To all those who say on threads 'I am too scared to go into feminism' - this topic isn't scary!

[GetOrfMoiLand]

I think it's a shame when I see threads where the OP says 'I am too scared to put this in feminism' or something.

I am certainly not knowledgeable about feminist theory, but have never felt that my opinion on this thread wasn't wanted or I was vilified for stating what I believed.

I think this topic is pretty inclusive - yes some people are forthright with their opinions, but nobody's word is god, and I would hate to think that mumsnetters were put off contributing to threads in this topic because they mistakenly think the posters on here are viragos.

I liked it here. It was really interesting and heightened my awareness. But I've been traumatised by some posters here - literally. Now, the fact that I have certain vulnerabilities is no-one else's problem. I did, however, say I was having a severe emotional reaction to the argument (not its subject matter: the way I was being attacked).

I opened up as, at the time, I believed the people on the thread would have some compassion and shift the style of argument so I could participate without being triggered. Instead, my confession was turned against me. Amongst other things, I was accused of being manipulative.

That is a horrible, horrible thing to do to anyone.

I'm not "leaving" the board because I sometimes want to talk about feminist-related matters in a specifically feminist way. I now avoid the majority of threads here, though - even on topics close to my heart - because, following those events, I can't even read an argument like that without reacting. And there are frequent arguments like that.

I'm actually quite tough, and able to manage my reactions to vindictive behaviour. I was shocked at the strength of my feelings. Those who insist there's no malice here (trolls excepted) would do well to consider that if I, an old and seasoned debater, can be so injured by the dishonestly vicious manner of some "discussions" on this board, there must be hundreds who read it and run.

Oh dear, you've moved on to being all witty while I was typing Sorry for the downer.

Just my tuppence gn, but I have two main approaches.
I have many soft, vulnerable and squishy bits, but I don't expose them to strangers on the internet. It would be nice to be able to trust people, but sometimes the entertainment value, or the passion of other posters means compassion is lost or at least muted. I don't share things without watching out for teeth, and that's anywhere on the net.
Secondly, after a bit of lurking and a bit of foolery, I know that there are posters I am happy to engage with and others that I just don't start conversations with. Because I know where the latter will end and it's not a place I want to be.

GET IN- a mention on a feminist thread!

Err... for Style and Beauty skills. Let's gloss over that.

I don't care- cheers, LRD

I love feminism and I love S&B.

Now, anyone need some shoes? Or a perhaps a wedding outfit?

Interesting you say that goblin ... I'm rubbish at not talking about my sensitive things online, so I do. And actually, I have found this section absolutely brilliant at helping me work out how I feel about things. Some of my posts could be construed as anti-abortion (I'm not, just anti the way abortion often happens) and in RL I've been accused of being anti-feminist for these views ... but in this section I've only found good responses.

Tethersend has a impeccable feminist position on many important issues, is well known for her fine contributions to AIBU, sparkling witticism in Chat and, of course, her sterling work in defense of Breastfeeding/Formula feeding (delete as appropriate).

I think defensive is exactly the word.
If people are feeling defensive for whatever reason, they are unable to be simultaneously welcoming and patient.
They are pushed into being snappy, thin-skinned and reacting to unintended slights from other people who may not be intending to trigger quite such volatile responses. Caught in the shitstorm. (Can you tell I have teenagers?)
Then those posters go away and feel defensive and under attack in turn.
So what's the answer Lenin, other than not rising to the bait every time?

I think the best of MN is where people get support and hope from other posters, I found it in the sn section. I'm sure that others have found it here in the feminist section and others in S&B or the doghouse.
Please don't think I'm denying that at all.

Truth is, it's understandable that the posters tend to get a bit arsey, cos we're fed up of having to justify our beliefs to people who just come on to tell us that we're taking it all tooo seriously......

It's a bit like someone going on the Lone Parent section with the view that lone parents are a scourge to society or someone going on the Crafts section and saying that bobbin lace making is the most boring pastime in the world, then being like "ooooh am I not allowed my own opinion?" when everyone gets snippy with you.

Cos bobbin lace making rocks you know ....

Let's have a Not Rise To The Bait Week - where if we suspect anyposter of Trollism we just say like "yeah that's a very interesting point of view ...." and move on to the real debate.

It'll be like fasting or something, we'll feel like mini-buddhas by the end of it!

Yes Lenin, I do cunt all over the place. In fact, I even called MNHQ a bunch of cunts the other day.

And they still gave me a fridge freezer

I suggested a safety word to use when one of us gets drawn in to a troll thread. a sort of verbal 'tap out'- it was you smell IIRC.

I am baffled as to why this has not taken off. I am clearly a genius.

tethers doesn't plage, you take that back

Why thank you, Lenin, it's very nice of you to say so. I am very good at plagiary.

I like the 'you smell' idea very much and I don't care who thought of it.

I did.