual and trusting adults. In children and on the high street it's just wrong.

Blu ha ha !! was thinking the same regarding the torture porn film simile ... I guess it could have been anything to open up the case that men are abusers

Down to the woman to place boundaries rather than the man to respect them, Abigail? That's the same thinking that sees so many rape cases centre on consent, that's it's somehow up to the woman to adequately communicate no rather than the man to actively seek consent.

What if the woman doesn't realise precisely where her boundary lays until her head is held in one of these and she can't move away, speak properly or breathe easily?

I agree totally with those who say it's irresponsible to promote it as part of the "mainstream" sexual spectrum.

BDSM is nothing to be ashamed of, but it's not child's play either, and if you have to put a bit of effort into seeking this stuff out perhaps it's more likely that people who do will also come to find safety guidelines and

Of course, not selling it in a high street shop won't stop abuse from happening, but it helps to not condone it.

The picture of this item makes me feel physically sick.

Hester - a sligh aside to "What if the woman doesn't realise precisely where her boundary lays until her head is held in one of these and she can't move away, speak properly or breathe easily?" - I find a well timed punch in the bollocks works well, though that's assuming that she's not tied up and unable to.

So this lovely item isn't in the shops?

In that case I have relaxed somewhat.

They class is as a bondage item on the website.

Incidentally I noticed in the blurb that they say " And of course, you'll find plenty of other orgasmic ways to use it during sex..."

10 points for every suggestion

Those who have posted on this thread to say they are in to BDSM have all said that they enjoy it, when with a trusted partner, presumably within pre-arranged boundaries, protected by safe words.

The issue that I have with this, is that it brings BDSM into the sex lives of those who have not learned these things, and do not practice BDSM safely.

That there is a danger that a man could order this product, persuade his partner, and hurt or frighten her. Whether deliberately or, as Hecate suggested, by getting carried away.

I would never have dared to punch my abusive ex in the bollocks, even if he was hurting me and I had full use of my arms.

SardineQueen - still not seen the item in question so I don't have a great idea of what it looks like but I'm thinking that men who desperately want their woman to wear it could at least demonstrate it whilst we force a cucumber in their mouth and pour a few teaspoons of slightly off and salty mayonnaise down their throats?!

Do as you would be done by...

Hestor I think you misunderstood me. I completely agree with you. Sorry if that wasn't clear from my post. I was thinking that Blu was advocating teaching girls about boundaries and healthy relationships but not boys. But I reread her post and she has subsequently posted to say she didn't mean that. So I think we are all singing from the same hymn sheet.

The picture is foul, really foul- the sweat dripping down his chest and how he's pulling on it white-knuckled like horse reigns!

I do agree with that and I think that porn especially has popularised some practices that were fairly niche even 25 years ago.

Things like this, and anal sex. All very well if you are with a long-term trusted partner and you have found them by experimenting together and seeing what turns you both on and what isn't that nice after all etc.

But things like this are really not great in the repetoire of sexually inexperienced people who don't really know what they're doing.

This makes sex sound a bit like owning guns in the US or something but that is how I feel.

my post was in response to mmelindor

Is it just me or the thought of a man producing a lacy "thing" to be dominant is quite funny I think it is what a woman would buy !! [Love the oven glove simile btw]

BertieBotts - everything in context please. I said that in response to another poster and put like that is taken completely out of context and rather unfair.

And for the record, if "[a] woman doesn't realise precisely where her boundary lays until her head is held in one of these and she can't move away, speak properly or breathe easily" I would still advocate some kind of physical demonstration of the words "no" and "stop".

Oh, sorry, I just came straight to the last page and didn't see the previous post

You become experienced through starting with the basic vanilla stuff and seeing what you like and where your fantasies take you and building from there.

The idea that a 15 yo starting out on her sex life would be expected to "do" anal and facials and have this strap thing used on her is horrifying. But we know there is a problem with this type of thing from various surveys and a lot of it is due to the amount of porn being watched and the nature of that porn.

I don't think that any woman should agree to anal sex simply because her partner wants to.

What is the reciprocation to anal sex, what is the equivalent?