Totally humiliated myself at gym 😢

[Bluefrontdoor]

Urgh. Today is a bad day.
I am a member of a gym for past 18m and previous to that was at a different gym. I'm no gym bunny but I try to go twice a week and make an effort. When I began at this gym I had an induction but I adapted the routine a bit along the way eg I hate the bikes so did more treadmill.
So I admit I've been off plan had a few holidays and many take aways, I'm not a slim girl I'm 15st+ size 16/18. I recently went back to gym after few weeks off and they have changed alot of the equipment so I didn't know what to do. I booked a refresh with the instructor. Now I knew I was in a fragile state of mind today so probably should have cancelled but I thought it would do me good. The instructor insisted I had another full induction and put me on this machine that weighed you and BMI, fat, muscle etc I knew I didn't want to do that but she was insistent. Then she starts comparing my stats saying I've put on 7lb then saying no it's more like 9 that's way over half stone. Saying you put on 9lb in six weeks! (I haven't I've put it on since last time on machine which was 18m ago) she was going on about BMI and fat etc but in quite a critical way which I totally understand as well it's bad, I know it's bad. I admit I couldn't even look at her or the machine I was getting more and more upset this was all taking place in a room that people can see in and the door was open and it's right next to the water fountain so people tend to stand there.
Part way through her spiel of how much fat I'd gained she looked at me and said are you upset? I said yes and burst into full huge sobs, she then said did you not know you were this big and I half shouted back of course I did I have a mirror! I then grabbed my stuff and said I gotta go home and literally ran sobbing through the gym and leisure centre. I couldn't even drive for the first 20 minutes as I was sobbing that much. I can't believe I've humiliated myself like that and now I have no idea to even make it better as I still can't work the gym.
I'm so upset with myself for getting this fat and this upset I'm cringing at the thought of ever going back 😢😢😢

[TheOrigFV45]

So this was just a member of staff trained to do gym inductions, right? Not an actual PT or someone you are meant to work with?

If so, then once you've complained about her, hold your head up high and get back there.

Good luck.

[MsMartini]

Aw, OP, she sounds awful. You don't need to apologise or explain about your size either. When I joined my gym, I was overweight (still am but much less so!) , said I wanted to lose some and the nice young man doing my induction said, "well you are strong and healthy and you've come to the right place. I think you will enjoy this." I hope you complain, go back and get another session with someone more professional. Plenty of people of all shapes and sizes at my gym have PT too - lots of banter, fun and pushing to do things you don't think you can, safely. Maybe keep an eye out in case there is one whose manner you like, if this might be a possibility? I agree with pp that in general male instructors are more interested in strength and fitness, or at least they focus on that when coaching women perhaps because it seems less personal?

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

I used to be a PT. An overwieght PT. A PT who was always busy, with all sorts of people, tall, short, skinny, fat, fit , unfit. I am telling you that what YOU DID was great. You went back to the gym and tried again, Recognised your lack of knowledge and asked for more guidance.What she did was absolutely fucking horrible.

She didn't listen to your needs; she judged you; she didn't think before she spoke and she most definitely didn't do her job well.

Chances are she has spent the intervening time worrying over it!

Decide what outcome you want - some free membership, a different PT, for her to lose her job, go on a training course in 'Being Considerate'. Then go and talk to the gym manager. Don't be afraid to tell them how much she undermined your confidence in yourself AND in their professionalism, ability to help you.

Stay angry long enough to get back on that horse and do what you want to do!

[Sweetpeach3]

Just be happy that your you! She was one nasty piece of judgemental work by the sounds of it. No one needs he spoke to like that an then to keep going on. She's lucky you didn't slap her. I hope your okay. Everyone is perfect in their own way. Learn to love you not what you think people want of you x

[Orangecake123]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I would email the gym and give full feedback.

I hope you can go back or try another gym.

[GreenButBlueButYellow]

To be honest OP I’d put I know a complaint about her! How horrible it’s not like you don’t know your going the gym to improve your health your an adult you don’t need a lecture id be furious OP. You didn’t humiliate yourself, she managed to do that

[LuluBellaBlue]

What an awful awful woman.
Be thankful you don’t live in her trapped life of misery.
So sorry she had to be so mean to you though

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

OP, your 'trainer's' lack of self-esteem and confidence in her ability as a PT should have been addressed by her, in her own time, not on yours.

I had a PT session this morning. I'm really unfit and he is such a nice trainer. Partners me for Boxfit when it's an odd number and never makes me feel 'less than'.

Those who can actually train make their clients feel inspired, hopeful and positive. Those who can't do that ought to find another job.

Please do complain. Please also don't give up, don't give her that power.

[Funguy]

If this is true, you can report this 'expert'. I cannot believe someone would be so unprofessional though.

[CreatedBySombra]

Please complain. One of my friends is a gym owner and she'd be appalled at anyone being made to feel like that in her gym by someone in her employment or allowed to use the gym for personal trainer sessions.

Don't give up because of one snide little cow.

[kateandme]

this is all on her hun not you.noone should make you feel guilty or lesser than or any of the things she brought up.this is not the way sshe should be beahving.ever.no matter what siz eibe it 16 24 or 8!
it was not kind nor proffesional.
dont feel guilty about being you hun.your doing amazing.your going to the gym when you can.nd so what youve had some tie off.life happens so does this
please please dont feel bad about yourself.this was all wrong on her part never on yours.
you sound like a really sensitive lovely soul dont listen to her

[ChocOrCheese]

Adding my voice to the chorus of people telling you to complain.

For a start she should not have made you go on the scale if you didn't want to.

When I started doing PT I needed to lose weight (still do, but have lost plenty) but I was doing it for fitness, not weight loss. I was sensitive about my weight and flat out told the PT I refused to discuss weight loss with him. He was fine about it.

[Bluefrontdoor]

Thank you all so much for your kind words it's really kept me going today reading do many lovely replies ♥️
It's a council gym and I've never had any experience of this before at this gym it's normally very inclusive and the members are all shapes and sizes no judging at all.
I've spoken to the manager who actually rang me to see how I was, I'd assume the trainer must have told her unless it was a general courtesy call because I'd had a booking I'm not sure. I told her what happened she was lovely, very encouraging even offered to go with me to the gym when I next go. She said the lady would be spoken too. I do think that perhaps English wasn't her first language and so was maybe more abrupt than a native English speaker would come across but still it needs working on if she is to do that job.
I will survive to fight another day and perhaps it is my rock bottom the only way is up. I'm going to hold my head high and return in a few days (in a disguise 🤣)
I felt humiliated by her comments but even more humiliated that I was ugly crying in public 🙈

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

No bystander will have thought you were 'ugly crying', it's just something that we, the weepers say to explain the outpouring of water and sobbing. Anybody who will have seen you will have most probably been concerned for your obvious distress.

I also suspect that if they knew the reasons for it, they would have told the 'trainer' that she was out of order. I would have.

Do accept a session with another trainer, anybody but the one you had today. It will be fine, great even. For myself, the rush of endorphins trumps any ounces of weight I might lose.

[GreatBigNoise]

That’s a good positive update OP and I’m glad you feel better.

[LittleSweet]

Crying is really healthy. Don't be ashamed. I'm so glad you spoke to the manager and are going back (in disguise).

[NoodlesMcGee]

You absolutely haven't humiliated yourself.

The instructor has the social skills of a dead gnat - how utterly stupid are they?!

Do not like them stop you from going back.

[StealthNinjaMum]

Op I am glad you have complained, the job is completely unsuited to her. I used to be overweight but never had the guts to go to the gym. I lost 60lbs before I went and fwiw if I had seen you at the gym I would have nothing but respect for you.

[StrongTea]

Glad you feel a wee bit better. Strongly suspect the instructor was covering her back.

[MrsMozartMkII]

Well done on talking to the manager.

Even if it was ugly crying, most people won't have noticed and even fewer (if any) would remember.

You go back and enjoy it lass. You go do it all for you.

[Aflorable]

That’s such a sad situation OP, I’m sorry you had to deal with that!! What she said to you was COMPLETELY unprofessional, unkind and unnecessary.

Gym staff are there to make sure those who pay for their services are safe, comfortable and confident. They’re not there to demean or insult the gym members!

You didn’t embarrass yourself at all- she was nasty to you and you reacted as many people would!
Please report her and find a gym instructor who’ll respect you.

[Orangecake123]

OP crying is a normal response to pain.

Everyone has had a moment in public and no one would judge you for it.

[glasshalfsomething]

So glad you’ve had the chance to speak to the manager. Great she’s encouraging you back to it. Please don’t miss out; the gym should be a place you want to go to - for headspace, to burn off energy (or rage) or to take some ‘me time’! Don’t let one bad experience put you off finding the joy of exercising.

The shame is on the instructor, so hold your head up high in return. No-one will remember seeing anything!

See if the manager would even comp you a few free PT sessions (with someone other that the last stupid woman) as an apology so you can get a fresh training schedule.

Good luck!

[justilou1]

Great result after speaking to the manager! So pleased you are not letting her attitude defeat you! Would love to find someone saying “Have you not noticed you’re a bitch?” to her!!!

[Croquembou]

I'm so sorry that happened, OP, what shitty situation. But don't not go back to that gym, you didn't do anything wrong, and noone who saw you crying would ever give it a second thought, everyone is far too busy with their own nonsense. It sounds like, apart from this one socially inept lunatic, a really good gym.

You can do it!