To all those who say on threads 'I am too scared to go into feminism' - this topic isn't scary!

[GetOrfMoiLand]

I think it's a shame when I see threads where the OP says 'I am too scared to put this in feminism' or something.

I am certainly not knowledgeable about feminist theory, but have never felt that my opinion on this thread wasn't wanted or I was vilified for stating what I believed.

I think this topic is pretty inclusive - yes some people are forthright with their opinions, but nobody's word is god, and I would hate to think that mumsnetters were put off contributing to threads in this topic because they mistakenly think the posters on here are viragos.

'yet I have been absolutely slated those very people for being unfeminist by being interested in academia.'

I remember those threads LRD, and one in particular. It was one of the things that persuaded me that I was more of an academic feminist than any other flavour. I thought you were rather fab on the argument without getting very nasty side.

Sybil yeah yeah, ok I am the devil with mysterious snide insults and you and Proles are quite right about everything.

Still wish everyone love. Bye.

I should say why this bothers me ... I'm not an academic but I am still studying and come up against the misogynist side of academia quite often. There are so, so few places where I really feel I can discuss what is happening in my day-to-day life without those misogynists or even ordinary non-feminists thinking I am a crazy woman.

no proles-its not just you-i thought that Dittany "becoming a better human being"-was a horrible comment.

Don't know what the problem is with mentioning other threads, tbh. Someone can say 'that's irrelevant',etc. If a poster is genuine (no matter her views) I don't see why that's a problem. I've never seen it done in reference to a sensitive post (say in Relationships). If someone is presenting quite different views on different threads at the same time, playing to different audiences, well...

There is no golden rule about how to address people on a forum in order to make sure that noone experiences negative feelings. We're talking emotions here, and people are different.

Side issue, sorry, sorry, sorry... but someone once told me (when I had a awful, terrible boss) that as an adult in an adult environment you have to give permission for someone to bully you. Someone can try and bully you, but that is not the same as being bullied. If you work a job, you're going to encounter people who will try and bully you but not everyone reacts in thesame way. If it's a throwback to childhood, then get advice about how to deal with the bully. I mean that nicely and in no way am excusing bullies or balmaing the person they target (and I have worked with three absolute masters of the art). Sorry again.

Not explaining myself properly again I think - in my head I know what I mean, sadly 'in my head' isn't the same place as most

I don't have a problem with the reading lists/academia - other than I can't personally understand it. The problem for me is more that if you haven't read certain things or don't want to, you are chastised. Or if you don't understand the 'clever' stuff, you are made to feel stupid

Now maybe (and quite possibly) I am very thinskinned due to my learning disabilities but I read the threads an awful lot and have seen the above

If someone told me I sometimes come across in a certain, sometimes unpleasant way - I would change my ways to try and accommodate a little more

I didn't know that there was anybody on the feminist section other than SGM who was an academic.

I didn't mention Dittany with regard to academics

I see what you mean MsC. I was just offended because of the history, which I've now explained.

I don't care to be told 'go off and read Daly or you can't comment' either - I think that's bollocks.

But the thing is, I am thin skinned about my learning disabilities too, and thin skinned about being an would-be academic in an often not very hospitable context, and posting on here where people are sometimes quick to think if you're mentioning academia you're showing off ... I do feel a bit crap about it.

MsC - supposed someone told you you came across badly, so you tried to change, but they still said it - what then?
I think there is an assumption on this thread that regular posters have all simply ignored people saying they're intimidated. I certainly haven't, I've tried to couch some things in a more friendly way bearing in mind that some people aren't used to being given suggestions for what to read and just going away and reading it. But how far should you go in changing your behaviour? If you did your best to change but it apparently didn't work, you could just stop talking at all and not say the stuff you want to say. You get to a point, though, where you think 'I will say this as nicely as I can but I'm damned if I'm going to stop saying it at all.' That's about where I am with book recommendations, I think.

Agree, time off to 'become a better human being' is not a pleasant comment at all. Disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

penthesileia is, Milly. She must be currently teaching the feminism course she posted about a while back.

MsC
But I don't think you should change your ways - I don't think it is anyone's place to say something like that to you about how you come across. This isn't conversation, a lot is missed through typing text but posters have distinctive voices and just because someone might not like how you say something, you shouldn't change how you communicate. It's content, not tone or style that's important, surely?

Plus it's so subjective in terms of what might offend.

I do stay away because I don't want to feel any stupider than I already do

Thanks, GC, nearly missed your comment.

MsC, don't feel stupid. There's no need. None of us is knowledgeable about everything, we're all stupid in some area.

passsivity seems to be an issue - saf 'made to feel' - yes.
MsC - don't 'accommodate' - that's passive, too. This is feminism, empowerment, you don't have to accommodate others that's not what this is about surely?

MsC, I think some people will change their style and some won't. It's a bit like asking people to change their personalities. If people tell you to be less timid and just get on with taking part, you may or may not want to try, but actually doing it would be quite difficult. I think for some people they are so angry about the topics discussed (and fairly so) it's hard for them to tone down their posts.

MsC - and noone should ever call themselves stupid - you shouldn't be negative about yourself.

Regarding religion-i feel religion is partriarchal-
however i have a religion[its one that a lot dont like or understand in rl]
and my stance on this is-fuck the partriarchy-i have my god in my heart and i go by my heart not mans word!
the bastards have even used my god for them own means!
i have a place of worship also-i go there on my own terms-im polite but i wont take no crap with this.
yep-ill fight the partriarchy all the way.