Annoying Literary Cliches

[wukter]

I hate "The Somethings Daughter/Wife".
It's never The Insurance Claims Processor's Wife or The Carpet Fitter's Daughter.

Also hate feisty heroines.
Why can't they be mild mannered and polite, and yet have an interesting life.

Well. That's off my chest anyway.

Heroines who have to leave their job after a collapse in personal circumstances, and then go on to discover that their natural flair for cupcake buntery is actually a multi-million pound business venture waiting to happen.

Just got here and leaping in, far to late, to respond to SleepingLion and defend Bridget Jones' Diary. Her obsession with her weight is ironic, as when she finally loses weight, her friends think she looks ill. I think Bridget Jones is a brilliant book, with a narrator who is alternately self-delusional and very witty and perceptive, most of which was lost in the film.

Any chicklit novel will consist of:

1. Slightly overwight (at 9st ) scatty mum in comfy clothes. Lizzy or Lucy usually. Likes coffee. Tower of strength.

2. Handsome if distracted dad- Matt. Just wants to be appreciated (dont we all). Is weak but not bad.

3. Bella- thin and sexy YOUNG assistent to dad (may have issues and belatedly wants kids)

4. Rich/thin OR eccentric/yet strangely knowing granma who causes chaos.

5. Dotty but loving grandad who every now and then looks up from his potting up dahlias to drop a gem of truth to lizzy/lucy.

6. Assorted precocious children called ptomely and/or anastasia who fill pages between strangely gross shagging scenes.

7. Gay best friends- as mentioned above. they will give scatty mum a makeover and hook her up with a fit and mysteriously straight buff gym fiend called Jake, when Matt runs off with Bella.

8. A dog, quaintly named. Who dies. Thereby reuniting Lizzy/Lucy & Matt.

And thats not even mentioning Jilly Cooper and her amazing raft of hideous cliches which repeat throughout her books. And horrible images. (Perdita and her toffee apple head anyone?)

lolol glitterkitty. I've never read any chicklit -- and now you've spared me the trouble.

The Makeover Moment, when the heroine, who has spent the first half of the book make-p free and in jeans (because she's intelligent/feisty/shy/busy), is suddenly transformed from uninteresting to absolute sexbomb by means of a shampooo and some shopping, and what's more she realises the Great Truth that to be a woman means accepting you are a decorative object not a person that makeup is FUN, hey buying into the consumerist patriarchal capitalist mainstream culture is your DESTINY because you have a fanjo.

It's the literary equivalent of the screen heroine who takes off her glasses and suddenly all the guys realise she is gorgeous (rather than the same woman but squinty-eyed now as she can see naff all)

Oh and the way all the chicklit heroines have lovely eccentric rural landowner parents that they flee home to when Mr Willy dumps them (before deciding it was all a misunderstanding) - no one ever grew up on a sink estate or even in the suburbs, in a nice two-bedroomed flat.

Thanks Glitterkitty. Excellent.

Having been to the movies last night to see second dire film in a row about apparently feisty career women who are still only happy when they find love it seems a few years of feminism has minimal impact on Hollywoods idea of what we want to watch. Even 'Eat Pray Love' has a happily ever after ending with the heroine falling in LURVE.

Eurgh!

Just stumbled on this, thanks for making me laugh into my cup of tea GlitterKitty, that was superb! Agree that there are so many cliches and stereotypes in novels. The best books I read recently were The Little Black Book and The Finest Type of English Womanhood. I get sick of the all the chick-lit stuff on the shelves where the 30+ heroine finds out her husband is shagging about so she gets divorced and moves to the country or goes on holiday to Italy, 'finds herself' and then meets another bloke.

Glitterkitty is so right. I get very annoyed by the plethora of Matts and Jakes in modern fiction!

Even I enjoyed Bridget Jones. Its wit and irony have been largely missed by the successive generations of pale imitations.

I shouldn't be on Mumsnet at all so have only read first page. Due apologies. I enjoyed these recently, and loved their un-wimpish heroines. No male rescuers or magic tresses required:

Iain Banks - The Business (I found the cartel-cracking heroine believable although (?) she's beautiful, talented, etc.)

Sue Monk Kidd - The Secret Life of Bees (cast of 3-dimensional black women)

Kim Stanley Robinson - Galileo's Dream (historical sci-fi: an acquired taste perhaps, but none of the females are helpless. And the future people make fun of Galileo's sexism.)

Very annoying is the anachronistic names of heroes/heroines.

Exactly like Matt and Jake as noted above. I don't know any Matts or Jakes and neither do I know any Kittys or Esmes who are my age. Blokes my age are called Mike or Andy, and women Fiona or Jo.

It's the equivalent of Fearne Flippin' Cotton appearing on some football nostalgia show and saying "Yeah, wicked moment in 1966 when Geoff Hurst scored" - and you were born, er, when? (But this is different thread, methinks!)

oh god I so agree with you gramercy - women our age are not called Edie or Evie or Ruby or Maisy. Women our age are called Karen, Kate and Sarah. Men are generally called Mike or Dave or Chris.
I hate any heroine that could be described as hapless. Esp if said character trait is portrayed as endearing rather than as ineptitude.

Wukter - try reading Mansfield Park. The heroine (Fanny Price) is a total drip, but she gets her man by being polite and self-effacing. The feisty etc other woman loses out.

Moral of my post: Stop reading chick lit and other shit. Read some literary novels instead. The plots are more interesting and the language is a lot better.

I love Mansfield Park. Thanks for reminding me of it. Persuasion (which is my favourite JA) is rather like that too, although I disagree with the "drip" comment.

And what gramercy said, although I would add Dave and Steve to that list, as every second man I meet seems to be called that.

OH! And the "animal" thing. Often the heroine is self-evidently a wonderful person because she loves animals and rescues them. These rescued animals are always perfectly well-behaved, never messy and tend to perform amazing acts of loyalty out of gratitude to the heroine. The heroine would be perfectly save with a tiger she had rescued, for instance.

The nasty but well-groomed rival as ALWAYS bad with animals and/or the trusty animal friends of the heroine dislike her from the beginning.

When the heroine/hero realises that he/she is actually in love with the co-hero/heroine and goes to their house as if in a daze (or better still goes for a walk in the park and there they are) and 'sort of walks into their arms'. Like it is that easy.

EEnteresting-where is it again you get frissons-they sound kind of nice?

Lunatic - good list, although I can think of a few novels with hilarious nightmare flat-shares/house-shares!

The woman who is a threat to the heroine's relationship and is beautiful and charming is actually a lesbian .

Yes, it always bothers me in books and films when there is an unexpected moment of passion and the heroine is always so well prepared.

If my one true love, presumed dead in a war, suddenly turned up on the doorstep several years later, I'd be clad in my oldest clothes, with greasy hair and with the hairiest legs ever.

And people always get pregnant after one single shag.

Hmm, Most annoying character in book is Shopaholic Becky Blooming something in Kinsella books, such an disgrace to general shopaholics

Gramercy - so true!

I have a gay best friend who could probably fit into a stereotypical chick lit novel. He's just finished a degree in fashion photography and weighs about 6 stone. We don't ever have deep meaningful conversations but instead bitch about various people we know or used to know, and competitively try to work out who is the most sex-starved at any one time. He's always going off on weekend trips to Brighton and keeps nagging me to get rid of DS for a weekend so I can join him.

He also says he's desparate to give me a makeover but every time I try to collar him into helping me dye my hair he's mysteriously busy

I hated that Becky Bloomingwhatsit so much that I killed her off in my book Not named, of course, but it's pretty damn obvious who it's meant to be...