Please help. I am desperate.

[Rainbowl]

Been yoyo dieting for over ten years. Fatter than ever. BMI is 40. Size 20-22 and absolutely fucking miserable with it.

I hate myself. My self esteem is non existent. My marriage lacks intimacy because I can’t stand how I look and feel. I’m a terrible example to my kids. None of my clothes fit. The ones that do are cheap and nasty because I can’t afford to buy nice clothes that will probably be too small soon.

All I think about is my weight. Yet I cannot stop fucking eating. Chocolate mainly. All day. Every day. Constantly grazing on it. Binging too.

Oldest keeps asking if I have a baby in my tummy. I’m always the fattest person in the room. Fattest person in my extended family. I’ve even got a double chin now.

I have tried everything:
Slimming World
Weight Watchers
Slim Pod
Cambridge
Slim Fast
IF
Low carb
Calorie counting
Personal Trainer
Therapy
Not dieting
Brain over Binge
and various other things over the years I’ve probably forgotten about.

Had bloods taken to check for physiological reasons. Not on any medication. No answers there.

Nothing works. I can’t keep the weight off. I am an intelligent, successful woman in her mid-30s who loves cooking and healthy foods and yet cannot stop eating shit. I have a history of depression but other than being completely obsessed and miserable about my weight, my mood is fine.

I don’t know what to do any more. I can’t go on like this. I think I’m going to eat myself to death.

I did an e-consult this morning with the GP saying I was desperate for help. I hoped I’d get a same day appointment but it’s next week. What do I do? What do I say? I’m hoping they can give me injections or surgery because at this point, I’ve given up on being able to do it myself.

Has anyone been in a similar position and can advise please?

I use both, weigh and lose in pounds and set achievable goals. 10lb made a huge difference, I never set a time, just set the 10lb. Then I set the 10% body weight as that apparently does the best for you in terms of achieving better health. Now my bmi is the high end of normal, Im working on losing belly/body fat

I also dont see it as being on a diet, as in restrict for however long, reach said target, then go back to how I was eating and pile it all back on again. Im doing my utmost to keep focussed on a healthy diet for life, so I never deny myself. If I really want crisps Ill have them, but thats it, its no longer crisps at lunch and chocolate in the evening or if I go for KFC or Mc'ds, thats now my meal, I have a light tea to balance it.

End of the day, food that we should be limiting is all around us, and its easy got, and we are used to eating it so I cant see myself living on lettuce all day every day. I have to make room for those foods, not beat myself up for having them, just doing my best to balance it out by making every other morsel in the day is what is classed as healthier

As the weight has dropped I have introduced exercise, just walking and its enough - well for now it is. Its got a lot easier on the back and knees as Im losing and its now second nature and I really enjoy it. It costs nothing, the only equipment required is comfortable footwear. No fancy gym clothes required, just open the front door and thats it. As its now a built in habbit, I actually feel worse the wear if I havent walked for a day or two

I’ve found using bmi as a good motivator too I started off obese ( in the red zone) now I’m half way through orange. Looking forward to green. Also waist measurement It’s now less than half my height so apparently my risk of various diseases reduces. It’s not super speedy though I’m tall so 1 bmi point = 3kg which is a pretty big chunk.

I also use BMI goals and also use KG as for some reason this just feels different to lbs.. there are so many lbs and feels like there are less kg’s!

Thought I’d pop along for a little update if anyone is interested, as I know there were quite a few people who could relate to this thread.

On Tuesday night I decided to go ahead with Mounjaro. I sent my photos in on Wednesday morning and it arrived on Thursday. I took my first dose on Thursday evening. Tonight marks the end of day four. So far I’m 4.5lbs down.

I don’t mean to sound quite so hyperbolic when I say this but I think this drug might save my life. It is healing my mind and my body. I am stunned.

Since Friday morning I have:

1. Not had a single binge
2. Not thought about food other than at mealtimes
3. Been able to have a little bit of chocolate because I fancied it, but not want the rest (without using any willpower)
4. Been able to get out of bed in the morning without feeling anxious about when I was going to get sugar and caffeine in me
5. Not experienced a single hunger pang
6. Felt like I’m eating like a healthy person does

In terms of side effects - nothing major. Dry mouth. Slight headache for a couple of hours on the first day. Sleeping well. No digestive issues.

I don’t think about food. I can eat it (and do!) but I’m not constantly thinking about when I’m next going to have my next chocolate fix. The noise around sugar and junk food has GONE. Food is fuel.

If anyone out there is considering injections, I would say go for it. You know that feeling that you can’t control yourself? This drug gives me that feeling of control, without having to try. At all.

I know it’s very early days. I know there will be bumps along the road. I know I can’t take it forever. I know there will be people who think “yeah but you just put all the weight back on when you stop”.

But. For the first time in ten years I finally feel like I can see a bright future ahead of me. I know it’ll be hard to maintain any loss. I also know that I need this help and I would never have done it on my own. So I’m going to use this (very expensive!) help as to retrain my mind and body to know what it’s like to eat healthily. Now that I’m not obsessing about food, I have the mental energy to evaluate how I got to being in such a bad place with food in the first place, and how to prevent going back to that place again.

It’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt optimistic.

I feel free.

I'm so pleased for you @Rainbowl.

Really happy for you OP, you are clearly a super responder (I am too), and I'm pretty sure I had started to develop insulin resistance (very scary) which is in part why it works so fast and well. Some of the things you wrote makes me think you have insulin resistance too; ie that constant hunger, carb cravings and feeling like you have no control.
For me it's been a miracle drug. In the early days I lost 4-5 lbs/week.
Do drink masses of water as it aids the loss, and get some good quality supplements and omega 3.
I'm about to come off it one year in and 35% less of me, it's scary but I've learnt so much about nutrition, portion sizes, volume eating and my daily energy expenditure, and I'm committed to a calorie controlled diet for the rest of my life. How hard will it be without the appetite suppressing effect I have no idea.

Very pleased for you @Rainbowl !!!
I started the same day as you, due to this thread in part, and have been feeling exactly the same things you describe.
I feel so optimistic about the future!

Fantastic @Rainbowl
Really glad to hear that it's working for you.
Those losses soon add up.

I think your plan is perfect. Wegovy snapped me out of a really unhealthy rut that I was stuck in. I've been in a really healthy routine for months now, am 11lbs from a healthy weight and starting to think about weaning off and going alone. I know it will be tough and just need to keep doing what I'm doing.

@Rainbowl I'm so pleased to read your update!! I'm seriously considering ordering some this week...I've probably gained 4.5 pounds over the easter weekend because I just can't stop myself from binging at night 😵‍💫 x

Thank you @Nepenthe 🙂

Thanks @VanellopeVonSchweetz99 I can’t say I know much of anything about insulin resistance or super responders yet so I’m going to look into it for sure. You’ve done amazingly well - I’m sure you’ll smash maintenance.

Thanks @JanetSnakeholeMacklin - I’m loving the other thread too. So supportive and it’s a comfort knowing I’m not doing it alone. So glad this thread helped you.

Thanks @AhBiscuits (great username). I hope I have a similar journey. Good luck with maintenance. You’ll be great!

@DDisnotnormal bless you. It’s a big decision isn’t it. Is there anyone in real life you think you could talk it through with? Maybe that will help you make a final decision. I do think the jabs could really help you though - we are very similar. You are allowed to prioritise yourself 💐

I ordered some this afternoon and its on its way!! 😬😅 I'm out till around 4 tomorrow so just hoping it arrives after that...didn't think it would be so quick!! I still might wait until after my blood tests on Sunday but I just want to try it now so I'll probably do it on the evening it arrives!

I'm a little concerned that it won't be as affective for me and I'll feel like a failure. I spiraled after the adhd medication that I tried last year. I'd pinned all my hopes on a magic pill so when in inevitably didnt work I hit a new low!! I know I need lots of therapy too but as the therapist I spoke to last year said...I need to deal with one thing at a time and my weight and how horrible I feel because of it is definitely the biggest noise at the moment!!! Just need to get over my fear of injecting myself now!!! 😅 x

@DDisnotnormal

Honestly just stab it, you won't feel it 🤣

I had to check it was in and still do everytime as I just can't feel it and I hate needles but its so tiny and thin that it's just... Not there haha

I do it in the tummy, don't look just grab my flab and stab myself, then I look to make sure it's actually in haha

I've just taken my first dose!!! Didn't feel the needle at all...did it in my stomach so I think the fast amount of spare flab protected me 😅 Let the journey begin!!! x

Amazing @DDisnotnormal and well done!! Come and join us on the main MJ thread if you haven’t already (I am useless at remembering who is who on here sometimes !)

@Rainbowl I've been lurking on the mounjaro thread but not posted anything yet. I'll probably do an update on there after my first week!

I've not been feeling too bad so far, just a small amount of nausea but it's bearable. I've still felt hungry but only when I've not eaten for hours so I should feel hungry! I'm guessing that's how people that don't have issues with weight management keep their weight under control!!! I've also noticed I don't want sweet things. Iin fact the thought of overly sweet things is turning my stomach at the minute... long may it continue 😅 Hope all is still going well for you x

I'm on Wegovy, and it's been amazing. I don't snack and my meals are half the size as before (yet I'm fully satisfied and never feel as though I'm missing out). I can still have some chocolate as a treat, but just a little is truly satisfying. I never thought I'd be able to treat food this way. On WW and SW I would be really good for a few weeks and then fall off the wagon and binge and ruin all of my good work. On Wegovy, no danger of that. I reckon I offset lots of the cost by spending much less on food.

This is the best thing about it. You genuinely don't feel like you're on a diet!

Sorry! I should have read to the bottom before commenting! It's a wonder drug isn't it!! Amazing the change of tone and how positive you sound after only 4 days!! Good luck!!! ❤️