Please please talk to mw

[Terrifiedshakes]

Went for routine smear at drs this morning. It was horrible. Nurse said she saw a lump so brought in a gp to look. I very nearly passed out on the bed and went into a cold sweat, hyperventilating. Gp came in who said yes there is a lump. Obviously got referred. The nurse and GP was lovely. GP said she didn't know what it was but she's not a specialist and it could be so many things. Nurse was kind and apologising for the shock I was in

Background

I'm 33
Clear smear 3 years ago with no HVP present
No irregular bleeding

Fit and healthy female I can run 10ks with no issues.

Only issues I have is after sex and when I'm on period it can feel like my cervix wants to fall out. GP looked at cervix for this 12 months ago and said she couldn't see anything

I'm so worried. I've been goigling for three hours straight. Texting relatives. I've been sick and I keep violently shaking

I've two chikdren who I need to keep my head up for and my husband is being so kind and helpful and has come home from work but I can't stop shaking

I know no-one knows if I've got cancer but I've got 2 weeks to wait like this.

I am beside myself

I've also not mentioned that I think i heard the Dr say as I say getting my shorts back on that she wasn't either 'too concerned' or 'too worried.' I can't remember which phrase she said as I've never been so close to passing out before in my life whilst lied on the bed.

Thing is, the nurse nor GP didn't know how scared I was until the chat we had at the desk, after the observation. I nearly fainted at the other side of the curtain away from the nurse as she was emailing the Dr to come and have a look. She didn't see that part. When i told her I nearly passed out she said that's normal after having a smear. I said "NO! It's becuase you said you found a lump!!!"

I don't want to acknowledge that the gp said at first she wasn't too worried. I don't know why. I didn't take her up on it at the time. Because how the fuck can she not be TOO WORRIED and in the same breath tell me she doesn't know what it is.

Sorry you're so worried and stressed about this. Having had both CIN3 pre-cervical cancer and a polyp it sounds like the latter. When you go for the appointment (assuming things are still as they were 30 years ago) they deal with what they find there and then. I had part of my cervix removed with electric loop diathermy & I had laser (for the pre cancer) all done and dusted and I've been fine ever since. The polyp was just snipped off I think.

Yours sounds like a polyp. The amazing gynae told me it takes many years for cancer to develop on cervix stories of a clear smear 3 yrs ago sound like faulty smears. I recall her telling me 6 years plus, usually much longer.

I got hpv when I was 14 and it was PRE cancer but on the edge of turning at 21. That's seven years and she told me that was rare. If you had clear smears 3 and 6 years ago this sounds like a polyp.

Try not to Google, I know it's hard with anxiety but just try and be logical. If you & DH haven't had hpv and you both have only had sex with each other it's so incredibly unlikely to be cancer.

But your health anxiety especially around cancer needs to be treated. Stress is a huge factor in disease and focussing on getting sick is the worst thing you can do. EFT is great for helping with this sort of anxiety as once learned you can do it any time anywhere.

Search Faster EFT on YouTube and focus on learning how to do it and use it to get these negative, damaging thoughts out of your head so you can focus on a positive outcome.

For now, sending you the best and hoping this helps in some small way.

So I like , create and craft TV. Keeping my home nice. Running, fitness. I'm training for a new completly new career and that being's Monday evening (ffs could do without that now)

We are away atm, in a caravan. We arrived last night so its chaos as I've booked the kids activities, one after another. All day. But I'm busy and DH is great.

Begins Monday evening *

As you can tell I've completely thought balls to the spelling and grammar checking on this thread.

It'll be a nabothian cyst.

Catastrophic thinking is a waste of time an energy, and I say this as someone who has OCD and an anxiety, so catastrophizing is my middle name!

I have colposcopy every 6 months due to pre cancerous cells on my vulva and cervix and absolutely spiral in the weeks before. I know exactly how you feel when news of any kind of change that may be cancerous is taking over your brain. But it's very very likely to be normal.

And if it isn't, cervical cancer takes a long time to develop and is well treated. But you're HPV negative, so its even less likely.

This type of anxiety is debilitating and I really feel for you.

I definitely have OCD. I've told drs over and over again

CBT many times, sertraline, another beginning with C. Doesn't work.

What works is a clean bill of health.

Then for OCD in general when I'm not worrying about health...running

Because how the fuck can she not be TOO WORRIED and in the same breath tell me she doesn't know what it is.

I think I know the answer to this.
I once had a breast lump. Of course I worried it was cancer. My GP said it wasn't. She knew because while she didn't know what my lump was, she did know what a cancerous lump would be like and mine wasn't it.

So rejoice that the GP was encouraging.

What works is a clean bill of health.

Yes of course. Until the next thing. When my health anxiety really peaked a few years ago, I came to the realisation that the only way my anxiety could be truly answered would be by having a team of medical specialists on call 24/7, covering every system and part of the body, daily blood tests and a suite of scanners in my home so I could have a full health check every day.

Of course that can’t and won’t happen, and even if it could- what sort of a life would it be? We have to live in the moment we’re in; we don’t have a choice.

You are only 33 at the moment and by the sounds of it, physically fit and in good health. As you get older, there will likely be more lumps, or dodgy looking moles, or strange symptoms. You will likely be concerned about a different cancer at some point in the future. You might even get cancer at some point- half of us do after all.

You cannot waste the rest of your time here worrying about it. Each time you need something checked, of course get it checked but you can’t let this anxiety spoil the moments that you’re in. Your anxiety is very likely to have an impact on your husband and children too, even if you’re very good at masking. When you are on your death bed (eventually, and hopefully a long time from now), you do not want to be lying there realising you wasted your 30s (and 40s and 50s) worrying about your health when you could have been making the most of being alive in that moment.

Try again with CBT and/or medication. Refuse to let this rule you- it’s no way to live. 💐

Incidentally I didn’t mention it in earlier posts as wasn’t sure if it would further fuel your anxiety, but I have a lump next to my cervix which is soft and mobile. It is apparently a small prolapse. Doesn’t affect me in any way (other than remind me that I need to keep doing pelvic floor exercises!) This could be a possibility for you, it’s not uncommon after pregnancy and birth.

Well I don't get pain after sex in my cervix but I do get a feeling like fullness, like it's falling out and I have to sit down. I also get this feeling when I'm on my period for the first day. It's so uncomfortable.

This has been going on for around a year. 1 year ago a doctor looked at my cervix for this complaint and said it looked normal and sent me on my way.

@Terrifiedshakes what you describe in your last post is just a prolapse.

It's entirely possible that your GP hasn't got a scooby doo what they can see, they may have no gynae training at all!

Was it a GP or a registrar? I wouldn't trust my practice nurse as far as I could throw her, and I've had GP registrars who do everything by the book so that may be why they put you on the pathway.

Is there no way you can go private for the check? It doesn't sound like you'll make it to the NHS appointment without getting very very ill with worry.

I also get the ‘falling out’ feeling on first day of my period- has been like that ever since I had children. It’s very common and not usually anything to worry about.

Oh gosh I'm so sorry I didn't see this earlier.

Honestly, I really truly don't think you have anything to worry about.

Cervical cancer is 99% of the time caused by HPV which you didn't have three years ago, and due to your and your OH's very low sexual partner count you are very unlikely to have.

I recently had a lump seen at a smear test, the nurse looked very concerned, referred me to the GP who looked very concerned, referred me on a 2WW and it was a cyst. They removed it and sent it off for testing and it was fine, just a bog standard cyst.

Please please please try and remain calm about it. I would put my house on it being nothing to worry ahout, honestly xxx

Drunktinkerbell and Waitingfor. Thank you so much.

I've eaten something nice tonight and I'm calmer now. I've just had a thought too...I've never smoked and never drink alcohol. I don't like it. I try to be healthy but I do like sugar!!

Going arcades for some 2p slot fun then getting an early night in this caravan!

Thanks ppl. Xxx

Just continued reading through the other comments and seen you and OH have only ever slept with each other. Your HPV risk is therefore on the floor!! And your cervical cancer risk is only a smidge higher than that. Honestly honestly honestly, the most you need to worry about is the discomfort of a vag exam; probably by a man haha! It could be a prolapse of something, could be a cyst, but I am CERTAIN it's not cancer.
My cousin has a huge lump pressing into her vaginal area and no one has any idea what it is, but they've said it's definitely not cancer.
Funny things can occur down there ;-) xxx

I know someone whose ovarian cyst was discovered during a smear test. Not sure how but it was. Anyway, it was removed and everything was all good. It really good be anything, please try not to worry (so easy for us to say, I know).

Tonight’s the night to have a large glass of wine op!

Had a good evening tonight. Fun with my family, laughed a little.

Lied in bed now having a mumsnet google about cervical cancer. Some helps, some bloody doesn't. Going to stop now as I'm trembling whilst reading and what's the point in that.

Can't believe I got through the day and managed to eat, drink tea, tidy up, have fun, laugh at DHs jokes, google for twisted reassurance and I've still got data left!

Thanks to all the kind people on here who helped me through the day. Especially through swimming when I was sat in the hot sweaty changing cubical having a panic attack!! - Not nice!

Lied in bed now having a mumsnet google about cervical cancer. Some helps, some bloody doesn't. Going to stop now as I'm trembling whilst reading and what's the point in that.

Aaarrgghhh STOP GOOGLING!

Your mental health is what's important right now and you're doing yourself no favours by googling

Agree wholeheartedly wit @Zonder STOP NOW

Can you find some way to prevent yourself accessing google on your phone? Block it in some way?

It's really quite self-defeating to keep doing this to yourself

I'm not going to Google today. My fingers ache and neck is sore and I need my data for a run tonight.

I've started my period this morning. Bang on time, maybe 1 day early ish. But at least I won't be on my period when I have to have my appointment as my periods are vvvv quick. 2 day periods. So that's good.

I'll run tonight as tomorrow I'll have that falling out feeling and can't run with that

FFS STOP GOOGLING. It's probably not cancer. If it is, you'll be treated and probably be fine. What you're putting yourself and your family through now isn't fair on anyone. Get proper help for your anxiety.

And the GP honestly wasn't nearly crying. She will see lumps and whatnot every day of her working life. She was probably trying to stop a sneeze or something. You're seeing things that aren't there because you're catastrophising.

Keep reminding yourself that worry doesn’t change the outcome. Only action can help you and you have taken appropriate action so well done. Nothing more to be done. Repeat.