How has radical feminist critique of vaginal intercourse influenced you?

[femtastic]

Has radical feminist critique of vaginal intercourse had any impact on you?

Have any of you been so swayed by it that you've given up penetrative sex as a consequence?

off

darn typos

Unruly - agree. Oh, vvv agree. not my idea of a good night out. it was a good idea when they had it. Suppose the idea was to make it less clinical?Prob prefer it more clinical, tbh.

I can see the idea behind them. I would hate to go to one, but that is what makes me think that they would be a good thing.

Actually it would be a good start if practice nurses gave the patient a look at herself while doing examinations ...

Herbx - Well I think rabbits have been good for women lol. Also I cant stand the attitude sometimes in newspapers or the media that say a man needs orgasms to feel sexually satisfied but a woman doesnt care she just likes the emotional connection of being close to her husband so is happy not to orgasm

I often read these in my mums paper and I think what a load of crap. That just reiterates to women they should be thankful to be with a man and shouldnt care about sexual pleasure cause women shouldnt care about those things, and thats why so many women put up with crappy sex of their men.

I still see it in the media in the present day but as a joke myMIL got me a 1974 wedding magazine from the charity shop when I got married and in it it said 'a woman needs to take in to consideration the pleasure sexual intercourse brings a man, its hard for a woman to understand because to her sexual intercourse is a longing for a husband, security and a baby' . That always stuck in my mind as a wtf moment!!

I just went and found the 1974 getting married book out my bedroom. Listen to this!!!!
'For most young men their sexual desire is obvious - an urgent need which can and does present itself morning, noon and night triggered by a pretty face por shapely figure, or just thoughts. For many young women, sexual desire is felt much less directly. Its often only a powerful rather vague longing-a longing idea of a husband, a sense of security, a home and a child'

Well to that noodle says fuck off !!

Lol, noodle! Fortunately, the early 70s also offered Cosmopolitan, Honey, Petticoat and Fab - aimed at younger women with less of an attachment to baby-festooned aprons I remember feeling so horny at 17 (1972), I used to sit at the front of the bus and get off on the bumps when we went over potholes! I scoured the magazines for reassurance that this was normal ... and found it. Phew!

If some idiot had told me for young women, sexual desire is only a powerful rather vague longing idea of a husband, a sense of security, a home and a child, I would have been very confused about the role of buses & potholes in my life

I am glad to hear there was more of a range garlic butter. This book is so funny though wish I could post it all on here! There is a picture of pyrex bowls all on top of each other and then a bride and groom on the top. It says what every girl should read before their wedding!

There is also a section about 'feed him well and keep him fit' Then there is an ad where the man is carrying the woman over the threshold to the kitchen where the cooked is and it says 'new bride...new world' Then it says once you are back from your sunny honeymoon he will be looking to see if you cooked like his mum did!!

There is an ad of a bride outside the church saying 'a dream come true' surrounded by loads of plastic bins

In the section about sex it says 'it may be hard for women to overcome the feeling that sexual relations are a bit rude and get over the feeling that they are the victims of their husbands passion'

It goes on to say 'wives make great mistressed if they can accept the fact that a man, by his nature wants to express his love by lovemaking and good wives shoe that their husbands pleasure gives them pleasure too'

Seriously!!! I was shocked when I first read this when I got married.

Also if you dont orgasm or enjoy sex apparently its because you are 'frigid' and should go to the doctors not that your new husband is probably a crap shag!!!

Oh, god, yes, the melamine epidemic! And Pyrex, the answer to every woman's prayers - well, that and a hostess trolley I'd almost forgotten about the curse of frigidity, it did a massive amount of damage. And boys used to tell all their mates you were frigid if you wouldn't shag them. We used to say "Not frigid, just choosy", but I bet a whole lot of girls got bullied into Doing It that way.

ROFL but also @ your 70s new wifely tips noodle!

Thank you for posting them we have come a long way really...

Something is troubling me though. I am married. Where are my plastic bins?

Your husband has let you down sardinequeen. I havent got loads of plastic bins either, probably means I am heading for divorce.

My husbands favourite bit in the book is about when they discuss arguments that could arise. It says your new husband could be resenting you as his life has changed and you may do things differently to his mother. It uses the example of the husband having to wind up the clock in the living room but quietly seething and thinking in his head 'mother always used to turn the clock'

If your husband cant even be bothered to wind up a clock you have real problems!

I realise this has absolutely nothing to do with a feminist critique of PIV sex, but the 'frigid' thing has just reminded me that, in the 1970s, "Refrigerator Mothers" were blamed for autism in their children

Or, maybe there is a connection? If 1970s feminists queried the acceptability of penetrative sex, perhaps it was a reaction to all this refrigerator bollocks. Women were basically pathologised, and blamed, for not automatically loving to be fucked and to have babies. Considering that many of them were suffering marital rape (whether through ignorance or arrogance) and being told they should enjoy it, it's hardly surprising they questioned it.

Many of my mother's friends routinely had full hysterectomies after their final child; they said it was a relief to be "rid of all that" and their husbands didn't "bother them" so much afterwards :(

Gawd, noodle! Mother should have bought a battery clock, obv

I agree garlicbutte.r I think many women wouldnt go off sex if they had sex that felt pleasureable to them. Be that through concentrating on clitoral stimulation or trying new ways for them to orgasm. Orgasms might not be everything, but I think most women (or people in general) would rather be having them than not. (who wouldnt )

I think the book is saying women should do it and look like they are enjoying it just to make their husbands happy regardless of whether they actually are enjoying it or not. That kind of information is probably behind the reason a lot of women choose to fake as they just want to please their man. A lot of men love a woman to talk to them honestly and tell them what they like, or say I like it when you do that to guide them away from stuff you dont like. Thats how everyone learns. I do orgasm mostly from clitoral stimulation but I have seen threads on here and on other sites saying some men dont like it if you masturbate during penetration or use toys. I think that is silly really.

Sex isnt something you 'do' to a woman but its about discussing what you like/dont like, and working together to make sex an enjoyable experience. I think things have greatly improved in the modern age but I still think many women (especially younger ones) are too shy to speak up about their wants/desires and always let the man lead.

I also think there is still a bit of an idea in the modern day if a woman has casual sex she must have some kind of issues but if a man does it then hes just horny .

Sue - really?

yea really

lol noodle 12? I didnt even want to look at my own hooha till I was 16

I don't know whether to laugh or cry remembering that there's a generation of wmen out there who think of sex as "being bothered" by your husband

LOL "being bothered" WTF, HerBEggs!

THanks for posting those tips, noodle.

SardineQueen, I too found that pregnancy and post-childbirth changed my body for the better. Funny how mothers are sort of seen as assexual, when the reality is the opposite. It must be that women's sexuality is seen through the prism of the male gaze, so men find mothers less attractive than teenage virgins and therefore believe mothers are less sexual.

garlicbutter - I'm not sure that men are solely to blame for the "frigidity" of previous generations of women. My MOL died recently and POL has been extraordinarily candid about their sex life (don't ask whether we wanted to know...). His description, and our knowledge of her, and DP's knowledge of his grandmother, makes it quite clear that MOL's many body hang-ups were passed down from her own mother... to whom they had been passed down by her mother...

MOL had to have a GA to give birth to her DCs, so great were her body hang ups. And she used to turn the TV off when there was any type of kiss or mention of sex in the 1960s/70s (so much milder TV than today).

"For women penetration is not the main event...so why would sex need to be framed around before or during penetration" -

Do you mean for some women Sakura?

No I meant for all women, Mal. IF you had the choice between a man just coming up to you and sticking his dick in you, or a long, beautiful drawn out skin to skin session with someone, all women would choose the latter.
Some women prefer the latter PLUS intercourse.
But sex is framed around the former. Sticking the dick in is seen as the MAIN event and the word "foreplay" shows us this.

Oh sakura you are quite wrong there!

Bonsoir, you don't think "frigidity" was a term made up by men when women said no to sex because they were worried about pregnancy

If women couldn'T get pregnant then NONE of them would be frigid or "repressed" would they

Which tells us the word frigid is a load of bollocks, and has nothing to do with women's sexuality and everything to do with them not wanting to get pregnant (and suffering the possible complications relating to pregnancy: abortion, pain or even death) If the possible outcome for men was DEATH, then I'm sure quite a few of them would be "frigid" too.

"Oh sakura you are quite wrong there!"

Okay, yes fair enough, not always.