Please help. I am desperate.

[Rainbowl]

Been yoyo dieting for over ten years. Fatter than ever. BMI is 40. Size 20-22 and absolutely fucking miserable with it.

I hate myself. My self esteem is non existent. My marriage lacks intimacy because I can’t stand how I look and feel. I’m a terrible example to my kids. None of my clothes fit. The ones that do are cheap and nasty because I can’t afford to buy nice clothes that will probably be too small soon.

All I think about is my weight. Yet I cannot stop fucking eating. Chocolate mainly. All day. Every day. Constantly grazing on it. Binging too.

Oldest keeps asking if I have a baby in my tummy. I’m always the fattest person in the room. Fattest person in my extended family. I’ve even got a double chin now.

I have tried everything:
Slimming World
Weight Watchers
Slim Pod
Cambridge
Slim Fast
IF
Low carb
Calorie counting
Personal Trainer
Therapy
Not dieting
Brain over Binge
and various other things over the years I’ve probably forgotten about.

Had bloods taken to check for physiological reasons. Not on any medication. No answers there.

Nothing works. I can’t keep the weight off. I am an intelligent, successful woman in her mid-30s who loves cooking and healthy foods and yet cannot stop eating shit. I have a history of depression but other than being completely obsessed and miserable about my weight, my mood is fine.

I don’t know what to do any more. I can’t go on like this. I think I’m going to eat myself to death.

I did an e-consult this morning with the GP saying I was desperate for help. I hoped I’d get a same day appointment but it’s next week. What do I do? What do I say? I’m hoping they can give me injections or surgery because at this point, I’ve given up on being able to do it myself.

Has anyone been in a similar position and can advise please?

For me it was the decision to put myself first. I don't think women on the whole are very good at that. There's always some occasion where it would seem rude to say you don't want to go as you know you will self sabotage.

I promised to gift myself a year. Put myself first for a whole year and do what was best for me. That way it was a treat. A real, special, self pampering treat.

I was almost disappointed not to have pre-diabetes. WTF? Ridiculous isn’t it?

This is almost like self harm.

I think you should try the one thing you haven't OP - self love.

Oops

I'm sorry but: Wegovy.
I was you (but older) a year ago. The thing about the big cheap nasty clothes struck a chord. And wanting to be the best possible version of me, for the kids, and myself.
I'm an early adopter of semaglutide injections for weight loss and who knows what will happen with my maintenance long term, but for me it's been a miracle drug. I have lost 35% of my body weight in a year and gone from size 20 to size 10 with very few, manageable side effects. It's been life changing at 50+, in every area of life (children, marriage, work, self esteem), like a second lease of life. And at your age your body and skin will bounce back beautifully.
You can't stop eating crap now = you probably have insulin resistance which is an awful negative spiral. Always hungry, always craving chocolate/carby snacks.
Willpower has very little to do with it. The jab seems to rewire the brain as well as slowing down gastric emptying and the appetite suppression makes it very doable to go into calorie deficit. It still takes effort and planning and I've had days of feeling a bit hungrier than I'd like to, but it's not been hellish. I wanted to give it my all and make the most of the investment.
I'm lucky enough that it worked well for me and yes, I've still really enjoyed lovely meals out, holidays and my favorite treats. Just smaller quantities. I like the flavor but I can stop, I want to stop. Food chatter is gone. Going forward I am committed to lifestyle changes, calorie counting and portion control because I never want to go back to the way I was.
Bariatric surgery was never an option for me, it seems too risky and intrusive but each to their own.
Very best of luck to you.

I’m only 3 weeks in but mounjaro is giving me my life back.

OP I think you’ll find your answer in wegovy or mounjaro. Please let us know how you get on.

The cheap, nasty clothes resonated with me too. It's so miserable wearing something you hate just because it fits.
Clothes shopping is the absolute best part about weight loss, although my bank balance would not agree 😬

For those of you saying about the ‘switch’ and self love etc I completely get you. I have had the switch a few times. Also went down the self love road. The problem for me was keeping that up. I had six stone to lose. I’d lose around two. Then couldn’t keep going. Which I always attributed to weakness and me being a failure. Having read the Why We Eat (Too Much) I now understand a bit more about that and don’t blame myself. For those who can stick it out and keep going I applaud you - I couldn’t.

@DialEmforMurder - the recommendations for food intake with semaglutide drugs is to increase your intake of protein and fibre so to go low carb as it were. It’s not all about the hunger suppression. That actually tails off eventually. You do need to change what you eat as well. Which is so much easier to do when taking the medication.

Definitely! I love being able to buy from normal ranges not plus size. I’m still a 16 but it’s so much better. And smaller knickers! I love that my knickers and leggings take up so much less space on the airer!

In a way, though, we should be able to dress well and look good at any size. There are people who do just that, I suppose they are happy at a larger size, and the positive energy radiates off them. But it seems to be a different case when you're unhappy at a larger size.

I can't fix the underlying problem but my top dieting tip is always to get enough sleep. If this means lying in bed til lunchtime at the weekend, so be it. If you're hungry in the evening, go to bed.

@Rainbowl I was the same. I’ve lost a vast amount of weight over the last 4 years. I’ve got a thread on here (“I am 9ish stone down today”) and you can PM me if you like.

I know how hard it is. I was 23 stone and miserable. I’m currently 12.7 and still going, I never thought I’d be able to say that.

PM me if you like.

Thank you all, I really appreciate the support and think there are some really interesting discussion points.

@Eyesopenwideawake
Honestly, I just don’t think hypnosis/hypnotherapy is going to work for me, I’m just to closed minded to that sort of thing. Something to consider though.

@WallaceinAnderland
It is self harm, isn’t it.
I’ve not loved myself for a very long time. I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to be a better version of myself. Constantly criticising myself for not getting a better degree, a better job, not being tidy enough, not having enough friends etc etc. my mind is in constant overdrive with this stuff.

Physically, I haven’t liked myself for years now either. Used to have a lovely hour glass figure and a size 10-12. Two kids later and my previously big, pert boobs are now saggy empty spaniel’s ears. My previously shapely bum is now enormously wide but flat. My flat stomach is now huge. My arms are fat, my wrists are fat. Evans wide fit shoes don’t fit. I can’t wear my engagement, wedding or eternity rings anymore. I just hate my body and my mind is constantly criticising me all the time. It’s hard for me to love me.

@VanellopeVonSchweetz99
Thank you, your story is really inspiring

@waistchallenge
I totally agree. Some bigger people have this wonderful confidence and wear their bodies with pride. I genuinely applaud them! My body doesn’t seem to wear anything well now. I am only 5ft 4.5in and don’t carry the weight well enough/in any of the right places. I also find most clothes so uncomfortable. I haven’t worn jeans since my last pregnancy because they are no longer comfortable. I live in leggings and tunic tops.

@bahhamburgers

Thank you, I’ll look for your thread.

So I had my appointment with the GP this afternoon.

I found it quite difficult to be completely honest with her about how I feel because she was as big as me, if not bigger. I tried, but I also found it hard to say “I hate myself because I’m so fat” to someone also very fat.

She didn’t weigh me or anything. She honed in on my mood and wants to focus on that first. I told her I thought I was now in “depressed because I’m fat” territory as well as “fat because I’m depressed” and that I felt desperate to do something about my weight asap because I am out of control. She dismissed this and insisted we needed to use baby steps.

I’m quite disappointed really. I know my mood isn’t great but I also know that the last thing I need right now is baby steps. She was quite patronising too, which annoyed me.

So yeah, basically she prescribed antidepressants, said we would look at weight management “later” - seemingly not appreciating that the first thing I said was “I am at crisis point with my weight and I’m desperate for help”.

Anyway. I’ve decided to start injections. Does anyone know if it’s ok to start Fluoxetine and Wegovy or Mounjaro at the same time? I am quite happy to take antidepressants (Fluoxetine has helped in the past) but if it’s one or the other I’m going to go for the injections first.

Have you tried the Virtual Gastric Band App?

IT's hypnotherapy. Worked for me in the past.

Empathy here, I used to lose but never sustain. Now post menopause can't even lose. 😭.

Is wavy wavy drug suitable for anybody?

Sorry to hear this OP.
Yes I think those two drugs would interact unfortunately.
I've reliably used QuickMeds for over a year and you get to fill in a consultation form online asking about your mental health and depression, among many other things.
I don't know how "honest" you should be.
You sound sensible to me and like you have a better understanding of your current difficulties than she could have had after that one quick (and dare I say biased) consultation.
I hope you do the right thing for you. Feel free to DM me. I've also posted a lot on the "for us a few months in" threads, they are very supportive places, but not as active any more as many of us "oldies" are now at target weight and stopping the jab.

My friend who’s slightly slimmer than you has had issues for years. She’s now on keto and after almost a month has lost 13 llb and wishes she’d done it sooner and finds it easy to follow. Her doctor wanted to try her on Ozempic but she preferred to try this.

Aahhh OP, that's a poor consultation with your GP in my opinion, for all the reasons that you e already mentioned.

Is it a GP medical centre with more GP's? If so, you're fully within you're rights to seek a second consultation with a different GP and tell them the truth - that you felt unable to open up and that you're mood wasn't explored more. Whacking you on fluoxetine isn't necessarily the best first option.

Go back x

I think you need to proceed with caution with the injectibles where you have depression. There's some evidence that they can exacerbate low mood and trigger suicidal thoughts.

Honestly, get on Mounjaro. Your weight is a health issue as well as an appearance one. Obesity is a disease - I know people hate that but all the serious scientists in the field agree - and Mounjaro is the best medication we have for the disease. Give it three months. Will cost about £600 or less and could change your life.

@Rainbowl sorry to hear this 😢 I know the NHS is stretch but the antidepressants cop out from a lot of doctors is just not good enough when it comes to mental health. I've taken a few different ones over the years, without much success because its highly likely that my undiagnosed adhd was causing the anxiety and depression!! You can't even get decent talking therapy...I basically got told they had nothing suitable for me when my partner died because there was so much trauma surrounding it but that's a whole other thread!! I'm not sure about taking antidepressants and weightloss injections at the same time. There are sites on Google that say which drugs interact with each other or maybe a pharmacist could help 🤔 Boots do the injections so if you have a local boots chemist if might be worth asking...you would hope they know!!

I'm not really expecting much from my visit if I'm honest but I'm going to request full blood works and a HBC1 for diabetes and ask if they think I'll be OK taking mounjaro or wegovy...not sure if I will get an answer but worth a try.

I really hope the injections help you if you do take them. You sound in exactly the same place that I am with it all and it bloody miserable. It really isn't as easy as eat less move more!!x

Sorry, just to add to my last post. Antidepressants do have a place and I'm not anti antidepressants in the right circumstances. I just wish they weren't the only thing doctors used to treat poor mental health 😔 I truly hope they help you @Rainbowl x

I think you should go with mounjaro op. There are some good starting deals if you look around. Voy do a 50% off first order. MedExpress do 25% off first order for new customers. You could try a month and see how you get on. Mounjaro has hardly any side effects compared to Wegovy and has a higher rate of loss. Check out the mornjaro and wegovy threads on at the moment and then decide if you want to try injection weight loss.

I understand completely where you are coming from. It takes an enormous amount of willpower to start a diet and then keep going on a diet for years...to get to the weight you want. The injection is a tool that will help you stick to your diet. You can eat healthily and reduce your portions and the drug helps you do that.

I really expected everyone to say she must be right and I should listen to her - so I’m relieved most of you think she didn’t really get it either. Thank you!

It’s a shame as this is a fairly new GP surgery for us as we relocated last year. I know my old GPs would have done things differently. They were so so good and we were so lucky. I can’t complain too much about the new place as I got an appointment quickly but I just didn’t feel heard. It took so much courage to make the appointment in the first place and now I feel like I wasted their time and mine!

I don’t think I’m going to take the fluoxetine if there are contraindications to taking both. I know myself pretty well, I know I need to start losing weight before anything else right now. My weight has slowly crept up over the years but I know I’m at my limit in terms of what I can cope with.

Perfect, thanks for this! My next questions I had in my mind were which one to go with and where to get it from so you’ve helped answer those already!