Vile vile Ann Summers product

[Dillytante]

Apologies if there has already been a thread on this.

Bj strap

I actually don't know what to say about this.

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This thread is years old and inactive. If you've found this page in search of Ann Summers products that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best Ann Summers sex toys useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ 💐

Yes. I think it is naive to think that women only do what they want to do in the bedroom

Or out of it, for that matter.

Or a prude as Dworking was accused of being on this thread.

I don't think it's acceptable, but then, even if it was for a female to use on a male partner I'd think it was disgusting.

I've no objection to giving head but I wouldn't do anything that made me really uncomfortable and I wouldn't want any equipment to be involved.

Can't see how that thing would have any effect anyhow, it looks like a black lace oven glove.

Ann summers makes me sick anyway. I fucking hate it. Anywhere that sells sex - or profits from sex - but mostly, that profits from the fact that a lot of women want, or should I say feel intense pressure, to please their man at any cost to their own comfort and/or dignity.

That's what's wrong with the whole fucking shop.

It was VictorG who was accused of being prim/prudish. Though I've also been accused of this and have been called a feminazi.

Feminazi: Because wanting to be treated like a human being is so like invading Poland.

I once put that into CiF and it was deleted.

Was there really a gap in the market for this product? As has been pointed out, it's not a new technique to many, and t-shirts or scarves have been used previously. Was it really necessary to make a product solely for this purpose? I would say no, it wasn't necessary. Why do men need to be in control of their bjs?

I always find it strange how so many people are perfectly willing to accept that women are oppressed out of the bedroom, but yet they seem to think that oppression never makes it through the bedroom door.

Doesn't make sense.

And, no that is not a judgement on anyone's sex lives, their partner or them as a person, feminist or otherwise. It is a political analysis.

Excellent point beachcomber!

Beachcomber you have missed out women who want to do it because they want to. This post has made me realise that some women are not libeerated to do what they want and why not ?? Maybe I have been bought up and live in a bubble but this has opened my eyes as I say but really do men frogmarch women into ann summers and make them buy it and use it ??!!

imnotmymum - We are often not talking about open abuse like frogmarching women into AS. Its much more subtle e.g. persuading women that everyone does it, this is normal practice, the woman is being a prude, etc. Its more manipulation.

And yes, some girls definitely do things that they don't want to. I did. I have had a hell of a lot of sexual partners in my life, but not so many loving partners. I kidded myself that I was empowered - I chose to have (safe at least) sex with many people and I enjoyed it. Only recently have I realised that actually, no, I didn't enjoy it. I did it because I was desperate for something else, but definitely not sex. I allowed and encouraged those men to view me as a disposable vessel for their sexual pleasure. I have huge issues surrounding sex now but I have a loving husband who is very patient. Unfortunately I've also had comments from friends accusing me of being selfish by not giving him enough sex. [hmmm]

When I was younger, I would have easily been coerced into using a product like this if I felt that it would have made my partner like me more.

The nature of coercion is not always obvious. It usually is insidious, enforced by media. Remember, femininity is learned behaviour.

Then this is not about the man abusing you as a sexual thing it is about the lack of self esteem that some women possess.

I agree with LaurieFairyCakes' post, it is about normalising a practise that is really a niche preference (for women) and ultimately bringing things to the point where women are considered prudish for not "indulging their man", bleurgh.

I say this as someone who enjoys being submissive, I like having my head held when giving oral sometimes. I am self aware enough to grasp that such a preference didn't appear in a vacuum though, there is a reason for it, and when things like this become accepted, normalised and even expected on a larger scale, it IS damaging and demeaning to women. I agree with others that BDSM is a niche market for a reason, and it has no place on the high street (I despise Ann Summers anyway and would have it purged from the high street if I could but that's another thread).

It's going to be nigh on impossible to stop this tide of pornification / consumerisation of sexuality.

I think that energy may well be best used in ensuring that young women feel informed and confident enough in their lives and their sex lives, to be very clear and assertive about thier own choices. In the face of so many youth projects closing I would like to see girls projects which give girls a platform to discuss these things, think thorugh decision making and communication strategies, and to be able to choose relationships which are healthy and mutual.

It's so important for us to be able to talk very frankly with our boys and our girls.

I remember my brother coming across some Playboy or Penthouse mags when he was a young teen and being terrified that he would be expected to 'perform' in some outlandish acrobatic context - my Mum had to explain the difference between porn sex depictions and the happy sex lives of ordinary people, who may or may not chosse to experiment.

Surely the fact that he has two hands puts him in complete control of his own pleasure? If I'm doing it wrong, feel free to have a go yourself, darling.

imnot: are you suggesting that I lack self esteem? LOL!

I agree with sunshine earlier. "empower" immediately suggests that those being empowered don't currently have any power. Not sure how a device like this can make you feel more powerful when it is designed for the opposite effect - to reduce your physical power. However bu suggesting it is empowering do women is admitting that women have less power in sex as a norm. Does that not disturb the "choice", "empower" sex posters on this thread?

You only have to look through the relationship threads to see that women do things in the bedroom that they don't want to. Those of you saying women need more confidence to say no and you ate teaching your children confidence. That is great and will help but confidence is a continuum and it is fluid. It can more easily be bashed out of you (both figuratively and literally) than it can be to instill. Lots of things can dent and erode your confidence to the point where you doubt your own judgement. Enough people telling you what is normal in bed will begin to erode your personal boundaries because how do you argue against what is "normal"?

imnotmymum I was answering this question posed by you;

but are there women who would engage in it if they did not want to ??? Am I that naive ???

You said not want to in your question. My answer was in response to that. Hence I didn't include women who do want to just because they want to.

Although 'just because I want to ' is problematic in a different way (see above posts about oppression not recognising the bedroom door as a boundary, plus post on BDSM fetishizing the patriarchal power dynamic).

Sorry for typos - on phone

Then this is not about the man abusing you as a sexual thing it is about the lack of self esteem that some women possess.

No it's not. At all.

Be careful i'mnotyourmum - I imagine it is not intentional on your part, but the above phrase is victim blaming.

No DWorkin was referring to ginger who said would do it to make someone like her more

But I did things too I didn't want to when I was younger, more open to suggestion and more compliant. Though I never shaved my armpits.

So MM why didn't Ann Summers portray a gay couple? So this item is only for those in a giving and trusting relationship? Is the giving and trusting reciprocal?

I think that energy may well be best used in ensuring that young women feel informed and confident enough in their lives and their sex lives, to be very clear and assertive about thier own choices. In the face of so many youth projects closing I would like to see girls projects which give girls a platform to discuss these things, think thorugh decision making and communication strategies, and to be able to choose relationships which are healthy and mutual.

In total agreement with you Blu.