Please help. I am desperate.

[Rainbowl]

Been yoyo dieting for over ten years. Fatter than ever. BMI is 40. Size 20-22 and absolutely fucking miserable with it.

I hate myself. My self esteem is non existent. My marriage lacks intimacy because I can’t stand how I look and feel. I’m a terrible example to my kids. None of my clothes fit. The ones that do are cheap and nasty because I can’t afford to buy nice clothes that will probably be too small soon.

All I think about is my weight. Yet I cannot stop fucking eating. Chocolate mainly. All day. Every day. Constantly grazing on it. Binging too.

Oldest keeps asking if I have a baby in my tummy. I’m always the fattest person in the room. Fattest person in my extended family. I’ve even got a double chin now.

I have tried everything:
Slimming World
Weight Watchers
Slim Pod
Cambridge
Slim Fast
IF
Low carb
Calorie counting
Personal Trainer
Therapy
Not dieting
Brain over Binge
and various other things over the years I’ve probably forgotten about.

Had bloods taken to check for physiological reasons. Not on any medication. No answers there.

Nothing works. I can’t keep the weight off. I am an intelligent, successful woman in her mid-30s who loves cooking and healthy foods and yet cannot stop eating shit. I have a history of depression but other than being completely obsessed and miserable about my weight, my mood is fine.

I don’t know what to do any more. I can’t go on like this. I think I’m going to eat myself to death.

I did an e-consult this morning with the GP saying I was desperate for help. I hoped I’d get a same day appointment but it’s next week. What do I do? What do I say? I’m hoping they can give me injections or surgery because at this point, I’ve given up on being able to do it myself.

Has anyone been in a similar position and can advise please?

Telling yourself that you're addicted to unhealthy food isn't going to help you (and it also isn't true, in the strict definition of addiction) because you're telling yourself nothing can change and it's out of your control.

I don't think this necessarily follows. There are ways to beat all kinds of addictive behaviours, and the resources I mentioned are extremely helpful.

Ultimately, looking after ourselves is the best way there is to facilitate a healthy future. Is there a guarantee - no, of course not. But one only needs to look around and see what happens if we don't take careof ourselves. Diabetes, cardiovascular disease, joint and mobility issues.....

Well you're relying on motivation that's why you keep failing. You lack the discipline needed to get the job done permanently.

Motivation is very powerful but it lasts weeks maybe less. You have to learn to have the discipline and self restraint around food you don't have currently.

I could have written your first post, nothing works and I'm just getting bigger and bigger. Whilst googling weight loss meds I came across second nature, like a PP mentioned. I have to say it's been brilliant. I'm on week 4 and my mindset has been altered so much. Highly recommend it and you can get referred on the NHS. I got mine via my health insurance (vitality) and it's been the best money I've spent in a very long time.

It's shit feeling like this, I know only too well. Building small habits and sustaining them will give you the results, just don't expect a quick fix because it doesn't work!

Have you got any advice on how to be more disciplined, please?

I’m having a look at second nature now, thanks to those who have suggested.

I'm a week into Mounjaro.
I'm a pretty dedicated binge eater.
It's stopped me constantly thinking about food, planning what to eat and eating it. My first official weigh in is tomorrow but I think it's a loss of maybe 3lbs..not massively for a first week but incredible given not once have I felt I'm on a diet, I'm not even needing to watch what I eat, I'm just eating less and don't even fancy the so called naughty stuff.
Yes it's expensive, about £40 a week. But honestly I'll save that in wine and takeaway and not buying a coffee and cake when out etc.
I already feel optimistic that it's a life changer for me.

Definitely not, in fact you would probably be sick. I can't eat a large volume of food and I can't eat high fat food or I feel absolutely terrible. It's not a hardship though as I have no desire to eat these things.

You need a solution that is permanent and helps you to find your inner strength and willpower to do this every day again, an equivalent of AA for alcoholics. Going on diet and then stopping it or just indulging at weekends or whatever crap is like telling a heroin addict fresh out of rehab that it’s okay to take a bit of heroin here and there from now on because they are clean!

I’m sure that the weight loss meds will work, just like all other diets in your case - the moment you stop taking them, you risk end up going back to old habits.

I would second hypnosis. I listen to Paul MacKenna hypnotic gastric band. I’ve dropped nearly 7kg since Christmas and my bmi is down to 27.4, I plan on keeping it up till I hit my normal bmi. Then trying for my gym bunny years weight. I can not stay awake so always listen at bedtime.

Make smaller changes and stick with them before adding more. You can't do a full 180 on your diet/lifestyle overnight because if you could then you wouldn't have made this post.

I imagine you're getting swept up in a swell of ambition and taking on too much too soon, have a bad day and then think fuck this I can't do it.

You can do it. But it's slow and boring but that's the way you'll get success. The best advice I can give you is to always bear in mind you didn't get obese overnight! it took years, you're not going to fix the situation overnight either. It will take years. There will be bumps in the road and that's perfectly fine and normal but if you have more good days than bad slowly but surely you will get there.

I’m also really struggling with my weight. My doctor has referred me to 12 weeks free slimming world. I don’t think they offer any weight loss jabs, they’re too expensive.

Search the YES/NO list no sugar detox and stick to it. You'll feel great.

You’re going to get so many different plans and view points offered on here. Truth is if you don’t love yourself you won’t nourish your body. No matters what the plan, you have to start to feel thankful & gain a bit of love for your body. Don’t get to your 50’s in the same cycle of self loathing & self sabotage.

@GoldenGumballs so true. As the saying goes 'you can't hate yourself healthy.'

Go plant based.
I lost 6 stone in 12 months from changing to a plant based diet, and cutting out UPFs. I still eat a lot of carbs, but my proteins are beans, lentils, tofu etc lots and lots of veg. Cut the snacking, if you do snack stick to fruit and nuts. all carbs are wholewheat, homemade when possible with an 18 month old.
My usual day is:
Porridge with raisins and oat milk or toast with peanut butter
Pitta or wrap with 1/2 tin of beans (kidney or black beans as they're the highest in iron) and lots of veg, and green veg especially, fry the beans and wraps with garlic powder and other spices of your choice.
Dinner is lentil bolognaise, lentil cottage pie, chickpea curry, pesto pasta, bean chilli nachos (use tortilla wraps and bake them in the oven), stir fry with tofu, homemade pizza etc etc
I kept the weight off for 5 years, pregnancy then put 3 stone on me. I've now lost 2.5 stone in 8 months from the same diet albeit I had a few more "cheat days" since then.
another thing that worked for me was having 1-2 cheat days a week, where we would buy a pizza from a supermarket with extra sides or get a takeaway or eat lunch out and buy cake for after dinner, and the rest of the week being very mindful of my food choices.

I joined a gym that does motivational interviewing for weight loss. And they are nice to you. Help you to priorize your weight loss and go regularly.

To add, the cheat days seemed to jump start my metabolism, on weeks I didn't have cheat day I wouldn't lose much if anything and on weeks where I had a more relaxed day or two I would lose more.

Can the gp refer you to a dietitian? When I had gestational diebetes she really helped me.
Have you looked at the diet advice in the diabetes Uk website this helped me lose two stone. So did walking for 20 mins even round the house after every meal

Do you drink? If so quit for at least three months

Can you get the Zoe blood sugar thing? Measuring my blood sugar scared me into making changes

Anything I try will work at first, I can lose weight. I just can’t stay motivated for long enough to lose enough and keep it off.

This is the problem. All diets work in the short term. But when you stop and revert back to old eating habits, you will regain the weight and more.

What you need is a way of eating that doesn't feel like a diet. And you need your weight loss to be permanent. This means that quick fixes are a no no.

Because they not sustainable.

To be sustainable, it has to be (1) easy; no weighing, calorie counting, points, coloured days or any other fads and (2) to not feel hungry

Find something that you can sustain for ever. That's the trick.

We spend years yo yo dieting so why not, instead, spend years getting it off and keeping it off. Even if all you lose is 1lb, it stays off forever and you wait for the next 1lb to go. They soon add up if you're not really thinking about them.

Don't rush it. Remember, it took years to get here, let your body adjust naturally.

I'm only aiming to lose 1lb a month. Sounds like not enough right? But over a year that's 12lb, two years 24lb, 3 years 36lb and so on. If you had started this 3 years ago, you could be 2.5 stone lighter by now.

I follow Dr Jenkinson's Why We Eat Too Much.

For me, it's perfect. I have bacon and cherry tomatos fried in butter for breakfast. Yum. I am never hungry. This way of eating makes perfect sense to me and I've lost 20lb in a year without even thinking that I'm 'on a diet'.

Even if you think it's not for you, I would recommend reading his book anyway, as it explains really well why we gain weight easily and find it so hard to lose.

Binge on fruit instead. Fruit is sugary.
Are you on antidepressants? Some make you eat junk.

Bingeing on nuts fruit and low fat yogurt you still have to lose weight.

I've lost 2 stone since Christmas and gone from a 20 to a 16 by cutting out UPFS and sugar. I eat a few minimally processed foods but 90% of my diet is now whole food. I can't believe how much I can eat and still lose weight.
I feel much better physically, I can walk without getting puffed, the aches and pains have reduced, and the heartburn that I had nearly constantly has completely gone.
I have another 2 stone to go, but this is a life long change for me. I'll never go back to eating all that crap again. I don't want it. I'd prefer to feel healthy.

I got a referral to Second Nature by my GP last September, it is basically low carbing. You don't get your own dietician but there are health coaches giving general advice on various topics but not really on a one to one to one basis. Also I haven't seen anything about it supporting injections.
I lost about 6lbs then was at a plateau for 2 months . Like most diets you are cutting something out and when you have it again you realise how good it tasted and binge on it then blow the diet. Im sure there will be a someone popping up to tell me it's not a diet but a way of life.

I went back on calorie counting but after losing only 2lbs on 1200 cals a day after a month, I am now considering the injection.