Comment by woman in charity shop

[HunderBoff]

I went in a charity shop and found a dress I liked. It was on a 'S' hanger but had no price tag on it.

I took it to the till and asked the lady how much it was as it didn't have a tag, she was an older lady so I don't think she heard me as she searched the dress for the (well hidden) manufacturer label and asked me to read it.
I was confused but thought whe wanted to know the brand to price it up. I said 'zara basics, small'

She replied 'its a small then'
I said ' yes I know its a small- the hanger sai- I was asking how much it was as there is no price label'

She said a fiver and I said I would have it.

But then she said 'would you like to try it on?'
I said no as i have plenty of zara dresses in a size small.

And she reached up- pulled her glasses to the end of her nose, looked my up and down (seriously!!) And said 'are you sure you don't want to try it on?'

I was so upset.

Ive lost 8 stone!

I weight 9 stone! And I'm still getting people looking at me like that and making me feel shit about my body :(

I walked out but my husband still bought the dress (which fit perfectly btw!)

I just feel so upset as I thought I was over feeling that way, feeling like other people think im 'big'

I feel it was so rude of her?!

If you just step back and take a few deep breaths. This doesn't seem personal. Yes, her behaviour was uncalled for BUT I expect they do get people who don't try on first then expect to be able to return it. Please put it out of your mind.

Well done for your achievement, am sure you look fab!

Op try not to let it worry you, it says more about her than you. I know it easier said than done though. When I was getting married I found a dress I loved and said I would like to order it. I told the shop assistant that I was planning to loose weight (I was about a size 16 at the time). The shop assistant said we'll still order in your current size, as it's easier to take in, but more difficult if the dress is too small. I agreed that was sensible and she took my measurements. I then paid for it to be ordered. It took months for it to arrive. In that time I managed to loose about a stone. I got a call to say to come in for my fitting. It was a different lady. The dress fits fine on my waist and hips, but was a bit small on the bust (I have always had a big bust). The lady accused me of putting on weight, I said I hadn't and in fact I'd lost some. She then said 'did you ask us to order a smaller size'. I said no, we agreed to order my current size. She then went on a rant, asking if I had a sit down office job and how I needed to cut down on cakes. I for the record don't have a sweet tooth and never ate cakes. I was in shock, so hardly said anything back. The dress was one that laces up the back. It turns out all they needed to do is was replaced the removal back panel behind the laces with a slightly wider one. I suspect the original lady (given my bust measurement was wider than my waist and hip) had decided that was easier than having to take the rest of the dress in. When I went back in it fit perfectly with the simple alteration. It was the horrible lady, she did apologise, but honestly the damage was done. I should have felt really special in my wedding dress, but instead felt like a fat blob.

I had a hairdresser insist to me today that I should do yoga because I am fat. I cycle, swim, gym, dance AND yoga! Yes I want to lose a bit but I don't need that from anyone, nevermind some hairdresser. I was so fed up at that comment. Why do people do this.

I have several Fat Face dresses in different sizes... And the ones I left behind. People usually try things on in charity shops so she was probably surprised. You have also assumed she thought you were too fat... She could have thought the dress would be too big...

Oh god that happened to me in John Lewis when I was just looking for a multi pack of pants 😆 the sales woman could see I was searching the rack and gave me a bigger size .
if I’d bought the size she handed me my knickers would have fallen down 🤣

Btw I am about 8 and a half stone and cannot fit into a Zara small .
I would think no more of it if I were you , some volunteer workers can be a bit dotty in my experience

This is the first time I have posted as a Mumsnet wanting some advice and if I'm honest a bit of support. I'm still not sure what happened to me but I'm wondering if it was love bombing followed by disposal. I'm not even sure of the right terminology here. It all began about 4 months ago when I bought something from a seller on eBay. I then bought a few more items from him like records, dvds. Out of the blue he sent me a message through eBay asking if I liked him and did I want to be friends, just messaging and that. I was surprised at being asked if I liked him as it was totally unexpected. I didn't see any harm so I agreed. Then somehow it switched to us texting each other on our phones and not on eBay messages. Very quickly he told me that he loved me and asked if I loved him. At this point he didn't even know what I looked like. We even spoke on the phone and he wanted to meet me and go for a drink, even though we are over 200 miles apart. He said that he woul come up and visit me and asked me if I would send him a photo as he needed to see what I looked like. Which is fair enough, but I know that I'm not attractive at all, ugly even and I worried that once he saw what I looked like he would reject me, which he ended up doing but not before I had fallen in love with him through the love bombing, even though I now know that's what it was it still hurts like hell and is incredibly painful. His demeaner became so cold towards me after he saw the selfie that I sent. He used to call me sweetheart, love, darling, wish me sweet dreams when he text late at night. But then he totally changed and was almost horrible to me, like he hated me. The love bombing if that's what it was only lasted 3-4 months but it's the total change in him and I can't get an answer from him why. I can only think it's because I'm ugly. He is 58 and I am 65 so should know better really. I still love him but he is cold as ice towards me. What can I do? I welcome all replies. Sorry that this is so long and thank you for reading this far. I really am broken hearted and he is just a cruel .mind f--k

Sorry I think I have posted this in the wrong place but like I said it's the first time I've posted other than replying to what other people have posted . Hope what I've written still gets seen and replied to and once again I apologise for posting in the wrong place

@ArtfulDenimSheep
You need to start a new thread if you want replies to your post.
Go to TALK then choose an appropriate topic (for example 'Relationships' rather than 'Weight Loss Chat') then click 'Start a new thread' and repost your issue there.

Thank you Carpetknees. 👍

Well done on your incredible weight loss!

Similar happened to me in a charity shop in Eltham - after I’d washed and dried it, I went back in wearing it but the woman wasn’t there 😤

She was rude. That’s her problem. You lost the weight. Fuck her - be proud! 🙌🙌🙌

Not the point of the thread but how did you lose 8 stone if you don’t mind me asking? I could do with some tips!

Yes rude, but she may have been being trying to be helpful rather than imply anything - sizes are variable. May genuinely have been innocent and trying to be helpful (perhaps lots of people buy things, they don’t fit and they return them?).

Exactly. This. It doesn’t sound like the woman was suggesting she was fat. She may have thought there was uncertainty re the sizing and didn’t want you to end up returning the garment.

God Bless You
I'm so sorry you were on the receiving end of such rudeness 😥
How immensely ignorant
I've witnessed this type of person moreso in the past, when I worked in a gym & I wasn't permitted to either gain or lose a few pounds -
I'd never comment on someone's weight & you've done tremendously well & I really hope you're extremely proud of yourself, because you so should be 🤗
Congratulations & maybe this woman was also envious of your slender figure & youth so inadvertently tried to put you down
I'm so comforted to know you seem to have a very supportive husband by your side
All the utmost very best to You&Yours 💚

Well done for returning to the shop wearing aforementioned garment, even if the rude woman wasn't there
You know you fit perfectly in your lovely garment & this is the most imperative thing 🎊🎉
Some women sadly, just like to put other women down, especially attractive ones, whom're in excellent shape 🙌

I had a run in with a charity shop self appointed queen! I had a major sort out of clothes and I mean major! There were so many clothes that were all brand new, with labels that had been in my wardrobe for ages, I was being really cut throat due to moving! I must have bagged up 10 bags, plus boxes of shoes, majority worn once, they'd hurt my feet so never wore them again so practically new and back in their boxes!
I had finished work, suited and booted and drove by a charity shop, that looked like it would appreciate the haul! So I parked up, took what I could carry into the shop and ran back to the car to get the rest. Self appointed Queen of charity shop looked me up and down, muttered something to her colleague and said to me, they better be bloody clean!!

I was incensed! I was like how blimming rude are you!! With that I grabbed loads of the bags headed back to my car, went back and grabbed the rest , one of the bags split and loads fell out all with labels on, which she saw, i just confirmed that yes they were all brand new, with labels on and half were designer so she's lost out! But thanks for asking and wished her a good day!!!
I found another one a few days later that were more than happy to accept them and they were so grateful 🙏
Some of them are just so rude, I'm sorry you experienced that!
But great that it fit you, I think I'd pop back in wearing it, just for satisfaction sake 😉

Well done on the weightloss also x

Aw, that is such a horrible and unnecessary reaction from her. You have done amazingly with your weight loss, and she’s clearly not a very nice person. I actually regularly have a worry about this happening as I’m around size 12 but I buy clothes regularly for my 17-year-old daughter who is a size 6. I always hold my breath at the till waiting for a comment! It hadn’t happened yet right enough but there’s still time. I hope you’re okay, please put this interaction out of your head.

sounds like my mum.

So bizzare - it sounds like she short-circuited! And how dare she add insult to injury by showing some self-awareness and robbing you of some of your righteous indignation after the fact. For shame!

I would have left too. No way would I tolerate that behaviour from a shop assistant.

Some "older ladies" lack the filter mode and when they move their mouths to speak anything comes out of their mouths . Don't take it personally. Some older people don't often have the ability to process words into pleasantries.. welll done you for you weight loss. And a Zara dress for five pounds .. well done!

@Pinkdhalia please read your own incredibly rude and ageist comment and then reconsider whether it's just older ladies who lack the filter mode and aren't able to process words into pleasantries.

I’m 80 so I don’t consider my post ageist I do hear older women speak before they think! Probably younger people do but the post mention was of an older lady.