Some men really hate women being single don't they?

[solidgoldbrass]

inspired by a couple of other threads including the separatism one. Have you ever noticed that if a man you don't like or know or fancy is trying to persuade you to date him or spend time with him or even just talk to him, the only really effective way to make him fuck off is to tell him that you are another man's property. Just saying No, leave me alone, no thanks, actually I am having a conversation with my female friend and am not interested in talking to you, never seems to work until you throw in My Boyfriend or My Husband.

No, normal sensible men I said. They understand that if they get involved with someone who plays games right from the start, they may well find themselves entangled in some sort of shit - so they walk on to the next available, uncomplicated prospect.

Game players only attract other game players.

Women like your silly friends can only behave the way they do, because they meet stupid men.

Have read this thread and I'm in agreement with the OP and subsequent comments. Felt I had to say something as I was discussing it with DH and his take:

"It's just good manners, isn't it? If someone says they don't want to talk to you, then don't carry on trying to!"

He did agree that he'd noticed some men (referred to by him as 'wankers') feel that two women or any woman on her own are something of a challenge to be chatted up. He has no idea why some men are this way - I mentioned 'The Rules' to him and he said 'what moron wrote that?'

Oddly enough, the reason we were discussing it was that we were at a party at the weekend where one girl got steamingly drunk and was following a bloke round all night trying to chat to/snog him... he was doing the polite evasive thing and then took to running away/hiding from her... we all felt really sorry for him (drunken female would not be told that she was being OTT and making him uncomfortable). Lots of people there found it quite funny that this tiny size 6 girl was harrassing this tall, well-built bloke, but we found it very uncomfortable to witness. (Oh God. Please don't let me have handed Wamster any ammunition...)

Re. the Bridesmaids thing, that is so true! I joined a drama group 4 years ago and already vaguely knew one of the existing members from another society. He's a good 20 years older than me, very 'out', camp gay guy, but because DH doesn't come to the social events with me (because he knows we'll all be banging on about showtalk), people thought we were a couple! I found this out because someone referred to him to my face as my husband and was really shocked when I pointed out that erm, no, we were not a couple (even though they KNEW he was gay!) I then found out that half the company thought we were an item....

"HerBeX, bullshit. Normal men who want uncomplicated sex have it with any woman who is reasonably attractive and willing"

Really? How come I don't know these men? The men I know who think like this are arseholes anyway. The men I class as normal, decent humans don't

You're not trying to take the discussion further. You still haven't answered my question about why men don't do this to women who are not on their own but with men who don't look like their partners.

They don't give a shit how uncomplicated/complicated a woman is- they are only after a one-night stand, all that matters is that she is willing and reasonably attractive.

"Perhaps part of the solution is that EVERYBODY -men and women- become honest with their dealings with one another?"

You know, I'd be really impressed with this.

If it hadn't been said right at the beginning of the thread.

But well done for catching up.

No, if they're after a one night stand, what matters is that they can be fairly sure that that's all they'll get - and with a game player, that's less likely.

So they drive on.

Unless they're very very stupid.

Why do you think men don't do this to women who are out with men who don't look like their partners Wamster?

swallowedafly, that is really deeply insulting of you and, if I were the sort of person who reported posts, I would report that. You have gone below the belt and you know it, I have NEVER said here that actual rape or assault of women is EVER acceptable.

You want to live in a politically correct world (don't we all) where people behave perfectly all the time, but, please, look around you and get out of your bubble, women's literature and magazines e.g. the nauseating book 'The Rules' tells women that they should play it cool and appear disinterested.
We get it all the time.

It's just words Wamster. It's not like she assualted you.

HerBeX, men being very stupid, now there's a novelty...

Sorry, Wamster, that's what I've been thinking about your attitude all along. a

How come everyone gets pestered so much?! I go to bars once a week usually just with 1 or 2 best GFs.
We usually have guys chat to us but sadly they tend to be far too old OR daft student lads & generally they're just being friendly & don't offer drinks. They don't 'try it on' either.
Most of the time i think that tone of voice & body language is key to showing you're happy to chat but not interested sexually.
So now we've got some male acquaintances at the good bars - barmen & regulars - which is nice.
I'm lucky because in my job i have to be assertive so if anyone did bother me i can deal with it straight away.

My sister complains that she & her GFs OTOH get pestered even when they're with men - although they are stunning & wear tiny dresses.

But, no offence, i wouldn't mind being pestered. Just a tiny bit.

So much of what you say wamster, could EASILY be twisted into rape apologetics.

"I asked her if she wanted sex. She said no. OBVIOUSLY she meant yes..."

Don'tCallMePeanut, yet again you are twisting my words.

I expect this, though, I didn't honestly think that I wouldn't hear all the cliches and buzzwords.

Very few people are prepared to actually think on this thread, really.

I'm not twisting your words. I am pointing out how they could be taken.

You;re the one not prepared to think if you cannot see my point.

HerBex, I would answer your question at 14.20 and it is probably me that cannot understand it and not your fault (no sarcasm meant), but there is too many negatives in the question, can you please rephrase it?

This is stupid. I've struggled through this thread, and Wamster has made reasonable points and has had them twisted into being a rape apologist! Or must be a man! And now the extremely offensive suggestion that she should consider a career in defending rapists. All because she said that if a man is persistent, and maybe takes a few minutes to leave after he is told the woman/women is not interested, to save a little face, but that he is not abusive or threatening, that is irritating but part of life when you go to a public place. If he won't go away after 5 minutes, tell the management or security, it'll work.

I KNOW that these men can be very irritating, but using some crap like 'Schroedinger's Rapist' etc to justify thinking he might be a rapist is nonsense. He might be a murderer or a psycho, but if all he's doing is approaching, chatting and taking a few minutes to have a dignified exit, it's annoying but not a potential rape situation.

I've been bothered by people trying it on. I'm polite, mention a bf, and they generally go away. Sometimes they insult you as they leave. Fucking annoying! But part of life when going to social areas where men will be approaching women, and vice-versa.

And I am telling you that my explanation as to why men behave they do could also be seen as the reason why they persistently chat women up.

This is not to excuse their behaviour nor is it to accept their behaviour, just to tell you why I think they do it.

You would not tell somebody who says, ' I think serial killers kill because of their childhood', was excusing serial killing, so why am I defending men by just offering an explanation for their behaviour?