Totally humiliated myself at gym 😢

[Bluefrontdoor]

Urgh. Today is a bad day.
I am a member of a gym for past 18m and previous to that was at a different gym. I'm no gym bunny but I try to go twice a week and make an effort. When I began at this gym I had an induction but I adapted the routine a bit along the way eg I hate the bikes so did more treadmill.
So I admit I've been off plan had a few holidays and many take aways, I'm not a slim girl I'm 15st+ size 16/18. I recently went back to gym after few weeks off and they have changed alot of the equipment so I didn't know what to do. I booked a refresh with the instructor. Now I knew I was in a fragile state of mind today so probably should have cancelled but I thought it would do me good. The instructor insisted I had another full induction and put me on this machine that weighed you and BMI, fat, muscle etc I knew I didn't want to do that but she was insistent. Then she starts comparing my stats saying I've put on 7lb then saying no it's more like 9 that's way over half stone. Saying you put on 9lb in six weeks! (I haven't I've put it on since last time on machine which was 18m ago) she was going on about BMI and fat etc but in quite a critical way which I totally understand as well it's bad, I know it's bad. I admit I couldn't even look at her or the machine I was getting more and more upset this was all taking place in a room that people can see in and the door was open and it's right next to the water fountain so people tend to stand there.
Part way through her spiel of how much fat I'd gained she looked at me and said are you upset? I said yes and burst into full huge sobs, she then said did you not know you were this big and I half shouted back of course I did I have a mirror! I then grabbed my stuff and said I gotta go home and literally ran sobbing through the gym and leisure centre. I couldn't even drive for the first 20 minutes as I was sobbing that much. I can't believe I've humiliated myself like that and now I have no idea to even make it better as I still can't work the gym.
I'm so upset with myself for getting this fat and this upset I'm cringing at the thought of ever going back 😢😢😢

Oh that is so horrible and you definintely did not humiliate yourself! That PT is a disgrace, I have been to the gym for years and have known several PT's and they would never dream of talking to anyone like that. It's a sure fire way to backfire and then keep someone away from the gym
Definitely speak to the manager if you can, she should not be allowed to talk to anyone the way she spoke to you. It's a very cruel way to talk. I hope you are feeling a bit better now? Please don't let this stop you going to the gym, hold your head high, she is the person who should be embarrased

I’m a PT - working at different setting including the gym - that is unacceptable how she conducted the induction. She was totally out of order and very rude. Absolutely complain about her.

Wow! she needs a new job! I left a gym in tears once because a trainer wouldn't accept that I was trying hard enough. I left and sobbed all day, I was never going to the gym ever again. I pulled up my big girl knickers and avoided him like the plague. I got myself back on track and got to goal weight. DO NOT LET THIS CRETIN STOP YOU! Go somewhere else or avoid her and keep going. xx

For context I’m an ex-PT & managed my own gym many years ago. If I’d had a PT working for me who spoke to a client that way I’d be furious. Please complain - it’s really not ok.

That is not ok. I work at a leisure centre gym and there is no way that she should have spoken to you like that. We promote health at every size and treat everybody the same regardless of their size, health or ability. Making people feel humiliated or bad about themselves is an absolute no. I am not usually one to suggest complaining as generally I think people like to complain too much, but in this case I really think you should.

You are doing a positive thing for you and I hope that you keep at it regardless of whether you choose to go to a different gym in the future or stay where you are. And sod the scales - focus on improving your ability and stamina at the gym and improved health will follow.

Personally I think it was the instructor who humiliated herself.

Her job is to encourage and support and motivate people to get fit and instead she is so bad at her job that her customers literally run away from her and the gym. How much does she suck!?

It wasn't you - it was her.

Sending hugs, that instructor is a dick / dickess. Clearly not in the right job with that attitude. Don't let her stop you doing you x

You didn't humiliate yourself at all, she was really rude. I agree with the others who have said you should complain. The manager needs to know how bad she is at her job, plus you need to have a proper induction on the equipment. Don't let her out you off!

She sounds like she is in the wrong job. She should be motivating you not putting you off

This. I always wonder why people are so horrible about overweight people using the gym, or going for a run. How are you supposed to lose weight if you are rooted to the sofa? Idiots. Find another gym OP, or at least another PT.

I am slim but if I heard anyone talking like this to someone who's overweight, I'd be filing a complaint myself. This is no way to talk to someone who actually has the courage to do something about her weight issues and wants to improve her health and fitness.
Complain. Find another gym.
Good luck.

agree with everyone else - you didn't humiliate yourself. It's not like you took a shit in the drinking fountain or accidentally tripped and fell onto an elderly person!

It was the P"T" who humiliated herself with her shitty attitude. I would definitely email the gym manager (assuming you can't keep your cool on the phone - I wouldn't be able to.)

I was overweight and obese for 25 odd years. I've joined several gyms and never had an experience like that. Have always just been asked "What are your goals in joining the gym?" Only if I've said "to lose weight" have they suggested weighing me.

I've only (thankfully) had one experience of semi-public fat shaming which was when I went to my doctors surgery for my contraceptive injection. I had not seen this nurse before and she insisted on putting me on the scales - which were in the waiting area - before exclaiming "Goodness me!" at the readout. She then tried to find any excuse possible to not give me my injection, which at that point I had been on for 5 years, saying "I'm sure I remember you can't have depo if your BMI is over 40", leafing through her nurses reference dictionary, the medication reference guide, seaching online and even leaving the fucking room to find a doctor to ask. Because, you know, fat people shouldn't need contraception because surely nobody should want to fuck us.

I walked home with the scalding tears of rage burning my cheeks. After giving her a look that clearly said "If you caught fire, not only would I not piss on you, but I would look for the nearest flammable substances to add to the blaze."

Don't let this miserable cowbag put you off. If it's feasible, I'd look for another gym. I've had good experiences with PureGym, Xcerise4Less and The Gym group.

🌷YOU did not humiliate yourself. She was an absolute bitch and even worse an incompetent moose! She’s s shit at her job and you must complain to the manager, she should not get away with treating you like that and you can prevent her treating others like that!

AS others have said, dont let her put you off your stride!

Excercise is great for overall health& mental well being, but weight loss is at least 85% diet. Try listening to Jason Fung’s podcasts, he write the obesity code & smashes, with science, some of the outdated & incorrect myths about diet/metabolism etc. His books are good too if you’d prefer that, but all of advice is free online.

🌷go out & play dodge the rain today!

+1 for complaint to the gym. That is terrible customer service and you haven't humiliated yourself.

Life tip

The instructor insisted I had another full induction and put me on this machine that weighed you and BMI, fat, muscle etc I knew I didn't want to do that but she was insistent.

Please PLEASE remember no one can make you do anything you don't want to. Even if they are insistent, they can't force you. Just keep repeating "no. I'm sorry I don't want to". This is particularly important in other contexts because there is a natural inclination to bow to authority - especially medical professionals. If you don't want to do something, you don't have to (assuming you are mentally able to make your own decisions ).

Oh, op - big hugs. It can take a lot to get to a gym - mentally, I mean. I;ve been laughed at by fit men in there (at my red sweaty face and fat thighs when beautifully slim tiny blonde gym bunny was next to me, "god, look at that compared to her! HAHAHAHA!"), it's the fact you are even trying - well done you! Don't give up because of some insensitive unempathic cow. You're doing amazingly, keep at it.

What a cow she was. Please don’t let her terrible behaviour put you off . I would complain , you have a right to feel encouraged, not defeated, she is said obviously in the wrong job!

I haven't read the whole thread; just the op.

I am a personal trainer. The way that woman spoke to you was completely unnacceptable. How dare she. First of all, I don't weigh anyone or take any stats unless they specifically want me to. Neither do I speak about bodies critically - not my own and not anyone elses. This woman does not know your health status on the basis of the information she gleaned from the machine (which are notoriously innacurate anyway.)

If you have the energy, complain. You don't have to and it's completely up to you and how you're feeling, but she has really let herself, and the gym she works for, down.

What a twat that instructor is!
You did not embarrass yourself, I would have left sobbing, possibly shouting.
What I would do:
~ complain to gym but don’t stop going!

Can I recommend Lucy Wyndham-Reed on YouTube? She is a pt and bloody phenomenal, search her up!

I think you need to make appointment to go to see the manager and complain in person. What an utter bitch, she deserves to be finished for that. Obviously people who are overweight know that and don't need telling. I recommend going to the council gym, no one has ever spoken to me like that there and they are good with equal opportunities etc.

Absolutely appalling. At my gym there are all shapes and sizes of customers, and when you have an induction they ask you what you want to achieve whether that's weight loss, toning, strength or just wellbeing and healthiness. I have never seen or heard of anyone being challenged or criticised about their weight. It's totally not on - it's rude and hurtful but also the staff have no idea why anyone is the weight they are, it could be for many reasons beyond their control and it's not their business. I'm so angry for you!

Definitely complain, and please don't give up.

It sounds like you removed yourself from a bully. Well done.

Oh my god you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about, I thought you were going to say you fell off a machine and your boobs fell out of your top or something! She was a CUNT. Please complain, she shouldn't be talking to people like that. Management would love to know she's losing customers.

What a bitch. My PT is so sweet and kind. He's constantly telling me not to be too hard on myself, and is so pleased with my progress. He pointed out that I've had to do what he's never had to do, as he's never been a single lb overweight in his life.

I'm five stone down thanks to his support, which goes way beyond fitness - it's helped me make all the right dietary choices, which are so much easier when you have good self esteem.

HE is the kind of person who should be a PT. Not her.

She was a complete and utter bitch. Don't you dare get down on yourself over this worthless cow.

You are absolutely not the first person to cry in a situation like that, so you haven't humiliated yourself at all, I promise.

Secondly, the trainer sounds absolutely terrible. I see a personal trainer twice a week and his approach couldn't be more different. I don't think it's typical of trainers at all. I would consider making a complaint to the gym and I would ask them if you can have another session with a different trainer.

Alternatively, if the gym is not for you (I hate them!) you could, as a PP said, get some HIIT workouts downloaded or on DVD and try those at home - they are hard but they are brilliant fat burners and usually quite simple to follow.

I do think it's useful for a trainer to get a feel for how a client feels about their size, but I would expect them to ask something like 'So - how do you feel about those numbers? Is what you were expecting, or was it a surprise?' which is a much kinder way of approaching it.

Please don't be disheartened. If it's any consolation, I also had a full-on, snot-crying meltdown a couple of months ago over something exercise-related (I'm a similar size to you and similarly self-conscious) but I did manage to pick myself up and now that seems like years ago and today I did the longest run I've ever done in my life. You can do this! We're all rooting for you.