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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

How has radical feminist critique of vaginal intercourse influenced you?

181 replies

femtastic · 16/04/2011 01:22

Has radical feminist critique of vaginal intercourse had any impact on you?

Have any of you been so swayed by it that you've given up penetrative sex as a consequence?

OP posts:
HerBEggs · 20/04/2011 18:53

Yes that's true Mal. Good sex isn't jsut about orgasms. I think we tend to focus on them because so many women simply never ahve them during sex.

bullet234 · 20/04/2011 18:53

"bullet234, if you meant that, I'm sorry to hear it. I hope you find ways to trust someone enough at some poin"

Thank you. Yes, I do mean that. And I am married to a man who I love and trust completely and who knows how I am with things. I have issues with personal space, intimacy etc which is as a result probably of my AS. Unless I've had port, for some reason.

SardineQueen · 20/04/2011 18:53

There are a lot of threads on relationships where people are putting up with the most appalling sex. It is a terrible shame and I think that things like MN where women can talk openly and give each other genuine practical advice, and compare what they are getting with what others are getting IYSWIM can only help.

Malificence · 20/04/2011 18:55

I didn't have to wait until 40 for an orgasm noodle!

I said a blended orgasm (vaginal/g-spot plus clitoral at the same time).

What about the 20% of women who are anorgasmic? - they do still enjoy sexual pleasure you know.

I enjoy sex far more than I enjoy orgasms, sex can last all day, orgasms are fairly fleeting, very nice but I prefer the build up.

Bonsoir · 20/04/2011 18:56

Good sex is like any other skill - it requires practice, and a skilled partner. Bit like tennis, really...

noodle69 · 20/04/2011 19:07

I know but I stil think that is a little old for g spot orgasm personally. I cant have sex without some kind of orgasm though it pisses me off!

Bonsoir · 20/04/2011 19:11

Oh my post wasn't directed at any other poster, just a musing, really. I think lots of people don't realise you have to make a conscious effort to let go and let your reptilian brain take over if you want good penetrative sex.

Cunnilingus is too intellectual for me...

Malificence · 20/04/2011 19:11

"I know but I still think that is a little old for g spot orgasm personally" Shock

70% of women don't have them at any age!
I feel very lucky to have them, I can tell you.

LeninGregg · 20/04/2011 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noodle69 · 20/04/2011 19:37

How do they know they cant have them? Some might be because they have never had the right things done to them/men not lasted long enough/too rough etc. I have even had friends tell me they cant even come clitorally but can with a rabbit. That means they can but they just dont with their men.

noodle69 · 20/04/2011 19:38

Also if you had them at 40 that means you had the ability to have them at 20. You probably thought you couldnt but you could all along but now you just know how to do different things.

SueSylvesterforPM · 20/04/2011 19:50

all this orgasm speak, I've never had one O_o

aliceliddell · 20/04/2011 20:14

On the 20% women anorgasmic stat: is that just through PIV (I'd heard 25%) or through any/all methods? The main sources I've heard it from are Shere Hite, Betty Dodson and other feminists from the 70s. The way everyone these days takes the piss out of the speculum parties I find depressing, because in today's society there's still ignorance and embarrassment about women's bodies and sexuality. It IS still all about men, the emphasis on sodding condoms as the be all and end all of safer sex is great propaganda. For women, we're more likely to get A. raging cystitis B. pregnant or C. bored than the holy grail of D. an orgasm through PIV alone by a ratio of 3 or 4:1. What about PIV + clitoral stimulation? That's never mentioned really apart from those Durex vibrating cock rings (unimpressed. How about you? Any luck?) Also - when women fake orgasm,are they protecting his ego or trying to present themselves as 'normal' because they come from 'proper' sex without making unreasonable, indeed, unnatural demands?

AliceWorld · 20/04/2011 20:19

What's a speculum party? I googled but I didn't click on any links as I don't think they were the feminist kind Shock

Sue - really?

Malificence · 20/04/2011 20:44

No Noodle, your body often changes dramatically as you age, nerve endings can become desensitised, other areas can change to compensate, not to mention the effect pregnancy and childbirth can have on the body.

It's really quite fascinating, women who have had complete vulvectomy with removal of their clitoris due to cancer can learn to orgasm in completely different ways.

My body doesn't respond in the same ways it did when I was 20, it would be fairly boring if we all stayed the same throughout our life, I definitely didn't have the ability to have g-spot orgasms at 20, otherwise they would have happened, yet they are easier to acheive than clitoral ones now at 46, oral does less for me now than it used to, although it's still very pleasurable.

I believe speculum parties were where women sat around examining their cervixes to get better aquainted with their sexuality?

Malificence · 20/04/2011 20:48

"What about PIV + clitoral stimulation? That's never mentioned really "

Any decent sex manual/better sex article will mention coital alignment (CAT) as a way to have both, plus woman on top is a great way of getting fabulous clitoral and vaginal stimulation.

SardineQueen · 20/04/2011 21:14

I'm with mal on the "process" and "changing as your body changes" thing.

I think that it is a good thing that sex is a journey of discovery which can continue throughout our lives, and what we really like changes. If we all did everything as soon as we were sexually active and all had exactly the same responses then a lot of the fun would be lost. Discovering with a new partner or a new toy or yourself that actually that is fantastic is a wonderful discovery.

And these things do change. Pre DC it took me quite a while to orgasm, post DC it's super-fast. Neither is better or worse, just different. In a way I miss a longer build up... But then again I know that I can have a "quickie" and orgasm through it whereas before I wouldn't.

I also don't like the idea of a "hierarchy" of activity, who is having orgasms how and better and longer and blah. It's all a bit cosmo. I think that if people are in sexual relationships where they are having fun, and are satisfied, and are comfortable talking to their partners and trying new things that they fancy, then all's good.

SardineQueen · 20/04/2011 21:18

Sue practice makes perfect in that department I believe

I have seen threads on here with women who didn't have their first orgasm until they were older despite lots of sex.

garlicbutter · 20/04/2011 21:37

Yeah, my g-spot sort of made itself known in my 40s Grin

Also, I agree with Bonsoir about the reptilian brain thing - not the way I'd have put it, but am currently reading lots of brain science so know she's using an accurate term (or maybe we should add the amygdala to our list of sexually responsive organs.) Sex really isn't something you 'learn' how to do ... Having said that, I learned that faking orgasm helps me come. See, if you never faked, you'd never find that out, would you?

For all you younger women - yes, the whole shebang changes quite a lot as life goes on! My sex bits are going through a very boring phase atm (mid-fifties) but - while some of you go "eeuw" at the thought of such an oldie having orgasms - am looking forward to an energetic revival in my sixties, once the menopause is finished Wink

aliceliddell · 20/04/2011 22:00

Aliceworld & Maleficence: Yes, they were parties where you had a speculum and a mirror, idea being to demystify gynaecology and give women knowledge of our bodies. I think Betty Dodson did a lot of them.

aliceliddell · 20/04/2011 22:04

Malificence: I was thinking more of sex ed for teenagers which is much more PIV oriented as far as I can see. You are right re. info for adults.

noodle69 · 21/04/2011 06:54

I started having sex at 14 and couldnt do gspot orgasms then or clitoral orgasms every time but by the time I was 20 I could. It wasnt cause my body had changed its cause I had a lot of practice by then and been with a lot of men and was also then was married to my husband.

I dont think faking orgasms is good personally cause I think then it will take you longer to learn how to do things personally. I learnt through sex ed about clit stim things like rabbit/bullet/fingers on clit with penetration at the same time when I was about 15/16. Its in all the magazines and I was becoming sexually active at the time everyone was getting their first rabbits, so I do think that has been good for women.

I dont think its eugh having orgasms when your old I at all garlicbutter.

Sue - Try loads of things at home when you have orgasmed yourself it will be way easier with a man. I started having them regularly at 12 so when I first started having sex I knew what I liked so asked for boys to play with my clit during. The first few times they didnt get it but soon you will be able to teach a man to do it right and then you will know how to do it everytime. Try new things, use any sex toys with men and dont be shy. Also I find it helps to fantasise during sex/oral as my orgasms are way harder and after a while you can do it when you want to and stop yourself to prolong it if you need to. Good luck and there is no such thing as wasted practice.

Unrulysun · 21/04/2011 07:00

I truly love this thread :)

I just have to say that I think the 'party' in 'speculum party' is wildly inappropriate. Don't ever invite me to a party where that's the main event. Grin

HerBEggs · 21/04/2011 08:30

I do think Noodle's statement should be quote of the week, viz:

"Rabbits have been good for women"

Grin
AliceWorld · 21/04/2011 08:35
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