To all those who say on threads 'I am too scared to go into feminism' - this topic isn't scary!

[GetOrfMoiLand]

I think it's a shame when I see threads where the OP says 'I am too scared to put this in feminism' or something.

I am certainly not knowledgeable about feminist theory, but have never felt that my opinion on this thread wasn't wanted or I was vilified for stating what I believed.

I think this topic is pretty inclusive - yes some people are forthright with their opinions, but nobody's word is god, and I would hate to think that mumsnetters were put off contributing to threads in this topic because they mistakenly think the posters on here are viragos.

The reason why I ask is because I suffered from persistent sexual harassment at school (name calling and groping, often in lessons in from of the teacher, all at a good private school) and it's only now, years later that I recognise it for what it was. At the time I never told anyone although my school friends were obviously witness to it. My mother doesn't know.

There are so many every day examples of "minor" assaults and harassment as well as the one in four women subjected to rape or serious sexual assault. It is perfectly possible (or even highly likely) that your daughter has been subjected to all of this but hasn't told you. If she hasn't told you, it's not becuase you're a bad mother or she doesn't trust you, but because most women don't recognise these things for what they are (as I did at the time) or when they do, people just don't talk about it.

WHO ARE YOU?

who are you talking to reeling?

sparky

ha-dreya is coming on here tommorrow waving her arms about and shouting"sparkys words are not my words!
this gets madder by the hour dont it.

sparky

I can honestly say that in my 51 years of of life i have never been assaulted or abused.

I know i am lucky.

I know that in 23 years my DD has not suffered abuse or been assaulted.

She is lucky.

What can i say?

I know it happens to other women.

For that ,i am sorry.

Hang on , gotta roll a fag before i reply......

reeling, it's great you're in that position and I'm pleased for you. But, I'm sorry, it may be because it's late, but I don't understand what you're saying. You asked me why I'd said women have a raw deal with confidence and I gave a fair few general reasons why. Before I lose sight of that, can I just check: do you see where I'm coming from, despite not having had these experiences yourself?

I should say, I'm not suggesting all these things have happened to me, not at all. I'm lucky, and very lucky re. education. But, on average, any of us posting from the UK are luckier than the average woman alive today on that score.

That's great Reeling, I'm pretty lucky too. But they are a cause for concern for many many women. i wish they weren't - I suppose that's feminism for ya.

I think i don't have a problem with confidence because my Mum always told me that i was just as clever as my brother.

And he is massively more cleverer than i am.

And i am not stupid either.

That is great.

But would you agree society doesn't always make it easy for women to be confident?

I am not suggesting we go around feeling like victims or whining that life doesn't seem fair all the time, but so often I see women who take this stuff personally, as if it's their fault ... this is why I like this section so much, it reminds of what is happening!

Hey guys,

To whoever reported my post wishing Dittany growth and happiness, cheers! How very sad of you. As I said at the time, I meant that post sincerely, the fact you saw sinister intent and reported it, says much more about your poor sad head than mine.

So bye then, another poster you've successfully seen off.

hully, I didn't report it, but I don't see the problem if someone did? That's what we're meant to do if we think a post is offensive. You may not have intended to offend, but do you not feel the irony of having spent ages insisting Dittany should look to her posting style and modify it because she was upsetting people, and then insisting that you couldn't possibly be held to the same standard?

yep-agree with LRD.

lenin, I agree.

Ha! just been back and re-read the op. Feel for you Lenin.

"I was really hoping this would have ended but anyway I had one more thing to say on all this - we should never allow or tolerate or accept the things on here that we find unacceptable elsewhere on the board. It's not about self-appointed people moderating, the rules apply to everyone, absolutely everyone no matter what the provocation or politics. It's not about silencing voices, it's about the posting rules, and they apply to all."

Lenin - that is how I feel too. I have read most of this thread and as a newbie, I can say that parts of it made me wonder what was actually being discussed here, Dittany's departure, the abuse that some people post about others, who hates who, who's an MRA troll, trouble maker etc.....

My head is in a spin with it all.

I wanted to join in with these threads because I have been abused. I have been raped. I don't want to share with anyone, I just want to join in with some of the discussions about rape, abuse and anything else that may ring true with me.

I don't want to start a fight, call people names or be made to feel my opinion doesn't count because I'm new here.

I hope that I can join in and my voice be heard at times.

mouse, I'm so sorry you've been through this.

FWIW, with all its faults which I don't deny, I think this section can be a great, safe space to discuss the important stuff.

I think this section can be extremely supportive, and helpful, and kind. Threads like these are a horror, but not indicative of the section as a whole. I have noticed that threads about this section are often full of the 'meanness' and 'bullying' and other things that the section is being accused of, but the section itself is pretty lovely, actually.

People disagree, often quite robustly, but that's what people do when talking about politics and social justice.

When all this pointless arguing stops, it will be like it was again, mousey (MRA trolls notwithstanding...but we don't worry about them)

Hang in there. You and I can sneak back in when things are back on an even keel.