Please help. I am desperate.

[Rainbowl]

Been yoyo dieting for over ten years. Fatter than ever. BMI is 40. Size 20-22 and absolutely fucking miserable with it.

I hate myself. My self esteem is non existent. My marriage lacks intimacy because I can’t stand how I look and feel. I’m a terrible example to my kids. None of my clothes fit. The ones that do are cheap and nasty because I can’t afford to buy nice clothes that will probably be too small soon.

All I think about is my weight. Yet I cannot stop fucking eating. Chocolate mainly. All day. Every day. Constantly grazing on it. Binging too.

Oldest keeps asking if I have a baby in my tummy. I’m always the fattest person in the room. Fattest person in my extended family. I’ve even got a double chin now.

I have tried everything:
Slimming World
Weight Watchers
Slim Pod
Cambridge
Slim Fast
IF
Low carb
Calorie counting
Personal Trainer
Therapy
Not dieting
Brain over Binge
and various other things over the years I’ve probably forgotten about.

Had bloods taken to check for physiological reasons. Not on any medication. No answers there.

Nothing works. I can’t keep the weight off. I am an intelligent, successful woman in her mid-30s who loves cooking and healthy foods and yet cannot stop eating shit. I have a history of depression but other than being completely obsessed and miserable about my weight, my mood is fine.

I don’t know what to do any more. I can’t go on like this. I think I’m going to eat myself to death.

I did an e-consult this morning with the GP saying I was desperate for help. I hoped I’d get a same day appointment but it’s next week. What do I do? What do I say? I’m hoping they can give me injections or surgery because at this point, I’ve given up on being able to do it myself.

Has anyone been in a similar position and can advise please?

[I had my previous reply deleted as I was confusing this thread with another one]

We're all behind you, OP, whichever method you choose. You can do this.

I eat a few minimally processed foods but 90% of my diet is now whole food. I can't believe how much I can eat and still lose weight.

I know, it's great isn't it. I can eat potatoes, even potatoes roasted in fat, cook with lard, eat full fat cheese and even cream. As much as I want. And I still lose weight. Don't even have to think about it.

I was you op. Weight loss surgery. Wish id done it two decades earlier and not dicked about with stupid diets which probably cost the same. Once I had the realisation I should've done it I had it within six weeks.

For transparency -
I started with a BMI of 48 at 22.5 stone. I got down to just under 11 stone but was skinny.

Cost £10k in the UK. I commited to changing my diet and doing it by the book.

Almost five years and three rounds of IVF later I weigh 12 stone which I've maintained for a year and a bit. BMI 27, a few points of which I reckon is loose skin!! Would like to shift half a stone now I'm done with IVF but am not sweating it.

I eat really healthy whole unprocessed foods and exercise (for mental and physical health but not weight loss as I don't believe it makes any real difference).

I am so much happier but have now also given up alcohol.

I did Mysimba (tablets). I costs areound £100 a month, so much cheaper than the jabs and I lost three stone. Itkilled my cravings for sweet things and also reduced my appetite. I'd really recommend it.

Would you still say the same with the advent of Wegovy and similar, @Bingowingo1 ? I mean if you were in that position now wouldn't you try Wegovy first, or maybe not?

I might have tried it, yes. Who knows. Maybe it would have worked, maybe I'd have yoyod with that too. But I'd be signing up for life I imagine given what

I now understand and believe to be true about weight set point and the metabolisms of previously obese people.

If had both options in front of me now, I'd still go weight loss surgery

That's interesting, thanks.

This kind of article/research convinced me. Also Why We Eat Too Much and Burn books and similar (sorry, can't remember what I read pre surgery and post surgery as it fueled my interest!)

This article from 2016 in the new York times:

www.nytimes.com/2016/05/02/health/biggest-loser-weight-loss.html

I can't give you any advice but just wanted to say that what jumps out at me from these posts is that you are brave, honest and kind (to others just not kind to yourself!). Show your honesty and bravery at your GP appointment, tell it like it is. If you feel that you can't get it all out write it down, ask questions and write them down too. Ask about the treatments you are interested in trying. It does sound like you need some help to get started and they are there to help you. Good luck Op, this is the first step and could change your life x

I was exactly you. I started mounjaro (spelling?) A week ago and I've lost 7lbs already because I'm not obsessed with food any more just practical choices for lunch and dinner.

The biggest part of weight loss is your head. There are hundreds of different solutions and tools to aid weight loss but if your head is not in the game you are never going to do it. Believe me I speak from experience and when my head is in the game I say to my husband, I just need to stick at this as long as possible whilst my head is in the game because my head can very easily be out of the game in a week or two!

I calorie counted and quit booze entirely and lost 3 stone (really wanted to lose 4 stone but started relaxing after 3 stone because I felt much better}, quitting the alcohol wasn't easy but I knew that it was the only thing that would properly keep me on track with weight loss. I mainly stuck to that weight for about 2 years but over the course of end of 2023 - early 24 I kept creeping up until I was 8lbs heavier again, all my new clothes were really tight and I was feeling miserable again, so I took a deep breath and started properly calorie counting again in a reasonable deficit and have gone on to lose that 8lbs plus a further 4 and hoping to keep going to lose another 6-8lbs.

We all know what to do, but until you give yourself a proper look in the mirror and say there is only one person who can change this for me and that is me and I am prepared to do what I need to do to make it work (and for it to take as long as it takes), it isn't going to happen.

The only thing that worked for me was Noom. It was ridiculous but worked. Really worth a try if you're stuck as I thought it was impossible to change my mindset. I lost about 4.5 stone on it and started on the first day of a holiday which I thought was impossible. Lost weight for the first time ever on holiday. Genuinely didn't feel deprived. But it's long term. I still weigh myself every day so it doesn't sneak up on me...

I’m thinking of trying this for a few weeks at least. I’ve always wanted to go plant-based.

It gave me terrible
Mood swings. I wish it didn't but I genuinely felt a different personality creep in when I took them.

Where do you get it?

Keto is the only way to stop food cravings and bingeing. It has worked for hundreds of thousands of people.

I completely relate to everything you have said OP. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've nearly applied for weightloss injections 3 times since yesterday but my health anxiety is stopping me - I lost my partner 2 years ago so I'm the only parent left for my children. I'm willing to pay for the medication but I want the support of my gp so I can be monitored but realistically I know I'm going to get fobbed off by them and that's if I'm lucky enough to even get an appointment...the system is broken and it makes me very sad. I hope you're appointment goes well and your gp is able to offer some support...you deserve it x

@Loubilou23 has it right. Your head HAS to be in it. I've lost so many years to obesity and feeling and looking rubbish. I've had a couple of moments when I've summoned the will power to lose a bit. A year ago my bmi was over 40 - something like 43 - worse than you OP. Suddenly it was like a switch was flicked when I saw 118kg on the scales. I'm now 68kg and bmi is 25. I need to lose another stone. I decided I HAD to do this and followed the Fast 800 diet and ignored all the family around me and just made my own meals. What I don't know is how you flick that switch and turn on absolute will power mode.

I even considered weight loss surgery. But then thought that's still dieting so you need to be able to commit to the diet whatever. I have another stone to lose and every single day is hard. Every single day (and you'd have thought after a year I'd somehow have weaned myself off wanting all the junk food) I would love crisps and chocolate and toast. But I make myself not.

I can suggest Fast 800 but it's pretty brutal - and I'm sure anything will work if you can summon the determination, I need brutal. Also I felt humiliated at work for being the fattest person there - it wasn't who I wanted to be. Maybe that helped flick the switch. Good luck OP - there's lots of threads here to join (the 10 stone plus to lose is good as you don't have people weighing 10 stone dropping in often).

What I don't know is how you flick that switch and turn on absolute will power mode.

Interesting point, I've been thinking about this a lot myself recently, especially since I've been reading a lot of threads from people asking for help. They mostly (not always) know what they should be doing, what they are actually asking is how to flip this "switch" that you describe. 🤔

I've been posting what I did but really I should post what flipped the switch for me, but actually it's hard to identify or quantify.

For me it was seeing that number on the scales - the biggest number ever....but why it hadn't hit me earlier or at any other 'big' number along the way I don't know!! I've spent many years in despair knowing what to do but not doing.

Maybe it's a combination of things getting really bad/really wanting it/health epiphany??

I'd just turned 50 this time last year and felt truly awful. Very fat and very old. Felt like my last chance to have a bash. Also I knew this was a long task ahead.

It's embarrassing to admit but for me I think it was that I was too ashamed to meet up with an online friend when they were in the area. Having said that, I had also missed a friend's wedding for the same reason and that didn't flip the switch. We should start a "switch flipping moment" thread.

Do some research into wegovy. Some of us are on a threat about it. I'm day 5 and it's been miraculous as I just don't feel the need to eat like I used to. Granted its probably psychosomatic at the moment but I've lost 3.6lb in 5 days so I don't really care! For reference I've got 3 stone to lose to be at a normal BMI and I'm funding it myself as I'm not big enough for it to be considered on the NHS.

I'm another one who has tried it.

It's better than I expected and feel the changes are going to stick.

It's worth a shot, especially if you can get it prescribed on an NHS presciption!

Maybe try this first before any surgery or medication. You can always try further measures if after the 12 week course you still feel the same.

Eating the healthy fats and loads of veg has definitely improved my mental health as well. It's not just about the weightloss gains. There are other gains to be had, like just feeling better in yourself.

Good luck OP 👍 you can do it, you just need some support.

Thanks to those who have suggested Noom and Fast800. I’ve also done both of those 🤦🏼‍♀️😢

Agree @chalkyc2 and those who have echoed. The switch. Most diets will work, some more effective than others. But none of that matters if I don’t know how to flick the switch. I’m scared it will never flick or it’ll be too late. I guess it’s a bit like an alcoholic needing to hit their rock bottom.

I get a free health assessment every year with BUPA through work and for years I’ve almost been hoping for some scary results on the diabetes and heart attack risk profiles they do. Hoping, because I hope that it’ll scare me into doing something. Same with my most recent blood tests - I was almost disappointed not to have pre-diabetes. WTF? Ridiculous isn’t it?

I don’t know how to flick the switch

Hypnosis/hypnotherapy.