Please please talk to mw

[Terrifiedshakes]

Went for routine smear at drs this morning. It was horrible. Nurse said she saw a lump so brought in a gp to look. I very nearly passed out on the bed and went into a cold sweat, hyperventilating. Gp came in who said yes there is a lump. Obviously got referred. The nurse and GP was lovely. GP said she didn't know what it was but she's not a specialist and it could be so many things. Nurse was kind and apologising for the shock I was in

Background

I'm 33
Clear smear 3 years ago with no HVP present
No irregular bleeding

Fit and healthy female I can run 10ks with no issues.

Only issues I have is after sex and when I'm on period it can feel like my cervix wants to fall out. GP looked at cervix for this 12 months ago and said she couldn't see anything

I'm so worried. I've been goigling for three hours straight. Texting relatives. I've been sick and I keep violently shaking

I've two chikdren who I need to keep my head up for and my husband is being so kind and helpful and has come home from work but I can't stop shaking

I know no-one knows if I've got cancer but I've got 2 weeks to wait like this.

They are called Nabothian cysts. They don't require treatment, they naturally disappear.
Hopefully this is what this is, but you have a check lined up and in good hands.
I'm sorry the nurse and doctor were not able to be calm, that is not helpful and unprofessional really. But were all human. You're in shock. Have a sip of brandy/ rescue remedy/camomile tea.

Keeping you in my thoughts OP. I have no experience of what your going through but I have just phoned to book in my smear when I have my 6 week check post baby as I’m overdue. I hope it’s something minor and treatable. You sound really panicky which is understandable, do you have a garden? Could you have a breather in the garden where it’s quiet, with a drink to try settle yourself a bit? I wouldn’t Google anymore, as you may work yourself up even further. I really sympathise you must be in an awful state. X

OP, I'm waiting for a biopsy result on my endometrial lining which I had scraped out last week.

Entirely possible it's pre cancerous. But I can tell you I've barely given it a minutes thought and instead I will wait to see what they say when the results come back.

If I do have cancer, so what? I will take some action when I need to. But I'm not going to sit here worrying about it, the suns out and I have a bottle of pink cremant in the fridge for 5pm.

Try to think this way, it's much less stressful. And if you really can't bear to wait for a referral, try to pay for a private gynae appointment and scan.

It really could be so many things. I have ectropian cells which make me bleed when I have a smear. We can't reassure you completely I know that.

Re PP who said Dr was probably reacting to your reaction, I completely agree. It's distressing watch someone else in distress.
Xx

This is one of those times when Google is not your friend. Walk away and go and do something off screen for a bit.

Sorry you're going through this OP. I had a colposcopy on Monday via the cancer 2 week pathway because I've been bleeding after sex and when the doctor looked she saw an ulcerated area. My colposcopy was completely normal and the area was actually just an ectropian. I know how awful it is though. Keep rationalising, cervical cancer generally takes years and years to grow.

Thank you everyone. All your words are so kind and keep me going to the point where I've just been for a walk around the park.

I've just remembered something reassuring the gp said. She said 'Know this, its an appointment to eliminate cancer'.

Try looking at it a different way . You are lucky to be on a two week pathway and as your hpv test was clear it’s unlikely to be cancer . There are lots oof things it could be that are easily sorted. My husband was recently on 2 week pathway and my attitude was it was not cancer until it was … luckily it was not but he was thoroughly tested and has an autoimmune disease .

don’t put yourself through two weeks of extreme stress when everything might be ok .

and I hope your dr was not crying as that’s very unprofessional. I think this may have been misinterpretation of her trying to work out the possibilities whilst calming you down .

Thanks sureaseggs. I'll look at it that way.
GPs face was definitely distorted because o really must have looked a sad case, shrunken in the chair, trying to be dignified with my questions but blatantly terrified. She looked like a very gentle, lovely caring gp. A real credit to the NHS with her bedside manner.

Thanks for everyone's kind words. We don't know for sure what it is, but the odds are hopefully on my side.

We are on holiday this weekend, so I'll try my best to come round, eat, smile, join in.

I have dark lonely moments inside my head where I think the worst and its not helpful. I bloody knew I'd come away from that smear test feeling crap. I had an idea :(

Just reading stories on Jo's cervical cancer website and people who have been diagnosed with cervical cancer have had clear smears 3 years ago like myself but then developed cervical cancer.

Feel panicked now and needed to come into the bedroom away from the kids as I can't look at them.

Have you felt yourself what they have said they can see? If not, have a feel and come back and describe it. Imagine your cervix as a doughnut, there's a hole in the middle. Have a good feel around.

Seriously @Terrifiedshakes you need to stop this. Maybe you do have cancer, probably you don't. You're not going to do yourself any good winding yourself up like this for the next few weeks. Try and focus on other things.

Pressed send too soon- I've had abnormal smears so know what feels normal for me. Around the opening it may feel more bumpy and textured.

At least then you'll have an idea of how big whatever it is they're seeing is.

I can't possibly feel around. I don't allow my husband to feel down there as the thought of a cervix makes me feel queasy. I've never, ever worn a tampon.

I've been back and forth to gp with health anxiety over the years as I was fixated on cervical cancer. Then when I turned 25 having smears calmed that fear down and I went onto breast cancer. I've got lumpy normal breast tissue but I must have been to the doctors in the last ten years around 20 times with lumps, referred to breast clinic around 8 or 9 times. Then I found running and this helped with the health anxiety, mentally. I now only check my breasts once my period is over as they are not as lumpy at this point. Then, after ovulation my breasts are a no go area, I don't look at them, touch them, avoid them, until my oeriod has ended as after ovulation they more lumpy.

I'm currently sat here crying, so scared and playing out the senario where I'm told it's cancer. I can't help it. DH has given me a cuddle and taken the kids out and I'm left here alone

Your messages are becoming more and more worrying, Op.

Do you get any treatment for your anxiety? Perhaps if not, now is a good time to ask. It's obviously not pleasant to have to wait for an all clear but it shouldn't be spinning you into this much of a loop.

Rather than sitting alone, can you find something to do with your hands and try listening to the radio or an audio book? Or watch some trashy TV?

I know I've hit rock bottom with the fear. I just need to let it all out and I'll come round for a while.

WHY did the doctor refer me?!! I've been reading stories and for cysts and polyps, doctors can either Google them and diagnose them, or they just have the knowledge to KNOW what they are seeing.

Why did mine not send me off with a printed out information sheet on either polyps or cysts. Instead she was contorting her face from emotion and telling me not to let this put me off future smears.

I do think I remember her saying she's not too concerned but WHY refer me. She said she doesn't have all the knowledge, but reading past stories on here, some gps have the knowledge and confidence to not refer on!!

She told you why she referred you - to rule out cancer. They referred me in the same situation. The consultant I saw at the hospital whipped out the polyp on the spot and all was good.

Zonder, I hope this happens to me. I really truly do.

Of course the doctor had to refer you. I think you may be reading things into her expression that she wasn't intending, and that her expression was a reaction to your extreme fear and distress rather than your medical situation.

Because they have to- I had a simple, 'mild' ectropian but I got referred on the 2 week pathway. The doctor must have seen 100s of ectropians but had to refer.

Of course. And there's no reason why it shouldn't. So best foot forward and imagine the best outcome. It's more likely than the worst outcome.

OP, once you’ve dealt with the physical issues you are concerned about, please ask for help for your health anxiety. I am prone to it too and I know how terrifying it is. I have diagnosed myself with various cancers over the years and at times have been referred for scans and tests. None of these worries has turned out to be cancer as yet. Perhaps one day, it will, but there are many, many reasons bodies can go wrong, and most of them are nowhere near as sinister as cancer (and anyway, not all cancers are a death sentence by any means!) Health anxiety is treatable, and I hope you find something that helps you.

But in the meantime, you’re waiting for this referral, and the waiting is horrible. But spending the waiting time in terror is pointless- it cannot change the outcome of the referral. You have to distract yourself and not allow yourself to keep Googling. I’ve been there- I know how destructive it is.

Ok, enough googling and crying. I've just tidied up. As good as my DH is with supporting me, saying all the right things, telling me that reassurance is fuel to the Fire etc, it can get bloody messy when I take my eye of the ball.

Kids are entertained but our surroundings look like the inside of my head at the moment so Im going to tidy up. I'm also going to keep running through this. I've worked so hard to not loose it these next two weeks whilst waiting and it will be tempting to let it slide as I feel so down.

Like my DH said, I need to continue to run because IF it's something bad, I'll need to be strong!

I've been there recently with a breast lump. GPwas clearly worried which freaked me out. It's scary but you just have to get on with things normally, it's most likely to not be anything worrying. And if it is you're in the system now which is a reassurance. The two weeks seems like forever but look forward to getting an answer.