I've actively decided to STOP DIETING!

[Sweetheart]

I had a long chat with some female friends of mine recently that made me really think about why I'm ALWAYS on a diet. I realised that I have pretty much been on a constant diet for the last 20 years (my entire adult life) which made me so sad! I realised that I've never really been happy with my weight and how I look and to be honest probably never will be! I'm actually not even sure that how I want to look is even attainable.

So there it is - I've decided to STOP dieting. I'm currently not at my heaviest but not at my lightest either. The weight I am now I have been hovering around for about 5 months so I'm just going to try and stick at this weight for a while and learn to actually eat normally - not constantly counting everything, weighing everything, sticking to the god forsaken rules!

I've had a few scary realisations this week........1. I am so out of tune with hunger - when I actually want or need to eat.

1. I think about food all the time - probably because I'm so deprived. I asked dh the other day why he never eats anything after our evening meal and he told me he just never thinks about food - this was a revelation to me.....I think about it constantly.
2. I don't think I've set a good example to my kids over the years. It can't be good for them to watch mum eat a salad whilst they tuck into the normal evening meal........or to watch mum weighing and measuring every bit of food......or to watch mum have a juice / shake in place of a proper meal.

I'm hoping the freedom from dieting will teach me how to actually eat normally for the 1st time in my adult life.

The only things I am imposing on myself are:-
Plenty of water each day
Try to only eat when I am actually hungry (this is a tricky one to figure out)

Has anyone ever had any experience of this? Or am I just going to end up even fatter and back on the next fad diet?

Oh Milliy, your story made me so sad. Parents have a responsibility to make sure their children are healthy, not to fat-shame them and withdraw food. That's tantamount to abuse.

I totally agree about ditching the scales. It's not wanting to feel slim in our clothes that makes us want to diet, it's that damn number the scales tell us. Often I would feel great in the morning, then would step on the scales and feel terrible, then binge all day because I was miserable and felt fat and useless. To teach myself to ignore the emotional trigger and break the habit, I've sworn off mine for a whole year. Every time I'm tempted to weigh myself, I remind myself I only have x months to go and it stops me! I have no idea what I'll weigh when the year's up, but already I can't remember what I was when I last weighed myself, so that's something!

Have only read 1st page. I've kind of given up dieting too. I shouldn't start eating breakfast earlier if you are used to eating it later. It will mess with your other meal times and make you hungry earlier through the day.
I'm not doing actual diets any more, I'm skipping breakfast altogether (I find after a couple of days I don't want it and, bizarrely, eating breakfast seems to make me hungrier by lunch time than if I don't!) and trying to eat sweet stuff only at weekends. But that's it. Otherwise I eat what I like and have vowed never again to weigh, measure, count or totally cut out any foods or food groups. Ever.

Really enjoying reading this thread.

I would definitely recommend ditching the scales. Just go by how you feel. Weight can go up and down a few pounds naturally, water retention etc especially for women. The scales seem to be making you panic a bit and trigger you back into the diet mindset.

If you have deprived yourself of certain foods for so long then you will most likely go through a ‘binge’ period, eating lots of all the nice foods. But this will tail off. They aren’t forbidden anymore so will start to lose their appeal.

Becoming comfortable with intuitive eating is a long process. If you have been dieting for most of your life, then don’t expect to be able to come straight out of the ‘dieting’ mindset. Stop punishing yourself and feeling guilty. The important thing is to be aware when you feel yourself slipping back into old habits.

I wish you all lots of luck

Brilliant advice, MessyBun47, especially about intuitive eating. I tried it a few times when I was still in the dieting mindset and it sent me straight back to the scales. Now I'm a work in progress and I don't beat myself up when I don't eat mindfully.

Sorry, missed the 2 out MessyBun247!

I lost 3 stone, and kept it off for 3 1/2 years, went from a size 14/16 down to 10 using the Paul McKenna mantra
"Eat only when hungry, stop when full".
The hard part is learning those feelings!
I also got lots of information from the boot camp threads on here. I loosely follow LCHF.
I'm not hungry until about 12/1pm ish, but I have GORD and a banana at around 9am helps with that, and means I don't eat a huge lunch so I can eat an early ish dinner.
Yesterday I had a colonoscopy, and I've been eating low fibre food for a few days to make the prep work better.
Foods I haven't eaten for ages, white bread, white rice, jelly, boiled sweets.
Given biscuits in recovery (why don't the NHS provide fruit?)
As a result I was starving! And when I got home yesterday the sugar cravings were horrendous lol.
I know that I have a lack of control with sugar so I rarely let myself have anything like biscuits (would eat the whole pack).
I also weigh myself most days and take an average, imagine weighing weekly or monthly, and it coincided with a "fat hormonal/water retention' day? I think that would send me straight to the chocolate aisle

No disrespect, Cherrytree63, but the OP posted because she wants to give up dieting and what you describe sounds very much like a diet regime! You're depriving yourself of certain foods, whereas I thought Paul McKenna's mantra includes 'eat what you want'?

I am so in!

I’ve been dieting on and off for 28 years (my Mum put me on my first diet aged 9). I put fat too much value on my weight and not enough on my health. I’ve done WW (twice), SW (got to target looked fab but couldn’t maintain it!), No S (binged massively on weekends), Low carb (got horrendously constipated and moody). Ultimately diet clubs are there to make money. If you stay thin, you don’t pay...so there’s a flaw in the plan somewhere?!

Brain over binge by Kathryn Hansen and the podcast too have been massively helpful to me. Ever since my diet started being restricted, I’ve been in a binge/purge cycle, seeing food as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, equating my food choices to my value as well. Brain over binge basically teaches us that binge urges are just habit. Yes they may be triggered by difficulties but actually if you can just stop acting on them, they gradually stop surfacing.

So my plan from here is, follow Paul Mckenna’s golden rules:

1. Eat what you want
2. Eat when you’re hungry
3. Stop when you’re full
4. Eat consciously.

Follow most the week day principles of the No S diet - eat normal (not diet) food, avoid sweeteners and sugar, avoid snacking between meals. I’ve found if I eat substantial meals - ensuring plenty of protein and veg as I have a tendency to have lots of carbs and get hungry quickly - I’m full for quite a while. I realised after doing No S for a month that I snack for fear of getting hungry rather than genuine hunger! I can go far longer without food than I realised. But if I only allow myself sugary treats on the weekend then I binge which is not actually breaking the binge/purge cycle, only delaying it. So if I fancy something with sugar I’ll have it but preferably with a meal. If I’m starving hungry between meals I’ll try to chose a piece of fruit. I drink lots of water too, especially if I feel a binge urge surfacing, I'll drink a glass of water.

I like running so I plan to run 2/3 times a week to try to tone up and stay fit.

I think by doing this I will lose weight, it’ll be slow but it should stay off because it’s a change in approach that I can maintain.

Bookworm Thank you for understanding. Yes it was abuse, I realise that now after bringing up two kids myself. They were manipulative and emotionally abusive in many ways. I read a book back in 1990s called Overcoming Overeating which was just brilliant and I started buying all the foods I wanted. Kept a chocolate drawer and ever since that decision food lost its hold over me. The chocolate drawer was largely ignored by us as a family as we knew we could have it whenever we wanted it. The only time I feel dieting tendencies come back is if I am feeling bad about myself and then that can cause me to feel the need to starve. It's a learning curve but the good points outweigh the bad. I also did Paul McKenna which really helped. His hypnosis cds are relaxing. I don't gain weight either.

Faith the No D diet is just another diet. No snacks , No Sweets, No Seconds except on days that start with an S or Special Days. How messed up is that. Anything that you allow to have external control over your choices is a diet. Even doing this lightly is still allowing it to control you. Stopping dieting is just that. Eating normal without giving any food good or bad names. Nothing wrong with sweet food - if you want some . Just listen to how your body reacts .

This site is recommended by Ruby Tandoh in her book Eat Up: daretonotdiet.wordpress.com and I found it interesting. Also a site that another poster linked to at the start, which talked about treating hunger, cravings, feelings etc around food as information and deciding for yourself what to do about them.

Yeah, like I say, it’s still a diet and it wasn’t really good for me! I do think it helped me learn to recognise genuine hunger versus sugar cravings so it was beneficial in that way. So I’m applying the principles of not just eating for the sake of it and waiting til I’m genuinely hungry and eating real food rather than diet crap - low fat yoghurt? Bleurgh! I’ve dieted for so long I think it’ll take a while to adjust.

Faith you had said in your post that you will follow most of the weekday principals of the No S Diet and avoidance of sweet foods and snacking. Sorry if I read that wrong but sounds like you are still allowing diet rules to influence. Snacking can be helpful if your truly hungry and a doughnut mighty satisfying lol

Well done op. I’ve promised myself I will never diet or weigh myself again. It’s scary because I’m overweight and getting married next year..

I too try to track my actual bodily hunger. Have you looked at Paul McKenna? He’s about eating what you want when you are hungry, and stopping when you are full. I kept weight off for about two years when I did it, and usually it goes straight back on after a diet. I can’t quite wrap my head around it at the moment.
I’m looking into doing some work on trauma( not talking therapy) because I eat to keep my feelings at bay, as well as through habit.
X

I see what you mean Milliy. I just mean not mindless snacking, not eating because I’m bored or unhappy. I did just have a mince pie

Oh wow - Hi everyone! Coming back to this thread and seeing lots of lovely comments has really made my day.

So progress update - well it's Monday again and yes, I'm still looking on the scales and yes, this Monday is the same as the last few - I am 3ibs heavier.....that is because dh and i had a little weekend getaway this weekend (which was bloody lovely) so of course I have been VERY indulgent ALL weekend

So, yes I will probably scale back for a few days now to make up for it (I can't decide if this counts as dieting or not?) I did watch a program a while ago that said people who are naturally thin do this out of habit so for now I'll stick with it.

I hear what you are all saying about the scales and I totally appreciate what you are saying. Whoever it was that said I want to be thinner I DO!!!!! I absolutely want to be smaller than I am - but for now I am happy to settle with staying at the same weight. What I really cannot afford to do is pile on the ibs and i think that by using clothes as a guide - by the time your clothes are feeling tight......well it's really too late isn't it....because lets face it you'd need to put on at least 7 ibs before you clothes started to show you.

Also in the past whenever I have ditched the scales that is when I have fallen into bad habits and stacked weight on.....so I'm not feeling confident enough just yet to ditch them........it's in the longer term plan though for sure!

I think I've got the eating when hungry bit during the week - well starting to anyway. Weekends go a bit more out the window - because we are so busy I just forget to think if I am hungry or not.

Although having said that when dh and I went out for dinner on Friday night I did refuse a pudding because I was genuinely full up and couldn't eat another thing......even though I bloody love pudding and usually if I allow myself out for a meal it's a "no holds barred" kinda scenario.

Thank you so much for all the lovely supportive messages and girls who are with me - come on, we can do this! I wish you all a totally fulfilling week

Faith I had one earlier too. Mine was Morrison's but so far I think Asda bakery ones are best

Sweetheart I eat till satisfied not full. Full is uncomfortable whereas satisfied is not hungry anymore so can stop. Logically it can be the difference between 0 cals and 100 cals for eating beyond satisfied. As others have said, once you trust in this you can start to fine tune but it takes months to adjust. I started by buying all and any food I wanted to have in my house. Once I had tasted it all I got over the novelty. Today, 20 years later, I no longer need to buy lots of formerly forbidden food. I tend to eat fruit loads of veg and meat. Some bread and good chocolate. I don't eat a lot either as I'm not so emotionally invested in food. If I start restricting in any way or think about dieting I can lose it for a day before getting back on track.

One thing I do still struggle with....craving a sweet finish to dinner. Even though I'm not hungry I'm not satisfied without eating a yoghurt or something. Would be grateful for hints / tips regarding this.

Hi Sweetheart did you see my last post? If you eat till only satisfied (you start off very hungry which usually goes after about 4 mouthfuls, then mildly hungry then you check in and feel you could stop eating now. That's satisfied not full/stuffed. It's then time to have pudding if you want. Use the same principles. Put first mouthful in and really mindfully savour the taste and texture. Chew slowly and you will eventually find that just a few bites of pudding will be enough. Having observed naturally thin people, this is how they eat. They don't finish everything usually, just eat small amounts to satisfy hunger and then stop. Why clear your plate just because it has food on it. You are not a bin

The sweet thing...it depends if you’re hungry or having it to satisfy a craving? If I know I’m full and eating for the sake of it I’ll have a fruit or gingerbread tea. If I’ve still got some room in my stomach I’ll have a pudding or fruit.

Bookworm...sorry not sure how to bold your name..
Paul McKenna also has a section teaching you to associate your "downfall" foods with bad feelings. For me it would be chocolate.
I have deep rooted psychological problems with sweets, a traumatic childhood with sweets used as bribery, reward, pacify, distract.
If I don't eat sweets I don't crave them so don't see it as cutting out food groups.
And making healthier choices such as wholemeal bread over white, full fat Greek yoghurt over sweetened favoured yoghurt is a very easy sustainable way of life.
If you eat anything you fancy but make bad choices, you'll lose weight only by restricting the amount you eat or exercising a lot.
Surely it's better to eat healthy nutritious food that satisfies you and stops you being hungry?
Hunger and cravings are so much more than how full your belly is, there's the psychological aspect plus the hormonal balance between insulin and grehlin.
I've gone from someone who used to stuff my face at work just in case I got hungry (NHS on a busy ward) before break, still eating large amounts on my breaks, to someone who has to consciously make a decision to eat because I'm rarely hungry.
Personally I'd rather not have cravings than try to fight them, but I really regret not doing this at a much younger age because I blame my earlier bad habits for some of my current health problems.
BTW, I'm 55, started my weight loss at 52, the weight fell off at great speed, which is a huge incentive to keep it up.
Sweetheart, sorry for my essays on your post...
Following dinner if you're wanting a sweet, how about full fat Greek yoghurt (not Greek style) with some berries?
The yoghurt is filling, the berries are sweet with fibre and nutrients, sprinkle a few nuts or linseed for extra fibre/oil/ vitamins.

.Cherrytree You are speaking in diet terms. If you eat anything you want when truly hungry and stop when satisfied then you do lose weight without feeling like you are restricting in any way and end up eating less. You've said you do lose low carb for health reasons. That's good if it works for you but it's still a diet for those of us non dieters. Talking about choosing Greek yoghurt and berries over day apple pie and crumble (maybe only half portion eaten before satisfied and stopped) is diet terms. The people in this thread are stopping all diets, clean eating , healthy choices etc. It's all diet speak and can cause disordered eating. Clean eating can cause disordered eating.

Cherrytree talking about good choices and bad choices is counterproductive to someone trying to stop dieting.

Have to agree with @Miliy

Thinking of food as good or bad, and the restriction of any food group is still diet talk

The diet mindset is so so hard to come out of.

Just listen to your body, what do you want to eat? A slice of cake? Ok, eat the cake, enjoy it, no guilt, no obsessing over the calories. Restricting ANY food makes you obsess over it and leads to bingeing.

When you have spent years trying to obey the numerous and confusing diet rules you have no idea how to really listen to your body.