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Original poster

Some men really hate women being single don't they?

1004 replies

solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2011 22:55

inspired by a couple of other threads including the separatism one. Have you ever noticed that if a man you don't like or know or fancy is trying to persuade you to date him or spend time with him or even just talk to him, the only really effective way to make him fuck off is to tell him that you are another man's property. Just saying No, leave me alone, no thanks, actually I am having a conversation with my female friend and am not interested in talking to you, never seems to work until you throw in My Boyfriend or My Husband.

OP posts:
queenofthemojavewasteland · 01/08/2011 08:34

Unfortunately for your friend Missingfriendsandsad, 99.999% of men women meet in a bar normally are about to launch into some cheesy/ sleazy/ offensive chat up line and so women try to shoot them down before they launch into their impressive selling points Hmm.
I would advise to your friend that if he wants to meet women for friendships, bars or clubs are not the best places. Most women will be on their guard and are too busy trying not to give off the wrong signals to be looking for friends. There was a really good link a while back to a blog titled 'Schrodinger's Rapist' which would explain to your friend why his perfectly innocent conversations are being rebuffed and might help his esteem when he is shot down.

WoTmania · 01/08/2011 09:11

Don't know whether this has been said but i used to find that sometimes if the conversation was going a bit to far and I brought up the fact that i had a BF or was engaged (once I was) some blokes took it as a challenge.
I remember one time I was out for my birthday and DH wasn't there becuase i was living in a diferent town and he had aork the next day. this bloke was coming on to me, wouldn't go away, and when I told him i was engaged he started quizzing me as to why DH wasn't there especially as it was my birthday etc.
Most men though, IME, are quite happy to just chat. But then back then most of my friends were male, maybe a young woman surrounded by a group of men isn't quite so appealing Grin

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/08/2011 09:19

I don't like to use the "my husband" line because it is dishonest.

I am married, but that's not the reason I'm not interested. Even if I were single, I still wouldn't want to talk to you.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/08/2011 09:23

WoTmania - oh yes, the challenge Hmm

Or even worse, the "you could do better than him" [vom]

You mean with the kind of scumbag who thinks I am so vain and disloyal I would take a comment like that from a complete stranger as a compliment?

WoTmania · 01/08/2011 09:49

I think it's the fcat that you don't need a man that they find both threatening and appealing really.

kickassangel · 01/08/2011 19:53

also had one guy ask me why i didn't have kids yet - was dh firing blanks?
seriously, that was supposed to entice me?

Reality · 01/08/2011 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 01/08/2011 20:20

I've found the opposite to what you describe SGB. Certain men will chat you up, you politely say 'oh, sorry, I am married', and that's when they show their true colours as sleazy wankers by saying 'ooh, that doesn't matter'. Erm, it does to me, you prick! Hmm

LRDTheFeministDragon · 01/08/2011 20:21

I find it disturbing that tehy often seem quite sane and pleasant up til then. But my 'wanker' radar isn't too great.

AnyFucker · 01/08/2011 20:32

< files reality's pithy comment away for future reference >

floyjoy · 01/08/2011 21:45

Having managed to dredge up some memories from years and years ago I remember automatically using the boyfriend line. Lying would make me feel a slightly bad but thinking about it now, SGB, I'd like to think it was displaced anger at the fact you had to do that to get the message across. Or something like that.

ajaybaines · 01/08/2011 21:48

My friend has been pursued for YEARS, literally since she was 18 and she's now 33 by the brother of a good uni friend.

My friend is a lesbian -she has even married and divorced a woman, and still this man won't accept that she won't one day want to shag him Confused

Original poster
solidgoldbrass · 01/08/2011 22:26

The one that used to drive me the most batshit was when I used to go drinking and clubbing with an admittedly very pretty friend. Sometimes on our nights out we would be sort of inclined to be on the pull, but a lot of the time we wanted to gossip and dance and spend time with each other - and the number of times men would come up and go 'So are you two with anyone?' FFS dickheads, we are having a conversation with each other. So we are not alone/stood up. I used to stare at them wierdly and go 'We're with the woolwich, mate, how about you?' and some of them would fucking persist even after that 'No, I mean, are you two ladies with anyone?' So I would say 'Well we are talking to each other at the moment.' And I would almost always still have to resort to 'Look, just take a hint and fuck off, will you?'

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 01/08/2011 22:29

I have a thing about hands SGB.Grin

jennyvstheworld · 01/08/2011 22:40

Some men are complete and utter bastards who will say anything and do anything to get laid. The problem is, of course, that tenacity very often pays off whilst it is certainly true is that standing around being nice will get you, precisely, nowhere.

When bastards stop being the ones to leave the club with the girl, then behaviour might change a bit.

Meanwhile, neither bastards nor nice guys probably consider for a second that women have to belong to a man. They are far more likely to realise that a single woman is more likely to give him her phone number than one in a relationship... or is that too much like common sense?

TillyIpswitch · 02/08/2011 08:47

I have to say, [thick emoticon] I don't get the link between the thread title and the OP.

I get what you're saying in the OP and agree that this is very frustrating, but how does this link to men hating women being single...? Confused

Wamster · 02/08/2011 09:55

I think it is a bit naive to want to go to a nightclub and expect not to be chatted up. That's what those places are for. Be honest, they are to meet other people for possible sexual encounters or if not that, simply for a bit of flirtation . I say this not as a prude- I've used such places for those very reasons myself- but because if I want a chat with a friend, we'll go to a cafe or a pub.
Anyway, it goes without saying that not every bloke that chats to a woman wants to bed her, some could just be friendly or making conversation, but I agree that the quickest way of getting rid of male attention is to say 'my boyfriend' or 'my husband'.
It's nothing to do ownership or nonsense like that; just that they think, 'she's already got a bloke. I'm wasting my time'. Which is pretty reasonable, don't you think?

Wamster · 02/08/2011 09:58

It's not that he is thinking, 'she belongs to another man, but, rather, 'Oh well, she has already picked a man so I'm superfluous to requirements'.
Well, that is what I as a female think when a man I like tells me he has a girlfriend.

organicgardener · 02/08/2011 10:56

This thread is remarkable in as much as it has more than 2 posts on it.

Man chats to Woman and gets put down.

Solution?

Men shouldn't chat Women up and they should KNOW that if the said Woman wants to speak to him SHE will make the first move.

Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?

Wamster · 02/08/2011 11:02

I could not agree more with you, organicgardener, I think it's just an excuse for a bit of vanity as in the op gets chatted up all the time and of how terrible it is to be so attractive (bless) and has been placed under the heading of feminism in the hope that the people here will all join in and slag men off.
The truth is that if a man posted this, everybody would now be calling him an arrogant so-and-so and saying things like 'how the hell are women supposed to respond when you say you have a girlfriend? Carry on chatting you up?'.

AbsDuCroissant · 02/08/2011 11:09

I have found this with many men, not all, but they seem to believe that if a woman talks to them, she automatically fancies them.

Many a time I have tried to explain to clueless male buddies that a woman will talk to a man for a myriad of reasons; rarely it will be because she fancies them. Lots of the time it will be - she's bored, you're next to her, she's feeling friendly (note - friendly is not the same as wanting to shag someone), she feels like chatting. I've had this problem with a couple of guys where I've spoken to them for one of the reasons above, and they get it into their pea sized brains that this means I fancy them. No. It. Doesn't.

Empusa · 02/08/2011 11:13

wamster and organicgardener I didn't read the OP as that.

I read it as there are too many men out there who will not take no for an answer, unless the OP says they are in a relationship. Just saying "no" isn't enough for some blokes.

Chatting someone up = fair enough
Refusing to stop when asked to = not good
Only stopping when told of a current partner = irritating

And there are men who think even that isn't a good enough reason to leave someone alone.

Thistledew · 02/08/2011 11:14

Some people seem to be missing the point. The point is not whether or not a man will back off if you say you have a boyfriend/husband, but that they will not back off unless you say you have. Just saying you are not interested in getting to know/ dancing with/ having him stick his tongue down your throat is not enough to get him to leave you alone.

Bandwithering · 02/08/2011 11:17

Long before I was ever aware that I was a feminist, I used to hate when my friends would make up a boyfriend to get rid of some guy. I was always the rude one who would come right out and say 'no, sorry, I'd prefer to stay where I am thank you/chat to my school friends/talk to my sister who I haven't seen for a year'. this is perceived to be very rude !!

Bandwithering · 02/08/2011 11:19

SGB made a very good point in her OP!!

The only legitimate reason a woman can provide to turn down a man is to have another man.

I get it anyway.

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