Totally humiliated myself at gym 😢

[Bluefrontdoor]

Urgh. Today is a bad day.
I am a member of a gym for past 18m and previous to that was at a different gym. I'm no gym bunny but I try to go twice a week and make an effort. When I began at this gym I had an induction but I adapted the routine a bit along the way eg I hate the bikes so did more treadmill.
So I admit I've been off plan had a few holidays and many take aways, I'm not a slim girl I'm 15st+ size 16/18. I recently went back to gym after few weeks off and they have changed alot of the equipment so I didn't know what to do. I booked a refresh with the instructor. Now I knew I was in a fragile state of mind today so probably should have cancelled but I thought it would do me good. The instructor insisted I had another full induction and put me on this machine that weighed you and BMI, fat, muscle etc I knew I didn't want to do that but she was insistent. Then she starts comparing my stats saying I've put on 7lb then saying no it's more like 9 that's way over half stone. Saying you put on 9lb in six weeks! (I haven't I've put it on since last time on machine which was 18m ago) she was going on about BMI and fat etc but in quite a critical way which I totally understand as well it's bad, I know it's bad. I admit I couldn't even look at her or the machine I was getting more and more upset this was all taking place in a room that people can see in and the door was open and it's right next to the water fountain so people tend to stand there.
Part way through her spiel of how much fat I'd gained she looked at me and said are you upset? I said yes and burst into full huge sobs, she then said did you not know you were this big and I half shouted back of course I did I have a mirror! I then grabbed my stuff and said I gotta go home and literally ran sobbing through the gym and leisure centre. I couldn't even drive for the first 20 minutes as I was sobbing that much. I can't believe I've humiliated myself like that and now I have no idea to even make it better as I still can't work the gym.
I'm so upset with myself for getting this fat and this upset I'm cringing at the thought of ever going back 😢😢😢

[Durgasarrow]

That instructor violated you. The number 1 reason people go to the gym is to lose weight, and their number 1 fear is to be called out over it. That goes for people who are 500 pounds and people who are 100 pounds. What she did is extraordinarily wrong. She publicly shamed a customer. She had no right to do that. Extremely unprofessional. She needs to be fired.

[sonjadog]

I would make a complaint about her. She was really nasty to you.

[JaffaCakeGal]

You need to complain, that was totally out of order! You said you didn't want to be weighed and you didn't ask for weight loss advice. Tell the manager you want to be shown the machines by someone else.

[WhoKnewBeefStew]

YOU didn’t humiliate yourself, SHE did! I’d be reporting her to the manager. I consider myself fairly thick skinned and I’d have struggled not to cry in that situation (same size and sporadic gym user)

[BadBear]

Please do not think this is your fault in any way. Gym culture and especially idiotic instructors like her were the reason why I never wanted to go to a gym when I was big in my late teens.

It may offend some but any idiot could complete an online fitness course and pretend to be an expert, also many PTs don't know which way is up. I am a competing athlete now in weight lifting so I have come to learn a lot about instructors and so many of them lack the skills or knowledge to even talk about fitness, let alone give people advice.

Please, please do report her behaviour because she shouldn't be allowed anywhere near clients. Keep in mind, you're paying them money for them to provide a service. You have not done anything wrong, they have let you down so it is up to them to make it up to you now.

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

It's stories like this that stop me going to the gym.
I'd prefer to lose weight by walking and using the equipment that the councils have put in to public parks. I can use their strider just as easily as the ones in a gym and I'm outdoors too, getting fresh air.

@Bluefrontdoor, if I were you, I'd phone the gym up and ask to speak with the manager. Explain your situation and see what they say. Do not be fobbed off with an unsuitable response. By that I mean decide before you phone them what you expect from the gym and what you want them to do for you. Is it that you want to go back but not to this instructor? Do you want a private one-to-one session at a quiet time (fewer people in the gym)? Then don't hang up until you're happy.
At the very least you should expect a full apology from this instructor as she is doing nothing to promote exercise and is coming across with a holier than thou attitude. She is not supportive and speaking as someone who is a size 16, it takes a lot to get us into a gym in the first place, so they should be a hell of a lot more supportive than you've experienced.

Best of luck to you!

[GreatBigNoise]

You haven’t humiliated yourself. You got upset because the PT was unkind and unprofessional. She is the one who should be embarrassed.
If you can I think you should complain. If she has treated you like this then chances are she will treat other people like it.
How about going for a walk this afternoon. Pop some music or a podcast on and get some fresh air. ( lol, I sound like my Mum)

[SupremeDreamz]

She was both unkind and unprofessional.

Even if you've been off plan all the fitness and strength you have built up over time will still be there. That takes a huge amount of effort and time.

Don't let this derail your plan for the day, if you were going to work out maybe you can still go for a walk? I hate it when someone stops me doing something I was all geared up to do.

[CarolineKate]

Like another person said DO NOT LET HER DERAIL YOU!

You are doing amazing. Do you know how many people don't care about their health?! That laugh at exercise?! It doesn't matter how long the journey is for you or how many ups and downs there are. What matters is you're on the journey!! Don't let her strip away your motivation.

Please complain. Please ask for another induction with someone that can be sensitive and motivate you!

But not today. Today compose yourself so you can go in with your head high. If you still want to exercise today then follow a zumba video on YouTube! Good luck.

[GlasshouseStoneThrower]

You have not humiliated yourself - you just had an unfortunate encounter with a really horrible person who shouldn't be a gym instructor.

Her rudeness and lack of support is NOT a reflection on you or your fitness

[bumblingbovine49]

Next time you have a gym intro session. Start assertively. Say you rr

[Monkeyseesmonkeydoes]

Right, get back on that horse!
So the PT was unkind, unprofessional and doesn't sound like the brightest bulb. In my experience PT's RARELY have any clue of what it's like to exercise when you're overweight, self conscious. T
hey know the theory - it's harder when you;re bigger to move, it's more tiring, it takes enormous mental strength sometimes - but they have know actual experience of this so tend to be in the 'move more, eat less, it;s not rocket science' gang and unsympathetic.
Ignore the PT, don;t look to them for help - do what you need to do, at your own pace and in your own time, and please PLEASE don't let this put you off...
I got told by someone pool side that I was 'brave' for swimming, i.e. brave for being seen in a swimsuit poolside, but I know what I look like in a swim suit, I'm not blind. And it had taken me years to get back to swimming, and a thick skin to ignore any looks from others, so I though F-YOU! F-YOU, I'm doing this to get healthy so keep your unhelpful POINTLESS remarks to yourself.

[RaggieDolls]

She sounds ghastly. I really do sympathise though. I had a gym induction where they all but said I must be lazy given I was a stone overweight.

At the time I had a 3 year old and a 1 year old and had just gone back to work from mat leave into a very demanding role. Overweight, yes. Lazy, no.

It did really upset me though so I understand how you've been left feeling.

[Herefortheduration]

What a cow, don't let her derail you. You're doing brilliantly. I've been a member of a gym since May and I'm loving it although I'm still very overweight, I look at others there who are overweight or older and really admire them... way more than I do the gym bunnies, not that I don't admire them too, because I do. In fact everyone in there gets my respect. If the stupid bitch doesn't get that she's in the wrong job!

[Lizzylozzy444]

Oh OP big hugs, you've not humiliated yourself at all in the slightest, that instructor was purely vile, unprofessional and downright rude. She showed herself up!! I bet if people did overhear they would have been horrified at how nasty she was. Please do not worry OP, speak to the manager and complain complain complain.!!!!! She cannot get away with talking to people like this. She is supposed to be helpful and supportive and she is neither!!

[justbefuddleme]

youve not humiliated yourself it's the cow who's an embarrassment not you!
I thought this was going to be about using the equipment incorrectly or falling which would be some thing I'd have managed to do.
Hold your head up high don't let her make you feel this way.
Complain and then go back in anyway as she was in the wrong not you

[Huggybear16]

I'm not a personal trainer, but worked in a very large and busy gym while I was a student. The PT on this thread is right:

There is a sensitive way to open up a conversation, so that if the client wants to talk about her or his weight, or indeed any body issue, they can do. In short, we never raise or 'point out' a client's body shape or stats with our client; we wait for them to do it with us, and tell us what they would like to do about it. It's supposed to be entirely client-led.

The conversation should have been about you and what you want from the gym and your induction. You would have explained you needed help using the new equipment. You didn't want to discuss your weight at that time.

I really do think you should complain about this PT. Not only was she unprofessional, but her "advice" regarding weight and BMI was not asked for.

You didn't embarrass yourself. The PT was so vile that a paying member left the club in tears. The manager will want to know about this. Use your complaint to get what you want - a different PT? cancel membership? action against this PT?

[ravenmum]

She has not added up two and two and realised that you are at the gym because you know you need to be there, duh! Also sounds like she didn't know how the machine worked, if she thought you'd put on the weight in a six-week period and not 18 months.

I would hate to be seen crying in public, and would also have trouble showing my face there again. But when I worked as a teacher, I would also have been very ashamed if I'd made one of my pupils cry. This woman may have felt dreadful too after you left, and want to apologise. If she has a hide as thick as an elephant's and doesn't feel sorry, her colleagues and boss will certainly have noticed.

[joystir59]

She was cruel nasty and deserves sacking. Don't give up OP, get angry and use your anger to power you to another gym, and towards becoming the healthier fitter woman you deserve to be.

[milliefiori]

You've done nothing wrong. You went to the gym. That's a perfectly reasonable thing to do for anyone who want to get fitter.

Your instructor's job is to motivate you to stay at the gym. They're the one who has failed in their job and humiliated you.

I'd cancel membership and explain that if they want to keep members who need to lose weight they need to brush up on their motivational skills and scale back their public humiliations.

[ohdearmymistake]

Please don't be put off just remember there are people that would love to get down to your size and weight.

Keep going.

[worriedandannoyed]

What a cruel heartless nasty woman! Don't feel humiliated, she should be ashamed. I hope you complain about her

[everyonecaneffoff]

I'd complain to the gym.
Obviously it's not good that you've put weight on but you realize that yourself. You were there to do something about it so she should have been trying to motivate you further - saying it was good that you'd come back to the gym etc.
She shouldn't have forced you on to the BMI machine when you said you did not want that. She forced you to have a full induction instead of the refresher which is what she booked.
She sounds awful and that's no way to talk to people who want to lose weight. Wonder how many other people she's done that to. It isn't going to motivate anyone. It's merely going to make them run out of the gym as you did.

Talk to a manager and see what they say. If you feel up to it ask to have another induction with someone else who isn't going to be awful to you like that.