Annoying Literary Cliches

[wukter]

I hate "The Somethings Daughter/Wife".
It's never The Insurance Claims Processor's Wife or The Carpet Fitter's Daughter.

Also hate feisty heroines.
Why can't they be mild mannered and polite, and yet have an interesting life.

Well. That's off my chest anyway.

strait-laced, late bloomer college girl meets wild bohemian upper-class college girl and gets absorbed into her wild and crazy worl with tragic consequences. Yawn

crazy world, even

I read loads of Stephen King novels as a teenager - every hero "chugs a beer" whkle he thinks. The phrase set my teeth on edge (frequently as it was in almost every chapter)

Also in books and films, where someone on their own (usually female) hears/sees something that spooks her and decides to investigate. Alone. Usually in the dark. Sod that, I'd phone a friend and crash at theirs, whatever time of night!

Has anyone mentioned the Gay Best Friend yet?

I honestly don't think I know any gay men. Or if I do, they haven't mentioned it to me. And they certainly wouldn't take me shopping and be the first person I called after a romantic disappointment.

1."You want the truth-you can't handle the truth." (US FILMS)

2."I am so sorry, It can't be any other way"
(EVERYTHING)

1. He caressed the chair/musical instrument/other inanimate object as if it were a beautiful woman (chick lit to quality lit depending on the object involved)

4.No-one had ever been on the Island/ up to name of hill/ out to sea past nightfall or alternatively this late in the year (Cue someone is going to.)

5."Of course that was what (s)he wanted us to believe. (whodunnit)
Better stop now-PS don't go into the cellar.

PPS pickupyourpants I am doing a first person narrative book-I maight make it past p80 yet. Got stuck last time.

Rules of literature:

Gay men - always a shoulder to cry on, friend to go shopping with, occasionally camp bitches

Lesbian women - either stridently butch and militant or incredibly glamorous

People with cancer or other serious illness - brave and selfless because obviously illness only strikes people who will go on to be a light in the world/run marathons/never feel self-pity

Single women under 40, desperate for a man and/or baby; love shopping, shoes and cupcakes.

Women bosses - always backstabbing bitches

Male bosses - frequently objects of desire, never a fat balding bloke with sweaty armpits

I'm sure there are many more (perhaps I'll see if Mum has left any copies of My Weekly, plenty of stereotupical stories in there!)

woman returns home to remote spot/gets away from it all to remote spot and there, lo and behold, is handsome artisan - carpenter/painter etc etc.

BUT - oh, no, he can't be just the odd job man - there is pain in his background which meant he has jacked in his previous career as architect/lawyer.

The guy probably plays the guitar as well. And needless to say has devoted mutt.

I seem to remember that in Oscar Wilde world, no one ever just sits down. They always 'fall into' or'fling themselves into' a chair.

I'm so late in the day on this one - but, clever female sidekicks who start off as if they're going to be proper characters but who ultimately end up with no real purpose or function and end up simply falling in love with one of the heroes. Hermione Granger, anyone? That Sherlock Holmes film with Robert Downey Jnr was the last film I watched that did that, but the 'I want a clever woman in my story (because women can be clever too, you know) but goodness, what on earth should I do with her now she's here?!' bollocks is rife!

i hate ditzy/kooky women, like 'susan' in housewives, bridget jones etc.

they are NOT charming.

In RL men dump them, their friends argue with them & they either look really scrawny & a complete mess, or put on weight & look a complete mess, cos they don't know how to cook & look after themselves. they also fail to have any kind of artistic talent which suddenly brings them in loads of money, nor do they meet rich men who fall in love with their charms & & either help save their job, or buy all the artistic crap they produce. they also get fired or end up with pretty crappy jobs.

harsh, i know, but true.

This is making me feel really chuffed about my novel, which may be currently on hold pending trying to work out a major plot issue, but at least falls into none of the above stereotypes. Except that the heroine is a writer, but I'm not, so I think that's okay.

Actually, though, I have quite a few friends who are ditzy / kooky, and although they can be annoying, they all seem perfectly attractive and successful, and do have a tendency to attract rich partners.

BariatricObama Fri 28-May-10 20:52:50
the main character is a writer - come on author use your imagination!"

Oh yes - it's like artists painting paintings about art and paintings....'yawn'

Stephen King is a bugger for it - although he seems to stop writing before he finishes the last two chapters of his books - they just tail offff....ffff....fff.f.f

DNeice gave me some books where the 14 yr old heroine is a cross between Adrian Mole and Brigit Jones recently telling me they were 'hilarious'...even the front cover said they were 'hilarious'.

They weren't.

You guys are all reading shit books! There's your problem

I'm guessing the books with these cliches in to begin with weren't shit (P&P for brooding hero for example) but they have been so overused.

You need to read Simon Brett's Fethering mysteries.
Two lady heroines are a retired home office worker who is a prude and very uptight and her neighbour, a fat, short alternative healer and they down loads of wine and have sex.

The inevitable scene where the female character with children looks sadly in her wardrobe at all the fab clothes she used to wear before her children came along and she swapped for her uniform of...jogging bottoms or oversized t-shirts (or as bobbie put it more accurately, jeans t-shirt, cardi, converse - can you actually see me?!)

SLutty Other Woman predator types who "purr" instead of talk.

No-one ever dies of anything disfiguring or revolting in books. It's always a brain tumour or an unspecified wasting illness where the hero(ine) can die gracefully and nobly, propped up on feather pillows whispering their goodbyes, rather than screaming in agony covered in the pox

I read a lot of fantasy and more often than not there is a young boy living in a back water town who dreams of exploring the wider world and circumstances usually leave him an orphan where he has no choice but be thrust in said wide world where he discovers he possesses an amazing command of some magic power or another so goes on to rid the world of demons/necromancers/zombies/(insert evil baddie), and becomes a world famous force to be reckoned with!
I still get sucked in to it though!

In chick lit I always find the main character is portrayed as somewhat shabby and has a step/half sister who is the very epitome of chic glamour.
Needless to say they do not get on

And heroines eat 'trendy' food all the time. "She lunched briefly on some a freshly-baked bread and some creamy Camembert" no doubt washed down by "freshly-percolated coffee" (it's always 'fresh' - whoever chooses stale?).

Can't anyone ever grab a packet of sandwiches from Boots?

In fact I was reading a book recently where the main characters drank so much 'freshly-brewed'coffee that all I could think of was that they must be spending half their time in the loo and the other half with overdose-on-caffeine shaking hands.

I have gay best friends and my mum had two. But they weren't hilariously camp. Just normal. Never saw them mince or raise their eyebrows at the sight of an unfortunate hat.

I'm having a particular hatred of novels where the noble, moral, sober (and yet able to enjoy large amounts of alcohol and nicotine) and unbelievably hard-working members of the generation above mine, are ripped off and exploited by their awful, lazy, puritanical and boring children (my generation). Said noble members of the older generation always have a brilliant relationship with their one or two grandchildren, which becomes the way by which the plots and schemes of the vile middle generation is subverted (this usually involving inheritance of some house or other, or trying to make decisions for the older generation).

Piles of these novels are always prominently displayed at my mum's house so I end up reading them in the bath when I'm there. Joanna Trollope, Libby Purves, I mean you. And if you're so bloody sure that being born before 1950 confers virtue, I would be delighted for you to have my father move in with you, right now. Enjoy.

hot tears pricked the back of her eyes

ffs