Overdone and unrealistic phrases in books

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Phrases and things I have read in several books that I don't believe anyone ever says, or does:

"You're incorrigible" - ever said this or had it said to you? Me neither.
"X took Y by the elbow" - never seen, or done this.
"Z raised an eyebrow" - I tried this. It's impossible. I haven't had Botox, either.
"Yes. No. I don't know" - overdone and boring (and lazy)
Older people - 50-somethings and 60-somethings - being portrayed as technophobes, getting confused by "that interwebby thing" and wearing slacks from the Classic range at M&S
Older people calling everyone "dear"

Seriously, none of this happens in real life! (Does it?)

Correct me if I'm wrong.

I admit I hold up my long, gypsy skirt when I'm walking or running up the stairs at the station. This stems from the one time that I didn't when I was a teenager. I trod on the skirt a the front and spectacularly fell forwards and due to the elasticated waist exposed my knickers to those coming down the stairs. You don't repeat that mistake twice!

Really? Everyone says it in general speech? I've only ever seen it in books.

I'm going to try an incorrigible experiment.

This made me laugh 😂

yes those big eyes and full lips would be too much for the mere world

Sparkling eyes, flashing eyes, eyes that change colour. Usually applied to dashing young men experiencing romantic ardour.

Now, throughout my admittedly exciting teens and 20s, I experienced more than my fair share of young men in a state of romantic ardour. Not once did any of their eyes do anything laser-y or magical like those belonging to characters in books.

I say it and I can, and do, raise my left eyebrow.
However, I've obviously failed to spot people's eyes flashing different colours due to their emotional state (I accept lighting and other colours eg eye makeup can make a small difference) 🤷‍♀️

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron
Perhaps I might have more opportunity to use the word given my circle of deeply flawed and unrepentant friends.

I can raise my eyebrows independently of the other. I often roll my eyes, have called people incorrigible, been told off for clenching my jaw as my sister could see the muscle move, and a good friend's eyes go almost black when she's angry. It's her death stare. I agree with a pp, it's due to the pupils getting larger.

In American books - jaws that 'work', couches that are overstuffed, blouses that are silk. Books written by unnatractive middle aged men about unnatractive middle aged men who are inexplicably irresistible to beautiful young women.

Oh yes, the “simple silk blouse and pencil skirt” outfit that’s meant to signify understated elegance but someone who doesn’t let their life revolve around fashion - a £300 outfit if you want it to actually look elegant and about a month’s searching to find both blouse and skirt that actually fit instead of gaping/pulling around the hips/riding up when you walk/showing your bra etc etc. And I’d spill coffee on the blouse IMMEDIATELY but maybe that’s just me.

The true “want to look halfway decent without caring about fashion” outfit is a jersey dress and opaque tights but that doesn’t count quite so sleek.

I look like Margaret Thatcher in a simple pencil skirt and silk blouse

Or Liz Truss!

"he squeezed her hand in reassurance". I don't think people squeeze each other's hands for reassurance..

Releasing breathes they didn't know they were holding

Jaws twitching.

’Almost imperceptible’.

There’s a lot of that about.

Curly hair as a personality trait.

I can raise one eyebrow and I roll my eyes. I got Botox and couldn’t properly raise my eyebrows independently any more and hated it!

I've done it at funerals but not in day to day life.

On the second page she described herself as elegant. I have yet to meet a woman who would describe herself as elegant.

Can you imagine??

Women have "violet eyes" in books but not in reality. I'm actually a real eye-colour noticer, and I've not yet spotted anyone whose eyes change colour, also agree with a PP that most people haven't the foggiest clue what other people's eye colours are. (I have put this to the test by asking people what their best friend's/close workmate/mother's eye colour is and I'd say at least half have no idea.)

Women are also found "sighing in despair over her overly skinny frame" etc.

I know this is a bit old but Sherlock Holmes is always "ejaculating" which I'm afraid never fails to make me laugh e.g. "'Watson!', Holmes ejaculated".

Reminds me of Carrie on SATC narrating that there was a shift "imperceptible to anyone but me" when Big goes from being romantic and slushy in the evening to cold and distant in the morning. Yeah, imperceptible only to you and the millions of viewers...

F-Off Molly

You may all enjoy this old thread about cliches etc in books, particularly chick rom coms.

eg. Heroine of the story is a wool weaver and inherits Grandmas house in a sleepy Cornish village (it’s never a Birmingham flat!), where she goes to recover her break-up with Brad, and then meets the incorrigible Cody, over from America…

This sounds funny I will read it. I have a bit of a side hustle as a proof reader so I am always interested in this stuff. I saw a book today that had "incorrigible" on the back cover blurb.

When someone "pops" something in his/her mouth. The only time I've "popped" something in my mouth was when a bubble from my bubble tea popped into my mouth suddenly through the straw and nearly bloody choked me. It was not particularly sexy!

I hate the word "popped" as a verb when talking about eating

Here's an award for bad writing.... about sex, with examples - many of the authors are well known and respected and they have awards ceremonies. I wonder how it feels to be shortlisted and not win.

And here is the link

literaryreview.co.uk/bad-sex-in-fiction-award#:~:text=In%20a%20shock%20announcement%2C%20the,Pax%20(Holland%20House%20Books).

The line "I'll give you two seconds to get to the door, but if you don't run I'm very much afraid that I'm going to have to make love to you" could have come straight from a bad James Bond script. Would anyone REALLY say that? I would have been at the door in half a second if anyone said that to me!

Yes, Katie Fforde, I am looking at YOU.