Overdone and unrealistic phrases in books

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Phrases and things I have read in several books that I don't believe anyone ever says, or does:

"You're incorrigible" - ever said this or had it said to you? Me neither.
"X took Y by the elbow" - never seen, or done this.
"Z raised an eyebrow" - I tried this. It's impossible. I haven't had Botox, either.
"Yes. No. I don't know" - overdone and boring (and lazy)
Older people - 50-somethings and 60-somethings - being portrayed as technophobes, getting confused by "that interwebby thing" and wearing slacks from the Classic range at M&S
Older people calling everyone "dear"

Seriously, none of this happens in real life! (Does it?)

Correct me if I'm wrong.

And people calling each other darling. Nobody I know does.

"Her eyes stung with tears"

I don't know what it annoys me, but it does!

Women who don't conform always being described as having wild, curly hair

Or they have a tumble of curly hair which refused to be tamed- much like her. It couldn’t be just brown or blonde- it would be an unusual shade of auburn/ strawberry blonde/ jet/

I can raise my eyebrow too

I've got wild curly hair! But it looks like a bird's nest unless I get busy with the Curly Girl Regime. They don't put that in chick lit. And it's just a boring shade of Yorkshire Tea brown, not jet, red or anything exotic.

Oh and it always 'cascades'!

And if she attempts to tame that unruly mane (usually with something random like a jewelled comb - just one?! - or the pencil with which she's just being idly doing one of her charming sketches), inevitably one lock will fall over her eyes as she's gazing up at Mr Love Interest.
It may even tangle with her eyelashes.

(Thinking about it, she's generally so fulsome in the follicular areas, she's going to look like like a yeti when the menopause hits)

I hate 'padding' too.
I will say that a friend of mine can raise one eyebrow. But she'd be the first to admit she spent a long time working on it.

This (versions of it) annoys me: 'I asked her to do such and such. She demurred.' WTF do you MEAN by 'demurred'? Show us what she actually does/says!

@Junebughustle I used glowering often! It was used often by my parents - possibly because of their Scottish roots.

This is a great thread and I’ve nodded along to so many of the words and lines. But just goes to show how subjective it is, what sounds trite and well-worn to one, won’t to another.

’Nape of the neck’ is one I always roll my eyes at. And someone’s eyes flashing.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron I know people who use darling liberally.

‘swallowed hard’ - people in books always doing this whereas in real life it’s a very rare thing. Also how often does the hairs on the back of ones neck really rise? Almost never.

Also, muscles that jump in someone's jaw when they're angry; only happens if you're chewing.

Or if you're off your tits on cocaine or mdma!!!

Ouch op that is bad, hurt my eyes and head 😂

Some chick books are too hard to read

I had to abandon one as just so painful. Every male, old, young, married or not, was secretly in love with female lead

Oh that reminds me - hatred for mid life females

I remember now the diatribe that made me stop now - the slim wealthy woman in her 50s shouldn’t have worn skirt sleeves her arms were not good

And tucking in not good as caused round shape up to her boobs

Bog off

Lesserspottedmama

Also how often does the hairs on the back of ones neck really rise? Almost never.

Seems to happen a fair bit on Woo threads on MN, usually the ones called something like "Have you ever been in the presence of Pure Evil?".
Always loads of posts where back-of-neck hairs prickle, skin feels cold and poster experiences need to run away after having encountered some randomer about whom they know absolutely nothing "but I just knew"

Laughing at the menopause forecast!

I have wild unruly hair that can't be tamed. I'd never have got to adulthood and still attempted to put it up with a comb or a clip let alone a fucking pencil as it would ping out and hit someone in the eye while my hair bloody well laughed at me for being an idiot. You know you need STRONG hairbands, 50 million pins, at least 5 combs or just let it mane about. If these silly women don't even know their own hair are they really fit to be out alone.

People 'leaning in' make me cringe.
But I expect that's been covered already

I heard my husband arguing with him the night he disappeared.
What were they arguing about?
I'm afraid I don't know.

And when they are finished padding about they slip into bed, or into the bath, or into a slinky dress. They don't get in, they slip in.

As if there's anyone who wouldn't lean in to their spouse after they'd both slipped in to bed and ask "what were you and George arguing about then?"

But I guess it's possible he demurred.

I know this is a bit old but Sherlock Holmes is always "ejaculating" which I'm afraid never fails to make me laugh e.g. "'Watson!', Holmes ejaculated".

In the Just William series, characters keep ejaculating crumbs.

Some of the quotes from the romantic novels on this thread remind me of The Young Visiters, written by Daisy Ashford aged nine.

Oh Bernard she sighed fervently I certinly love you madly you are to me like a Heathen god she cried looking at his manly form and handsome flashing face I will indeed marry you.

Picked an old Jane Green book out of my stores today.
I was reminded that all our heroines sit with their legs curled under them ( and never get cramp).
The first woman we meet is in her sixties. She was very beautiful in her youth and is allowed to have realised this because she's old now. She has her full makeup on and her white hair is pulled into an elegant chignon (this doesn't take all bloody morning as it would me).
While cycling (on her ancient bike with its wicker basket, natch) into town, she stops off to skinny dip in some randomer's pool. Despite "jumping into the water" her hair and makeup don't get soaked and ruined.
She also smokes and drinks like a trooper. This shows she is a feisty dame with a fascinating past.
I recall that younger heroines don't smoke and don't drink that much, although they may occasionally get adorably tipsy and confess their tender feelings for Mr LoveInterest.
Actually enjoying the book more when seen through the "Fuck you, Molly" lens 🙂

I loved The Young Visitors - nice to have a reminder.

Impossible. Iris pigment does not change colour.

It can appear different colours shades under different conditions however. Eg lighting, tone and flushing of skin, pupil dilation.

I have just read a line from a crime novel set in current times, a teenager says "mother forbade me from going to the rock concert" worst still the girl is called Angela and is 18, I can't imagine there are msny 18 year old Angelas around using the word forbade.

I also don’t think anyone has used the phrase “rock concert” since the 1970s!