Lazy pig seeks other lazy pigs to lose 1lb a week.

[Mañanarama]

Ok, this starts on Monday, as I have a steak pie and mash and yorkies to eat tomorrow. Will also heroically finish the Christmas chocolate so it’s out of the house. Once that’s all achieved, I’m good to go.

I need and must lose at least one pound a week until April. That’s about a stone.

Shouldn’t be too hard, right? Wrong. I’m basically fucking lazy, I hate exercise, hate going out in bad weather and am a total gluttonous food guzzling pig. And probably peri menopausal. And I sit at a desk all day. And a million other pathetic excuses why I’ve not shifted this weight in 2022 like I said I would.

I can’t be the only one who’s got sod all willpower, so who’s up to being fully accountable to this thread?

Lazy pigs like me especially welcome. Weigh in Monday morning.

Oh yeas, that's me!
Bought myself a weighted hula hoop at the end of summer- it got broke after two days of using it, never been replaced since.
Gone but never forgotten.🕊

And that's pretty much all my exercising attempts...

You have found your way to your spiritual sty! RIP hula hoop, how did it break? Did you mistake it for the crisp variety and take a bite?

Arming my place for inspiration later. I'm fatter than I've been in my whole life & need to shift some of it.

Can I join? Have a stone to lose and two small children who are determined to prevent me from doing so. Although the little one does help by still breastfeeding. It's my 40th in July and I'd love to be a svelte pig instead of a lardy one.

Changes I am making:
No exercise -> walk sometimes more
No more ribena
Full fat milk -> skimmed milk
Two lattes a day -> one a day with an extra shot because I needs ze caffeine
Chocolate intake to total 100 cals a day max
No biscuits
No crisps
And the big one ... no eating between meals

This morning I had a boiled egg and rye soldiers for breakfast, then minestrone with oatcakes and two satsumas for lunch. Dinner is salmon and vegetables. Some chocolate afterwards so I don't Feel Sad.

Morning weigh in done, 10 stone 1, yikes that is heaviest I have ever been. Had bacon and eggs for breakfast (low carbs, high protein). Not sure about lunch yet, thinking of chicken and veggies for tea.

Hi fellow LPs

I've stated off badly, I forgot to weigh myself. So essentially today doesn't count anyway. Then i had a breakfast of greggs pasty and a coffee. Bit of a rush this morning.

I'm on the classic mumsnet spa day. I have a week off before i start my new job, most of it will be spent on boring domestic shit but today is for me (and my mum).

Lunch of burger, chips & SALAD. With prosecco. Does the salad make up for the other crap or does it just get me kicked out of the Lazy Pigs club? It was a side salad if that helps.

In terms of exercise I've done 4 lengths of the pool and a good 10 minutes of the aquafit class. I then went in the sauna which obviously has me burning 100s of calories for the rest of the day. Basically I'm breaking even. About to go and get all of the toxins etc massaged out of me.

Starting properly tomorrow.

@SallySunrise nah the salad sounds fine, a perfect balance. And the sauna has definitely evened everything out, imagine all the energy it took for your body to maintain homeostasis in those conditions!

I know it's only day one but could I ask for some help?

So I'm just starting a few REALLY busy months but also very very stressful few months. Long hours plus all my big things of the year are crammed in. Things are ramping up as we speak (quel dramatique! Yes, I make French up. I am Delboy's long-lost very Scottish niece), so what are some ideas to help stress escape and let off steam in regular small doses? I need ideas other than food or running, because, at the peak of it, I'll be doing 50 hour weeks and exams so f**k running.

@whatausername chocolate and alcohol? Perhaps not. Axe throwing? Erm, that’s all I’ve got for now. Sensible people will say exercise, sleep and a healthy diet, I guess.

@whatausername sympathy on the stress and 50 hour weeks. Sometime when it all kicks off here, I take 20-30mins after work to just lie in a darkened room. If I don't do that then I reach for the wine which doesn't relieve the stress but makes me not care. I find if I can insist on that time then I am more able to cope in general and make sensible decisions rather than going "fuck it" and have takeaway. Don't know if that's achievable with everything you've got going on though.

Weigh in this morning: 12 stone 10 which is better than I expected tbh. I had a yoghurt instead of Quality Street for breakfast, even though the Christmas leftovers are sat in a bowl right next to me. And there will be no wine tonight. Dinner is some mustard pork thingy DD found in a recipe book.

Hi haven't read all the posts , but please can I join ?? I'm a big fat fucker .

Of course! I’d suggest you sit down with tea and biscuits and have a read through - there are some excellent tips and ideas to help us through this.

Day Ham is really good to nibble on (not angrily - embrace the pig) but Night Cheese is only to be enjoyed in moderation.

Five fewer digestives per day is sufficient to meet targets. Allegedly. If you already eat fewer than five you’re a step ahead.

Nothing is off limits; better to be a bit lardy than a lot miserable.

You may start tomorrow, or Wednesday. Nobody will shout at you if it’s Thursday.

Good luck!

Ahem! It has to be 5 digestives less than your base rate thingy level.. the amount you need to stay the same weight.

I knew someone would come along with the science.

I was hangry after my poached egg on toast, so I had some fajita chicken (which was for the kids sarnies tomorrow) and a tiny handful of pretzels, which I know are not great but having discovered an unopened box of rum truffles I am proud to have resisted and gone for savoury. 75 squats done. Not feeling any thinner yet, except in my head.

@Mañanarama bloody hell, 75 squats!

I'd need about 75 Lilliputians under my backside pushing me back up ( all fearing for their life due to the risk of crushing). Even then I still don't think I'd manage that many squats.

I’m not saying they’re good squats! I should probably Google good squats,

Crush weetabix and mix together with a spoonful of Nutella and shape into balls. Chill in fridge for an hour and then you get guilt free Ferrerro rochers . Well providing you don't then eat them all in one sitting! I used to make them whilst doing slimming world

Ooh hello! Any other slimming world type cheat treats? Might be very useful!

@whatausername might be a bit predictable but I find wallowing in a hot bath helps when I'm really stressed, I imagine all the stress seeping out with the sweat (I imagine i look more like hippo than a pig in those moments!), a glass of wine goes down well in the bath, but I also keep some hidden cans of fancy san pellegrino for if I'm being really good so it still feels like I get peace & a treat!
I also have home made chicken tikka & flatbread in the freezer at all times for needing a takeaway emergencies, it's almost as good as a big fat kebab, but I'm sure it must be healthier....

Ooh, this is my go to as well, especially with Westlabs mindful bath salts in it

I’m hungry. *strops

Me too. Massively craving chicken tikka flatbread, thanks to @Ebananascroogey

Doing a big shop tonight. Stocking up on Day Ham and the like. The good news is the supermarket is huge and on two floors (shall use stairs) and there is an M&S nearby that I need to go to, so that’ll get some steps in.

@Mañanarama could inhale a flatbread right now.

I’ve just unpacked a Tesco order which did not include and wine. Lots of healthy stuff to make meals I know I like and will feel better for eating…. But I am missing the beige and the booze.

Going to the gym in a few hours so I’m not starving on the sofa. I usually go in the day then continue to eat all day.

Update: in the bath.

Orange pomander tealights - win
Badedas bubble bath - on the fence, not very bubbly

I am also drinking water rather than wine (separate water, because the Badedas may contain calories).

I used to find those slimming world 'treats' hilarious. I'm sure there was one where you put cooked lasagne sheets in the oven to make crisps. And another was putting jam in a wholemeal roll and covering it in sweetener to make a donut. Weetabix featured a lot, often in cakes.

I weighed in at 10 stone 12.5 lb today, so I walked to work and back instead of getting the bus. So about 3 miles. Just need to resist the temptation of wine tonight.