Annoying Literary Cliches

[wukter]

I hate "The Somethings Daughter/Wife".
It's never The Insurance Claims Processor's Wife or The Carpet Fitter's Daughter.

Also hate feisty heroines.
Why can't they be mild mannered and polite, and yet have an interesting life.

Well. That's off my chest anyway.

Yes ... not AWFUL, just disappointing and a bit rubbish. With a bit of flatulence, perhaps.

am much cheered by this thread. so far, my book has none of the cliches and has even got some disappointing sex! yay me!

See, this is why Marian Keyes gets so angry when her books are called chicklit - her best books avoid most of these cliches and her disappointing sex is the best ever IMO. If that makes sense. It's possible to be an easy read without being disposable.

Marian Keyes`s old books are better than new ones.

Oh yes, and when childless woman does conceive, it'll be through that mind-blowing sex again - not that grumpy midweek shag dictated by ovulation rather than inclination.

I am clearly not a very passionate person, as I have always managed to make time to take me knickers off before indulging.

agree diva.

Tom Clancy write too much.Its like billion word per chapter, he goes on and on about sky and weather and place, and more.Make me feel like turning the them pages and find the actual action.

Rachel's Holiday was the best MK, imo. But it started off like chicklit - and lots of people left it there. So not the case though.

However - I do take issue with one thing that MK did - she wrote a review for a book called "Who will love Polly Odlum?" and I would say that she hadn't actually read the whole book, given that she completely missed the twist at the end (or thought it was funny, which would be worse)

Taking this all far too seriously, isn't orgasmic sex more likely to result in conception at ovulation time than non-orgasmic sex? I thought that was the supposed to be the case, given the mechanics of the orgasm...

In any thriller/ end-of-the-world-unless-Lara-Croft-can-save-it type books either the hero or heroine is always an academic because the general public couldn't possibly follow the really inept clues.

The hero and heroine are also always betrayed by their best friend who they trusted implicitly. Why? Haven't they read this sort of shit book?

lol yes, what is it with all those backstabbing bastard best friends!

ANyone else remember Rona Jaffe? Class Reunion and After The Reunion were belters - feminism, social change, assaults, murders - yes there was a fair bit of designer-namery and everyone was gorgeous (apart from the villains) but the books had a lot of power to them.
Admittedly she then went fruitloop and started writing wierd polemics about teenagers with too much imagination...

Oh and who else remembers Princess Daisy with the farting scene?

Oh God - I read six of Anita Brookner's novels back to back, I was living abroad and they were the only novels in English in the house. They all blur into one.

Lonely middle aged woman lives in London, goes for lots of walks at dusk, goes to Paris for some reason or other (so author can lapse into French)then nothing happens and she comes home.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Boudoricca re: toffee apple- it was Perdita in front of a mirror looing at her brown head and white body.

I remember sharkskin breeches! That was Fen- in Riders? Just before she was compelled to fellate Enrico with his amazing pepperpot 'slightly unwashed' willy boke

Ohhh... What was the one where chick lit heroine sends pic of herself to american sex god (doctored) because she was obese, then when he offers her a visit by eating salad and running turns herself into a size 8 in a couple months?

I liked that. Wish it was that easy. She didnt just say sod it I fancy a bar of galaxy at any point she was determined.

That was Jane Green's Jemima J. Nasty little book written by someone with major fat issues.

Oh and there was one mindbendingly awful one about twin sisters who never knew each other, and it was made really obvious which was the wicked one by the fact that she a) had no DC b) tried to shag the other twin's DH and c) (oh and this is the ultimate FFS in chicklit!) During the course of the novel's plot, Princess Di pops her clogs, and the wicked twin, along with good twin's evil hubby, demonstrate utter wickedness by finding the whole mawkish funeral shitpile... mawkish shit. So of course they get their come uppance later.

Thumbwitch: two comments!

a) Agree v much re Rachael's Holiday ... it could only have been written by an alcohlic and it had a big impact upon me at the time (there may have been some parallels ).
b) You are right re orgasmic sex improving conception chances, of course

Lamplighter: I read a load B2B, too, for a dissertation. I cannot remember a single thing, except a general feeling of gloom and inactivity

Glitterkitty - OMFG. My best friend bought me that book for Christmas. I read it out of good manners (and boredom), but wasn't it just total shite??? No mention of loose skin / stretch marks, either . NOTHING AT ALL. TErrible, terrible!

Yes, Jemima Jones. Dreadful.

I think I found the crude attempts at character analysis the most offensive. Green's insight into over-eating; the bacon sandwich scenes? Shallow as a jam tart.

I wll get flamed for this but hasn't Marilyn French only really written one book?

I loved the Womans' Room but the rest really narked me. All men were one dimensional tossers and the women did everything, no man changed a nappy or showed any interest in his offspring etc etc.

The character of Belle in Her Mother's Daughter had me frothing at the mouth I disliked her so much and as for Anastasia, words fail me...........

I haven't read Jemima Jones (thankfully, sounds dire, in fact, not just dire but offensive). However, I would say that dear old Jilly has weight issues of her own as every time a heroine gets dumped she stops eating, loses a couple of stone (having e.g. Tory been revolting fat at 11 stone rolls eyes) and starts to look FABULOUS. Just like that.

Or indeed back to Fen, who by dint of getting her hair cut short and bleached blossomed overnight from a fat, spotty teen to an internationally admired beauty. (NB I tried this at this time. I just became a podgy spotty teen with short hair )

And yes, boke to the pepperpot-esque unwashed penis.

The "comic" rude DC who do not appreciate their lovely put upon mum.

Or hilariously bossy meddling mothers.

In all of the earlier Danielle Steel's books, all the female main characters were

blonde
had rich families
were size 8-10
capable of having mind-blowing sex with multiple orgasms on their second date (probably just jealous)