Comment by woman in charity shop

[HunderBoff]

I went in a charity shop and found a dress I liked. It was on a 'S' hanger but had no price tag on it.

I took it to the till and asked the lady how much it was as it didn't have a tag, she was an older lady so I don't think she heard me as she searched the dress for the (well hidden) manufacturer label and asked me to read it.
I was confused but thought whe wanted to know the brand to price it up. I said 'zara basics, small'

She replied 'its a small then'
I said ' yes I know its a small- the hanger sai- I was asking how much it was as there is no price label'

She said a fiver and I said I would have it.

But then she said 'would you like to try it on?'
I said no as i have plenty of zara dresses in a size small.

And she reached up- pulled her glasses to the end of her nose, looked my up and down (seriously!!) And said 'are you sure you don't want to try it on?'

I was so upset.

Ive lost 8 stone!

I weight 9 stone! And I'm still getting people looking at me like that and making me feel shit about my body :(

I walked out but my husband still bought the dress (which fit perfectly btw!)

I just feel so upset as I thought I was over feeling that way, feeling like other people think im 'big'

I feel it was so rude of her?!

Well she wasn’t being polite was she. Not even a little bit!

how rude OP id be upset as well! Congratulations on your weight loss 👏

She thought the dress would be much too big for you

What have librarians got to do with it?

But you said yourself she was hearing impaired. You said she didn't hear the first thing you said. Why do you presume she magically regained her hearing to hear the second thing you said?

You should have said something like "good job its not you trying it on then" i match rudeness with rudeness nowadays otherwise i can feel my blood pressure rise

She was a cow BUT you are an adult and you have the choice to not let the snippy comments of strangers get to you.

You need to get better at laughing/brushing off trivialities like this.

Do yourself a favour and read this...

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life : Manson, Mark: Amazon.co.uk: Books

I think you are being a bit touchy, maybe most people want to try clothes on. Think you are reading way too much into this

I work for a charity and we would want to know that had happened, if you feel ok to do it a call to the shop might help other people 💐💐💐

Some people aren’t suited to retail…or anything public-facing really - it’s not limited to charity shop staff.

Once bought something from an independent deli (not cheap) and the assistant managed to do the whole transaction without looking at me at all, or stopping her conversation with another staff member…or smiling. I should have just told her to forget it. Amazing in what was an independent shop where being nice to customers is essential if you want to stay in business.

I’m the same weight as you and always have been, and when I’ve been asked about trying something on it’s never occurred to me that someone might be thinking something negative about my weight, because it’s not something I’ve ever been worried about. What I’m trying to say is that your reaction to this is more about how you feel about your weight than what the shop assistant thought about you or your weight.

An up and down look is rude, but I expect it was much less about judgement of your weight than you feel it is.

Zara sizing can be all over the place. She was being kind.
Was her age relevant?

I think it's quite usual to try on if possible isn't it?

It might not have been a loaded question at all.

I agree that there seems to be a lot of socially awkward charity shop workers.

I've had plenty of comments about my size and items I've wanted to try on over the years. I just laugh it off. One memorable one was when I went to buy some trousers in France. At the time I was a 12 so I gave the EU equivalent dress size. The woman looked me up and down and said 'non, non, non!' She meant bigger ( sadly for me she was right! )
At a restaurant in Morocco me and my friends went to get a table and the waiter shouted to another ' A table for 5 very large ladies!' I'm not going to speak for the others but I am not very large ( a little large maybe!)

OP I wouldn't give it headspace, just get on with your day. It's been a while since I've worn Zara small so well done!

Agree she could have just as easily thought it might be too big for you rather than too small.

I am thrilled if I fit into an M, I'm more of an L really. Is it such an insult either way? Sizing varies so much I always try on before buying so I'd probably find it a bit odd you didn't want to as well.

Honestly, I think you're reading too much in to it. You are obviously on the sensitive side about your weight but I'd just move on. Even if she did think you look bigger than an S (not smaller / that it was a bad colour on you / other people had tried it on and it didn't fit right on anyone), who cares? Kindly, I'd work on your resilience to situations like this, because they happen all the time, to people of all shapes and sizes.

That was really rude and very cruel!
Well done on your weight loss OP.

I work for a charity (not in our shops) and many of our workers should not be customer facing. They are all older (don't come for me as agist, this is just a fact - I'm 50 and much, much younger than the youngest of my colleagues). However if we don't use them, we don't have anyone. We either accept their rudeness or close the shops because non-paying charity shop positions do not attract hordes and hordes of interviewer's dream candidates. We take pretty much anyone to work there because we don't have any other choice and our charity would not function at all without people who often behave as if they have significant mental impairments.

Well done on your weight loss, that's very impressive but, in a slight thread derailment, at 9 stone I don't get at all how you're fitting into a Zara S! I'm just over 10 stone and tall. In Zara I feel good if I fit into an XL. When I'm trying on I reckon I'm about 5 stone away from an S, Zara sizing being what it is. I have a favourite pair of jeans I haven't fitted into for over ten years, from Zara in a size 16. I have to be a size 10 before I can fit into them. I optimistically tried them on the other day (after having salad for dinner two nights in a row so assuming I must have dropped tonnes, obvs) and I couldn't even pull them over my thighs, never mind do them up.

My tall 11 year old weighs 6 stone. I buy her a Zara size S.

Start telling people like that to F*ck off. Please. For your own sanity.

Why do people on here always have to comment on 'an older lady'? Just wait!

I weight 9 stone and I would be surprised if I fit into a size small so I wouldn't take offense.

I’m a size 14, I was in Tk Maxx a few weeks ago and picked up a size 6 bikini for my teen daughter that was in the sale. Got to the till and the lad says you can’t return this with it being in the sale. I told him that was no problem. It was £3 so would have just sent it to the charity shop if it wasn’t right. He very gently asked if I would like to try it on first 🤣.

Came here to say this. I've not been this weight all my life I've always been big. I've recently lost weight and am now a similar weight. The absolute hardest thing about weight loss I've found is the mental game. You constantly still feel big. Eat one big meal - that's it, I've put 3 stone on again. It's a battle, and really hard work!

OP I'm absolutely sure it the mental game playing tricks with you and not her judging your weight at all Try and be kind to yourself, you've done incredibly well 🥳🥳

I volunteered in a charity shop when I was a teenager (mainly because I fancied a boy who did Saturdays for his college placement) and you really do get a lot of oddballs who work in charity shops! I met some amazing people there and some who were 'better at sorting donations than being on the till' shall we say.

This 100%.

There are many, many clothes in charity shops because for whatever reason, they don't come out the size they are labelled.

This is about your insecurity, and nothing else.

Zara small is too small for me (I’m 9 st 4).
Is it possible others had tried it on and found it too small? Maybe she was trying to spare you disappointment. Don’t give it another thought, glad it fitted!