Urgh. Today is a bad day.
I am a member of a gym for past 18m and previous to that was at a different gym. I'm no gym bunny but I try to go twice a week and make an effort. When I began at this gym I had an induction but I adapted the routine a bit along the way eg I hate the bikes so did more treadmill.
So I admit I've been off plan had a few holidays and many take aways, I'm not a slim girl I'm 15st+ size 16/18. I recently went back to gym after few weeks off and they have changed alot of the equipment so I didn't know what to do. I booked a refresh with the instructor. Now I knew I was in a fragile state of mind today so probably should have cancelled but I thought it would do me good. The instructor insisted I had another full induction and put me on this machine that weighed you and BMI, fat, muscle etc I knew I didn't want to do that but she was insistent. Then she starts comparing my stats saying I've put on 7lb then saying no it's more like 9 that's way over half stone. Saying you put on 9lb in six weeks! (I haven't I've put it on since last time on machine which was 18m ago) she was going on about BMI and fat etc but in quite a critical way which I totally understand as well it's bad, I know it's bad. I admit I couldn't even look at her or the machine I was getting more and more upset this was all taking place in a room that people can see in and the door was open and it's right next to the water fountain so people tend to stand there.
Part way through her spiel of how much fat I'd gained she looked at me and said are you upset? I said yes and burst into full huge sobs, she then said did you not know you were this big and I half shouted back of course I did I have a mirror! I then grabbed my stuff and said I gotta go home and literally ran sobbing through the gym and leisure centre. I couldn't even drive for the first 20 minutes as I was sobbing that much. I can't believe I've humiliated myself like that and now I have no idea to even make it better as I still can't work the gym.
I'm so upset with myself for getting this fat and this upset I'm cringing at the thought of ever going back 😢😢😢