Please please talk to mw

[Terrifiedshakes]

Went for routine smear at drs this morning. It was horrible. Nurse said she saw a lump so brought in a gp to look. I very nearly passed out on the bed and went into a cold sweat, hyperventilating. Gp came in who said yes there is a lump. Obviously got referred. The nurse and GP was lovely. GP said she didn't know what it was but she's not a specialist and it could be so many things. Nurse was kind and apologising for the shock I was in

Background

I'm 33
Clear smear 3 years ago with no HVP present
No irregular bleeding

Fit and healthy female I can run 10ks with no issues.

Only issues I have is after sex and when I'm on period it can feel like my cervix wants to fall out. GP looked at cervix for this 12 months ago and said she couldn't see anything

I'm so worried. I've been goigling for three hours straight. Texting relatives. I've been sick and I keep violently shaking

I've two chikdren who I need to keep my head up for and my husband is being so kind and helpful and has come home from work but I can't stop shaking

I know no-one knows if I've got cancer but I've got 2 weeks to wait like this.

In the kindest way even if this turns out to be the diagnosis you are dreading then you will find a way to deal with it.
With health anxiety this extreme it's unlikely that any amount of reassurance here is going to put your mind at rest, you're going to have to find a way to get through the next few weeks which are undoubtedly the hardest; it's the unknown that's so scary.
To stop that constant voice of 'what if' in your head my advice would be;
Stay off google completely
Allow yourself a window of time everyday to worry (say 15 minutes) and then try and distract yourseld by keeping busy and doing other things.
See about getting some CBT to help you manage the catastrophic thinking, it really works.
Keep up the running.
Think how many people everyday have a smear and are referred on for further investigations- there will literally be hundreds across the UK. That's why the clinics are always so busy.. the majority of people referred will not have cancer.

I also have health anxiety and my reaction would be the same.
But! Noone on here can tell you what it is, many people have said they've also had lumps and bumps and referred for other reasons and not one person has said theirs was cancer, take this as reassurance that there are other things it can be.
You say that you've read people who had clear smears and went on to develop cancer before the next smear but you don't know if they also had the same partner though and a smear would surely show abnormal cells first. Easier said than done but try put it to the back of your mind for now and wait for the appointment. Hope all goes well

Country girl, I did think this re the sexual partners. I have read that HPV can lie dormant for years, decades and it could in my case be there from when I was 15, however these other women could have a different story. I've certainly only slept with my DH since I was 15 and him me vise versa!

Never slept with anyone else before that, either of us. Although DH did have sexual encounters but never full sex with anyone else when he was 15.

Yeah it doesn't sound likely if he didn't have full sex with anyone else.
Also the nurse said it doesn't look like anything to worry about, she will see lots of cases like this but with anything they can't be certain they have to refer you. Take comfort that she said she doesn't think it's anything to worry about

OP a doctor having to deal with a cancer patient will be something she is very familiar with. I'm sure her reaction was just woman to woman sympathy. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and will be glad when it's over for you x

Agree with @Countrygirlxo the most likely explanation is that these women subsequent to their normal smear/-ve HPV status then had unprotected sex with one or more men who was an HPV carrier or became a carrier thro infidelity

Not your situation at all

My good friend who actually did have cx cancer had a bloody foul-smelling discharge which she did nothing about for months - and had had an abnormal smear 6-7 years previously which she had ignored. She'd had to work pretty hard at getting so ill

And you can add me to the list of PP who had a similar experience due to a polyp

Stop googling. It's really really unhelpful

I've been okish today, got on with it Bert Bert can. But now I'm really panicked

I'm not sure what they saw yesterday. I didn't ask fully if it was a lump or a lesion. If it's a lesion then that could be cancer. Omfg the nurse and Dr looked so sad. They never mentioned it could be cysts, polyps etc. I. Ive been sat at swimming in a cubical with my head between my legs as I've been panicking

I'm sat in a swimming cubical full on panick. Please someone talk me the fuck down

I don't think I can do this.

Why did the nurse get the gp to have a look. Why doesn't the nurse have the experience to know or try to liable what she saw.

Why doesn't the doctor have an idea.

Because what they saw must have been unusual.

adenoma malignum

I think I need to go on some kind of sedatives I'm really panicking

I havnt got anyone to talk to. Husband is swimming with kids and I'm sat here on a state in a swimming baths changing room cubical. I'm really spiraling

You need to try and calm down, easier said than done.
Nurses and GP's can't possibly know everything, that's why the GP referred you, to the service that does know. Would you really rather she'd have said it's nothing and it be cancer then it be too late to do anything about it? No, of course not. You need to be referred and they will give you the answers. Unfortunately though you do have to wait.
You need to talk to someone in real life about this, a friend, relative?

This.

The nurse got the GP to look because a GP has even more training than a nurse. Same happened with me when I had my POLYP.

Zonder. I think I've felt it! I had to. I felt something very high up...like a vvvv spongy round lump. I have never been up my cervix in my life. But I think i felt it

Think it felt like a softer, more rounded baked bean

OP I think perhaps you need to call out of hours to see if you can take something to help you while you wait. I have had the sheer panic twice over breast lumps. Both were fine at referral but I felt like you , felt like a huge black shadow was following me. It’s horrible and nobody can reassure you. I wish you all the best to get through this wait .

Soft and squidgy is good.

If what I felt is correct, (I can't find it again, plus I don't like doing it) it felt not fully squdgy, like it was solid but if you squashed it between fingers very hard it could possibly just about change shape

No. I've had another look and I can't find it. Omfg I'm going mental. I'm not doing it again

Just leave it alone. Stop obsessing on it. Whatever result you get in a couple of weeks can't be changed right now. All you can change is what you do with your time right now. You can obsess over it, Google, feel, whatever and wind yourself up. Or you can take deep breaths, focus on doing something with your children and whatever else you have today.

It was smooth I think.

Yes i need to get a grip. This isn't me. I'm a otherwise good-humoured person with a good job, family, hobbies. Not in toilets feeling up my cervix. WTF

So step out of the toilet and go join your family.

There are some things that are clearly cancerous. When I had my colposcopy, the nurse said straight away 'I'm very sorry, but it does look very much like cancer. Obviously we can't see for certain without a biopsy, but I would be surprised and relieved if it came back as anything else.'

(She was correct - stage 3C1, through treatment and no evidence of disease now).

There are also many, many things that don't look necessarily like cancer, but because of the consequences of being left untreated, they need to quickly rule it out.

I think you're placing too much emphasis on the look on the GP and nurse's faces; they may have been concerned as you were so anxious, but a GP and nurse who probably make referrals under the two week wait week in and week out are unlikely to have seen something so horrific that it nearly moved them to tears. 90%-95% of referrals under the two week wait come back as no cancer. It really is just a quick testing to rule it out and most people will have to go through it several times over the course of life.

You sound absolutely beside yourself and I wish I could absolutely tell you no, of course it's not cancer - but the odds are very much in your favour. There are many many causes for lumps and lesions on the cervix (or any part of the body) that aren't cancer related.

I know the spiralling and would really recommend you stay offline - I found myself getting hugely over obsessive about health issues, following threads of people who had cancer (even totally unrelated cancers to my own)...it doesn't lead to a good place.

Wishing you all the very best op xx

Op: I’ve been in the two week pathway and I get it’s scary (fwiw, mine was absolutely nothing to worry about) - it helped me to remember that the two week wait/urgency in getting people seen is entirely due to a political promise, rather than any sort of judgement the doctor is making. It’s just them following procedure, not actually anything to do with your personal case or presentation. Any possible risk even if small = 2 week r pathway.

At this stage I think the best thing you can do is whatever normally helps your anxiety and managing that, rather than anything else. What usually helps you? A good run? Some time outside? A physically active ‘job’ that grounds your body? It would be gardening for me, but what works for you? And every time you feel yourself spiralling, acknowledge that is happening and let yourself move onto another thought. What usually helps you?