Please please talk to mw

[Terrifiedshakes]

Went for routine smear at drs this morning. It was horrible. Nurse said she saw a lump so brought in a gp to look. I very nearly passed out on the bed and went into a cold sweat, hyperventilating. Gp came in who said yes there is a lump. Obviously got referred. The nurse and GP was lovely. GP said she didn't know what it was but she's not a specialist and it could be so many things. Nurse was kind and apologising for the shock I was in

Background

I'm 33
Clear smear 3 years ago with no HVP present
No irregular bleeding

Fit and healthy female I can run 10ks with no issues.

Only issues I have is after sex and when I'm on period it can feel like my cervix wants to fall out. GP looked at cervix for this 12 months ago and said she couldn't see anything

I'm so worried. I've been goigling for three hours straight. Texting relatives. I've been sick and I keep violently shaking

I've two chikdren who I need to keep my head up for and my husband is being so kind and helpful and has come home from work but I can't stop shaking

I know no-one knows if I've got cancer but I've got 2 weeks to wait like this.

If you feel the urge to Google, come back here and read all the reassurance we've all given you instead and try and think logically

Been reading this thread a lot. I've a mixture between calm and panic moments.

Panicking now but going into work soon and that will keep me busy

OP you can’t do anymore. Worrying won’t change anything but make you stressed. Try to distract yourself.Easier said than done but try.

I know but I don't k own what it is that they saw.

Was it a lump or was it like white spots on my cervix that could be cancer. Im sure she said lunp butbwhat if she actually neant white spots. I have forgotten what they saw from the panic. Now I'm really panicking again

You don't know what they saw but you do know that the GP said it probably wasn't cancer so she clearly wasn't concerned that it is.

Phrases that were said to me;

Nurse: I'm getting the Dr to have a look becuase i think I can see I lump but I'm not too sure

Nurse: I've referred people before and felt silly

Nurse: I'm sorry about all this

Doctor: I'm not worried but I just don't know so want to be sure

Doctor: Please don't let this experience put you off future smears

Doctor: Remember , this is to eliminate cancer.

So Dr doesn't think it's cancer but is referring you for peace of mind. Seriously stop now.

There are so many people who aren't as fortunate and they have to muster the strength to lead a normal life with a cancer diagnosis. Please try and get on with normality for the sake of your husband and children at least.

If it helps, my doctor found a brown patch just inside me when checking for a prolapse. She said “I’m going to refer you to a gynaecologist and ask them to do a biopsy” I could have passed out. I said to her it’s not cancer is it? She said “nothing I’ve seen suggests that” but referred me anyway. After 8 long months off I went. He took a look and said all normal, nothing to biopsy.

I asked the receptionist at drs to read out what the gp had written on my notes:

Borderline concerning changes

Ectropian vs displastic changes

Wtf does this mean

PLEASE CAN SOMEONE TALK TO ME

• Upon looking at cervix it looked uneven with ectopy & small area to the top of the cervix which didn't look normal.

This is what the nurse has written on my notes.

The GPS notes say that 'Borderline concerning'

Nurse has written

' Patient adviced could be hormonal'

Op I say this as gently as I can - I don't think that this thread is helping you.

Please someone speak to me. I'm all alone. I habnt gone into work

I'm lied on a rug cold and shivering and shaking

• asked to review cervix for second opinion - appearance borderline concerning - ? ectropion vs dysplastic changes - referred due to uncertainty. standard 2ww counselling and reassurance offered to patient

THIS IS FROM THE DOCTORS NOTES

Plllease help.me

OP, they are saying they don't know if it's ectropian or not, so they need a second opinion.

Why don't you ring the GP and ask to talk it through today?

I've got ectropian, loads of women have. It's no bid deal.

Ring the GP.

Also, if it is pre cancerous cells they will be dealt with!

Ring the GP now.

No point phoning drs. There is a message saying all appointments are gone.

I've just had a phonecall from the booking department. My coloposopy is Thursday at 10am. Thank god for that.

I can't cope like this. I feel like I'm wriggled woth badness. My cervix doesn't look normal wtf wtf wtf.

Once you have gotten through this spot I would really suggest revisiting treatment for your OCD and Health Anxiety. Things happen and need to get checked out via a second opinion. That is normal. What is NOT normal is the complete emotional tailspin this has sent you into. You said the ONLY thing that helps is a “clean bill of health” and “running”. Okay yes, I agree these are both healthy things but if that is all that is keeping your head above water, you are going to have a hell of a time navigating older age when running may not be an option and health issues can be a part of life.
The fact that you are hyperventilating in a ball on the floor and googling yourself into a worst case situation before yelling into the Mumsnet void “PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME” is in fact the stand out unhealthy thing about these posts.

I know. :(

Well I know if I called my GP and said that I was in the kind of state you are, they would fit me in at the end of a clinic.

OP, in the meantime, you are going to have to get a grip until Thursday.

I know you do. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to appear too harsh, I know you’re going through it and trying to wrangle your mind when it’s in that state is so so difficult. I know this because I can do it too. I think what helped me the most with the treatment for my OCD and anxiety was not forgetting the necessity of treatment once I was out of the rough patch. It is so easy, once you have come out the other side of the episode, to push it off further because you’re ‘fine’ now. Then it inevitably happens again and the cycle continues. You mentioned trying to get help and nothing worked. Please don’t give up. There is something to help everyone you just have to find it! I hope you are doing okay 🌷

OP, i am exactly the same as you. Health anxiety, OCD. Honestly. But.... think of this. This is what i would be thinking:
You said someone looked at your cervix a year ago and it was normal looking.
Ectropions are common.
If it is something untoward, it hasn't been there long, and has been picked up now, and being dealt with quickly.
You have no other symptoms.
Breathe.
Stay off Google.
Stop poking your cervix - this will make it inflamed and sore, then you'll get more symptoms and start spiraling again.

OP I’ve posted a few times on the thread but I am not going to offer any more reassurance as it is not helping you.

Coming onto the thread pleading with us in capital letters is not going to help you. Most of us posting are not gynaecologists, GPs or nurses. And even those who are cannot help you because they have not looked at your cervix or performed the necessary tests.

We can’t give you any answers about what is happening in your body, so you are probably increasing your anxiety by constantly asking.

What we can do (especially those of us who have or have had health anxiety) is talk to you about anxiety and suggest strategies you can use to help manage it.

Will you engage with those suggestions?

If so, here are mine:

-Keep busy
-Meditate
-Exercise
-Reach out to a friend going through a hard time (helping others can help take focus off our own problems)
-Find a new recipe and try it out
-Put some music on and dance
-Meet up with a friend and go for tea and cake
-Watch a boxset

I look forward to finding out what you decide to do with your day and hope you won’t waste it by posting on here!

I've calmed now and I'm embarrassed slightly. Even if it is cancer I'm acting undignified. But the fear grips me and I feel so panicked and manic at the time...you can imagine what I was like at the drs when she told me she's seen a lump...and after reading my medical notes..there is no mention of a lump, but etropian and the fact my cervix doesn't look normal. This makes me feel even worse and more confussed.

At least my appointment is Thursday. NHS actually beat private to it. Private couldn't see me for ten days!

I've just had a go at lovely DH about its OK for him etc he's hit going to leave our kids behind. I feel so awful as he's being so fantastic. He's booked Thursday off work to come with me.

I've got to get my head sorted as I can't go on like this when I'm older. I've been in this position so many times. Many different accounts on mumsnet over the years. All created in a health anxiety panic, crying for support with something heath related. Then I get good news and I don't use the account much apart from to do the odd good deed and offer support to someone with health anxiety but then i forget my log in details and i move on. Only to reappear in a few months, a year etc with something new.

I must admit I think this is up there with the top 3 times I've been terrified.

Also, my new course begins this evening for something I've been waiting for for such a long time. Its paid for and I'll be good at it.

I've got to put a brave face on, meet these new people on my course and crack on with it. If I don't go tonight then I've cocked it all up. It will be done for 9pm.

I think my meltdown this morning was because its the first time I've been away from my children since I got referred on Friday. We had to go straight on holiday after it and I had to keep it together. So this morning, they were back in school and physically and mentally I went under.