Comment by woman in charity shop

[HunderBoff]

I went in a charity shop and found a dress I liked. It was on a 'S' hanger but had no price tag on it.

I took it to the till and asked the lady how much it was as it didn't have a tag, she was an older lady so I don't think she heard me as she searched the dress for the (well hidden) manufacturer label and asked me to read it.
I was confused but thought whe wanted to know the brand to price it up. I said 'zara basics, small'

She replied 'its a small then'
I said ' yes I know its a small- the hanger sai- I was asking how much it was as there is no price label'

She said a fiver and I said I would have it.

But then she said 'would you like to try it on?'
I said no as i have plenty of zara dresses in a size small.

And she reached up- pulled her glasses to the end of her nose, looked my up and down (seriously!!) And said 'are you sure you don't want to try it on?'

I was so upset.

Ive lost 8 stone!

I weight 9 stone! And I'm still getting people looking at me like that and making me feel shit about my body :(

I walked out but my husband still bought the dress (which fit perfectly btw!)

I just feel so upset as I thought I was over feeling that way, feeling like other people think im 'big'

I feel it was so rude of her?!

Maybe she knew the dress came up different to standard sizing as Zara sizes are known for being all over the place. I find that their dresses come up really big. She might have been trying to help. Unless you’re very short, at 9 stone you’ll look slim, so no reason to think she was being horrible.

We only have OP's take on this. She may well just have adjusted her glasses to the end of her nose. End of. I know a couple of women who read dirty looks into every innocent facial expression.

MN is full of posts from people who read things into every action. Asking if someone wants to try something on is perfectly normal, in any type of shop selling clothing. There seem to be far more posters who are incapable of dealing with social situations than there are unpleasant charity shop workers!

You are not “big” anymore. You’re have achieved something extraordinary. Don’t let one woman’s rude comment drag you back into old feelings.

She could have just had a day or people returning stuff/ arguing clothes/ had a bad day/ honestly had a certain resting face/ look(!) Congratulations on your weight loss, that’s amazing!

Some people are really being daft here. She wasn’t being kind at all. It’s one thing just saying it’s a size whatever but not to be looking the customer up and down. For all you know it could be for someone else, or they’re planning to lose weight or you’ve just misjudged their size. It’s not your business!

I am comfortable with my weight but I’d be annoyed if someone did this to me if buying a size 8 outfit for example. I have quite a chubby face and big chest so it’s possibly not immediately obvious to some people I can wear a size 8 but my waist and legs are quite slim.

OP, I would report them mainly for the fact that I know people with ED or huge body image issues who would be triggered by this and might go home and binge/purge or just be miserable, so I’d want them to be spoken to so they don’t do this to anyone else

Report her and ignore the people gaslighting on here with the “did she really do that?! Maybe she was just admiring your outfit 🤡”

You know if someone is looking you up and down or not. And it fits in with her pointing out the size and asking if you want to try it on twice. I can’t believe she asked you to read out the size 😌

I weigh over 9 stone and often fit into a zara small - some times xs and sometimes m ir even l. The sizing is a bit bonkers!

I boycott one charity shop now because the assistant was unbeliveably rude, but I have to say that's the only experience like that that I have had.

I was thinking about the male/female difference in this - if I'm in a charity shop with my husband and he picks out something for himself that looks on the small side, I'd say without a second thought 'I think that would be too small for you'. I don't think I'd dream of saying that to a female friend or relative. My husband is very thin - underweight - so whether I would feel differently if he was bigger - but I'd never say it to a woman no matter how slim she was.

I really doubt she meant to be rude. She obviously misunderstood you when you asked about price and had size in her mind - maybe she's recently had a run of people bringing things back because they're the wrong size; maybe her manager has just told her people are terrible about coping with charity shop sizes (they are: some people are utterly unable to understand that one shop's small is another's medium, and charity shops have things from all over).

Unless she also sneered 'you massive fatty' at the end, I really don't think you can make anything of it. Nicely: she doesn't know you've just lost a ton of weight.

All you had to say was "It's not for me it's for someone else".
You having lost 8 stone isn't relevant to the convo, but that's side point.
She only knows item might not meet your needs.

Checking it meets your needs is usually considered good customer service...

If people didn't see being fat as = morally worthless, this whole conversation would be factual not taken as insulting.

Stop being part of the culture that sees fat = bad person, then you can hear the conversation as factual not judgemental.

They're just volunteers at the end of a day re-selling donated clothes for charity, not making money for retail like M&S. I'd have just shrugged and got on with my day.

Not everyone working in charity shops are unpaid volunteers.

She was rude op.

Unfortunately matt people like that are sly, and will only say stuff when they think they can get away with it, or that no-one will challenge them because they hold the same view .
If someone is deliberately rude to a customer then I will escalate it.

Not to nit-pick but you said to her that you had plenty of Zara dresses in size small. So she was correct to interpret it as if you were buying for yourself.

Which makes her even more of a cow as it was definitely rude of her. She was wrong. Please don't let it upset you further. Enjoy the dress!

Very rude, ignore her. Always remember that most nasty comments come from a bitter/unhappy/jealous place, it will help you move on from it. Bet you look and feel amazing!

Agree. It’s a pain for the volunteers if you return stuff.

Well done on your impressive achievement.

Does that apply to all the people calling the assistant a nasty, bitter,jealous old woman?

Overthinking it OP. Maybe she was just tired of returns and people not trying on clothes and coming back and saying it didn't fit. Given you dramatic weight loss I would suggest it is something on your mind and you just took it badly.

Absolutely massive well done on the weight loss!
Quite frankly, the woman is a nasty bitch.
she would have known exactly what she was doing and probably gets a little kick out of it. Her reaction says so much about her.
please don’t let this take the shine off of your accomplishment.

Should have thrown the dress at her and walked out after giving her a mouth full. How bloody rude and judgemental. Wants sacking

Should have thrown the dress at her and walked out after giving her a mouth full. How bloody rude and judgemental. Wants sacking
😆 🤣 😂

Generally if you see a slight where there wasn't one, you're the only one who will be upset.

I'm wondering how much thought the charity shop worker has given to Op since & my guess would be none.

Exactly my thoughts 💯

"But then she said 'would you like to try it on?'
I said no as i have plenty of zara dresses in a size small.
And she reached up- pulled her glasses to the end of her nose, looked my up and down (seriously!!) And said 'are you sure you don't want to try it on?'
I was so upset."