Annoying Literary Cliches

[wukter]

I hate "The Somethings Daughter/Wife".
It's never The Insurance Claims Processor's Wife or The Carpet Fitter's Daughter.

Also hate feisty heroines.
Why can't they be mild mannered and polite, and yet have an interesting life.

Well. That's off my chest anyway.

1940's Ireland where the mammy is a hardworking saint and the Da a feckless alcoholic.

and the priest is an boiling cauldron of repressed barbaric sexuality and pure heart of darkness evil (even though it is invariably the case)

I am automatically put off those "genteel" sounding book titles like The Jane Austen Appreciation Society and The Emily Bronte Tea Club (or whatever - I may have made those up) as well as anything linking an author's name to conspiracy.

Any book which, for the plot to work, involves intelligent people acting in very stupid ways.

"London Assumption" books - those which are set entirely in the capital or the shires, use place-names as a shorthand for description, assume everyone knows where Gospel fucking Oak is or gives a damn as to why it is different from Hampstead, etc.

"Financial Assumption" books - oh lordy, Jocasta's hubby has left her and she has NOOOO money, but she'll sort it out once she has picked Timmy up from his violin lesson at prep school and gone home to her four-bed detached house in Surrey.

TV Tropes is a great site - lots of the cliches listed happen in books too. Go to "JustBugsMe" and then "Literature and Folklore".

in 1940's ireland the heroines always have great hair but don't realise it until it is too late, the lack of hair awareness is their fatal flaw

Their blue/black hair and their green eyes.

Everybody knows the Irish are freckally(?) and ginger

Misunderstood wild rebel lovers- they are such a bore in real life aren't they?

I have an irrational hatred of alliterative names in children's books.
I rejoice when I find a hedgehog NOT called Henry...

actually i ahve blue black hair (courtesy of nice'n'easy) and green(ish) eyes. i am constantly cantering about the burn on my donkey gathering turf and in turmoil at my rampant sexuality.

coco that's just reminded me
the detective stories where at some point they mention it's 5am, they've been working non stop for the past 48 hours and surviving on only coffee and cigarettes to catch the evil killer and then you think "hang on, weren't you having a 3 course dinner then shagging the handsome but mysterious stranger in the last chapter which was only...ooh last night". Brings new meaning to "on the job".

Stay out of the hay barns..........especially if the landowners son, who's been away in London, comes acalling.

Katisha, we have a hedgehog called Sniff -any better?

oh but coco, he lives int eh big house and smells ever so nice

I admire your restraint SGB

And the detectives always take Advil.

I mean SPB

YY, Coco, and Pepto-bismol to show they have an ulcer cos they're stressed.

And novocaine. That gets on my nerves, irrationally.

male detectives who are workaholic rulebenders and are either divorced or widowed because their wife was murdered by a later to be identified serial killer...

And why aren't heroines ever a bit fat?

Oh they, go on about their rubbish figures, but no writer EVER has the balls to let their character be a size 14 or above and also have sex.

The rubbish figures are always "straight up and down" and usually fixed by the application of AP undies bought by a sleazebag.

Bring on a sexy heroine with a muffin top who can neck a bottle of wine. I'd like her.

female detectives who drink to much and eat crap but have glossy bobs and still fit into their sleek black trouser suits and who attract the above species of alcoholic male detective...

oh yes for 'boyish figure' read 'pre-pubescent' you feckin perve!

Female detectives are always looking after a mother in a nursing home/druggie sister.

And they have a useless dog that never hears the serial killer breaking into the house. And then it gets killed.

Oh god, glossy bobs.

Second only to manes of blonde hair and masses of red curls in irritation stakes.

Nobody ever cooks in american crime books, they eat out because there's only beer in the fridge

you guys need to read better books

Nooooooooooooo I love my Detectives like they're my children. I can overlook their short comings.