And if we're doing lardy bits, the worst offender has to be tummy. I can grab it with both hands and give it a good old flobblelobblelobble. Lovely. Then my big, strangely square, bottom. Then the gorgeous cottage-cheesy tops of my thighs. The rest is passable in dim light (like a pea-souper, perhaps).
What I need is one of those barrels with braces attached that clowns wear. It would highlight the good stuff and subtly disguise the bad...