Comment by woman in charity shop

[HunderBoff]

I went in a charity shop and found a dress I liked. It was on a 'S' hanger but had no price tag on it.

I took it to the till and asked the lady how much it was as it didn't have a tag, she was an older lady so I don't think she heard me as she searched the dress for the (well hidden) manufacturer label and asked me to read it.
I was confused but thought whe wanted to know the brand to price it up. I said 'zara basics, small'

She replied 'its a small then'
I said ' yes I know its a small- the hanger sai- I was asking how much it was as there is no price label'

She said a fiver and I said I would have it.

But then she said 'would you like to try it on?'
I said no as i have plenty of zara dresses in a size small.

And she reached up- pulled her glasses to the end of her nose, looked my up and down (seriously!!) And said 'are you sure you don't want to try it on?'

I was so upset.

Ive lost 8 stone!

I weight 9 stone! And I'm still getting people looking at me like that and making me feel shit about my body :(

I walked out but my husband still bought the dress (which fit perfectly btw!)

I just feel so upset as I thought I was over feeling that way, feeling like other people think im 'big'

I feel it was so rude of her?!

Congratulations on your weight loss. But I would say maybe she was just saying ‘just try it on’ so you could be sure you liked it. You’ve done so well, and I understand the overthinking but I think it’s fine.

Looking you up and down like that is bitchiness. Hope you don’t let this woman ruin the rest of your week. Congratulations on your weight loss.

Try running a team of them as I used to. They're a lovely lot but a few are eccentric

This happens a lot on Mumsnet -people surmising what others were thinking on virtually no evidence. "Do you want to try it on?" is such a normal question for a shopworker to ask, so the only 'evidence' the shopworker was jealous, bitter, bitchy, nasty etc etc was an up and down look, which could mean anything or nothing.. We only know for sure she was an older lady, so clearly a cow.

Congratulations on your weight loss, OP.

How bloody rude of the assistant to comment. Please don’t let her get you down. You’ve done so well and should be proud of yourself.

I hate it when shop staff, checkout operators etc comment on what I’m buying. It’s really not appropriate. When I was younger I’d get embarrassed and fumble for my words. Now, I’m more able to answer back. It’s very liberating!

Agree, it's not her business to comment on your body. It doesn't matter what size you or the dress are, she just needs to sell things for the charity she's helping!!!

I have this all the time. I’m 60 and have a 26 inch waist, people always think because I’m old I need a larger size, drives me mad!

60's not old.

I've been 9st before but am 5'8 so probably wouldn't go for a small size in anything. Are you sure she wasn't looking at your overall frame/height rather than your weight?

This! It's ridiculous how many people get offended about perfectly normal comments. Being a charity shop you wouldn't (presumably) be able to return it, she was probably just suggesting you try it on to make sure it did fit before buying.

I think I'm living in a parallel universe when reading MN posts sometimes.

I volunteer in a charity shop.

I would have said similar because out of all the brands we get, Zara is probably the most inconsistent. I am a size 14 and have a Zara coat which is size small and is big on me. Last shift I tried a size M Zara dress on and it was tiny, like a size 6 or 8.

Why automatically leap to thinking that she was a judgy old cow who was sneering at you? Isn't it more likely that processing refunds is a bit of a hassle, and she was encouraging you to try it and make sure it really fits, especially as there was some ambiguity around the sizing? I think you are being very over-sensitive here.

People are saying that the shop assistant was rude to comment on the OP's weight. Even the OP said it but the assistant didn't comment at all.
She asked the OP if she'd like to try it on.
Thats a very normal question that most shop assistants ask their customers.

She sounds bitter and nasty, probably suffered with low self esteem her whole life and never worked on herself so lashes out at others to make herself feel better temporarily. Put her out of your mind, she means nothing to you.

Weird, isn't it.

According to this thread we're all weird, socially awkward, jealous, bitter....

How long will it be before people are along to say that the volunteers are only there to steal the "good stuff" whatever that means, or that they only volunteer because they can't get a proper job.

I regularly encourage people to try things on because I know from bitter experience that sizing is all over the place. Processing returns is a pain. It screws our figures too because it makes it much harder to work out what categories have sold well that particular week if you've done loads of refunds. People feel awkward (unjustifiably) about returning things bought in charity shops. So it's much easier to strongly encourage people to try things on, and then a sale is definitely a sale - not a sale today and refund tomorrow.

Is this why people are reluctant to volunteer?

You're an eejit. They're the back bone of the charities that I worked for

Agree. Let’s just sweep an entire profession into a stereotype 🙄

Have you heard of the Dartmouth Scar experiment (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-school-walls/202410/invisible-scars#:~:text=The%201980%20Dartmouth%20Scar%20Experiment,and%20eye%2Dopening%20as%20ever). ? It’s really interesting (IMHO…but admittedly I tend to find quite geeky things interesting!). If you don’t want to read the article, it’s basically an experiment where women go into interviews thinking (incorrectly) they have a visual flaw, when in fact the flaw has been removed before they enter the room. They report being stigmatised and treated negatively because of their scar, when they don’t even have one.

The experiment showed that our own self limiting beliefs, often caused by our past experiences ( ‘invisible scars’), can shape the way we interpret things. Since you’ve lost weight, I wonder if judgey looks or comments you’ve had in the past might make you slightly more likely to read her look as criticism.

Im not saying she definitely WASNT being rude by the way; i’m just saying it’s possible that there was some other interpretation: eg her ‘up and down look’ was actually due to her adjusting her glasses and getting used to the new focus.

If in doubt how someone meant something ,
i try to choose believing they meant the nice way! sometimes people are just clumsy, rather than rude. And, if they ARE rude, well that’s on them!

As a charity shop worker myself, it's because some of the people who volunteer there alongside me are judgemental ignorant twats.

I do my best to be welcoming to customers, make some small talk and try to have something positive for people; for some of the people that come in, we are their only social contact all week.

Honestly, an awful lot of old bits work in charity shops….ignore them, they are just looking for opportunities to be bits

Try not to let it upset you though I know it's hard, I lost loads of weight and my mum bought me a size 16 dress. I was an 8-10! 😤

Absolutely this.

There are a lot of posters on this thread completely making up their own story here.

"she reached up- pulled her glasses to the end of her nose, looked my up and down (seriously!!) And said 'are you sure you don't want to try it on?'"....she do this to me she get a slap.

Like half the people on this thread it would appear. If people are like that then they should be spoken to then got rid of.

This is a really sensible comment.

You’ve lost loads of weight OP and you’re clearly now very slim. But I wonder if in your head you still feel and think about yourself as an overweight person, albeit perhaps unconsciously?

Your reaction suggests you’re very sensitive about your weight when you have no need to be, and you seem to believe that you’re still perceived as chubby when it’s very doubtful that’s the case if you’re getting into a Small!

I think it’s more likely that she thought the dress was too big, or as PP suggest, she just thinks it’s better to try things on before buying.

The worker didn’t know about your weight loss, all she saw was a slim woman holding a dress. As women, we all know how utterly shit the sizing system is and how widely sizes vary. I think, gently, that you’re letting past inhibitions influence how you read interactions.